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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is my brother a cheeky shit?

74 replies

birdynumnums · 23/11/2010 13:09

Brother is 30 so cannot blame youth for this. He is becoming extremely materialistic and is always boating that he earns more than the rest of us.

Now we have always sniggered at him behind his back because he asks my mum how much she is spending on his christmas presents and then presents her a list in which every penny of the budget is spent. He won't let her surprise him. Now we really are an age when he should stop asking what his budget is surely and allow my mum (who earns half of what he does)to cut back a bit.She is very generous anyway so probably wouldn't but it's the expectation of it all that riles me.

My dad (seperated from mum) has obviously decided to cut back in recent years and has taken to giving us 20 quid in a card (fine by me as he isn't a high earner and he is generous with our kids). This year my brother has outright asked him to buy him an item for christmas that costs 80 quid. He has obviously thought long and hard how he can get more out of him after the disappointment of opening his card last year. My mum told me he was laughing about it to her but I don't think it's funny - it's embarrassing.

I was going to get him a game for his playstation and was bargain hunting to get one for around 15 quid. He asked me what i was getting him (obviously so he can download the demo to see if he likes it and check out the price). He has helpfully suggested i get him a game that costs 40 quid. I told him to sod off so he has asked me for a voucher. I told him i don't like buying vouchers and now he has text me asking for a game that costs 25 quid. He knows im not earning at the moment as on mat leave and I actually turned down a meal the other day saying I was low on funds and was saving for the kids presents. Is this normal for someone of his age? Is he being savvy or just a greedy, cheeky shit?

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 23/11/2010 13:23

sorry - 35 yo not 345 - Grin

Kitta · 23/11/2010 13:24

What the hell, he's 30!!
In our family you buy what ever you can/want to etc for the under 12yr olds. After that they get a present or a voucher or money as they want till about 18, or in a couple. Then couples only get £15 spent on them.
Sounds a bit rigid when it's all written down, but I will buy my DN's (8 &6) whatever. They and their parents will spend £15 on me and OH. For the older DN?s this year they?re all getting either iTune vouchers or cash and even then only about £20. (The assumption is that at some point I will finally stop ttc and actually do it and then they will lavish prezzies on my sprog/s)

I?d actually be tempted to wrap up a load of coal and give it to him, well if he?s going to act like a kid isn?t that what naughty kids get
As for telling you what to buy AngryAngry

NormaStanleyFletcher · 23/11/2010 13:24

What kind of gifts does he give? Just out of interest?

Kitta · 23/11/2010 13:25

Oh the goat is good, what is better is funding the building of a loo. . . .that'll shut him up

NadiaWadia · 23/11/2010 13:26

This might, just maybe, be a bit more understandable in a teenager (though still v. greedy) - but a grown man of 30??

What planet is he living on?

littletreesmum · 23/11/2010 13:26

This reply has been deleted

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birdynumnums · 23/11/2010 13:28

He's quite generous himself but none of us ever ask him for anything and he never asks us what we would like. I think one of the reasons he asks what I am buying him is so he can buy me a present that costs the same but christmas shouldn't be about that in my opinion.

We come from a family thatnever had much money but would save and go without so that we would have exactly what we wanted at christmas and birthdays. Christmas was magical for us as kids but it seems it's turned him into a spoiled brat doesn't it?

OP posts:
olderandwider · 23/11/2010 13:28

pleeeease buy him this

Or, bust your £20 budget and buy two.

FreudianSlimmery · 23/11/2010 13:31

Yep he's a cheeky shit.

I wouldn't even put up with that behaviour in a child or teen let alone an adult. Jeez.

NoMoreChocBiscuits · 23/11/2010 13:31

How much is he planning to spend on you? Not much I'd bet. I've met men like him before and they need to pull their head out of their arses.

I like the Oxfam goat suggestion.

birdynumnums · 23/11/2010 13:34

Olderandwider, that would be funny. It is tempting. He would actually sulk if I did that. I know he would.

OP posts:
Silver1 · 23/11/2010 13:35

YANBU

Don't buy him anything as he doesn't like what you can afford.

badfairy · 23/11/2010 13:35

Q. How can a 30 year old man continue to act like a child? A. Because every one else allows him too. Sorry but your mum should tell him to grow up and stop acting like my 5 year old does with his Christmas List! Really seriously why is your mum buying into all this? And if it were me he would get what I was originally going to buy him and be done with it Wink

diddl · 23/11/2010 13:37

Gosh I´d give nothing tbh.

Haven´t had a Christmas present from my Dad in years-he buys for the children now.

In fact when we met up recently (Im abroad) he gave me ?100 specifically to spend on me & not the children, he said, & I´m still choked thinking about it.

Soups · 23/11/2010 13:38

Cheeky git. Buy him a goat or agree with relatives that you'll all do a Secret Santa for adults and agree a limit.

BalloonSlayer · 23/11/2010 13:40

Have a toilet dug in a third world village on his behalf, and ask for it to be named the "Birdynumnums' Brother's Greedy Shit Memorial Khazi."

Timbachick · 23/11/2010 13:40

Give him nothing. And get your family yo give him nothing as well. Nasty, grasping, materialistic, selfish git ... sorry, but Christmas is not about getting as much as you can out of someone.

Tbh, my family mainly buy for my DS now - he's the only GS/nephew on both mine and DH's side so he get's a bit spoilt at Christmas) but me and DH are just happy that we see family and everyone has a noce day.

Bloody cheeky to be setting parameters for others to buy by. Tell him to bugger off. Grin

birdynumnums · 23/11/2010 13:43

bad fairy, my mum actually enjoys spoiling people at christmas. she would prefer to choose gifts herself I think but there have been a few incidents over the last 2 years where my brother has accused her of favouring me over him. This upset her alot and she treads very carefully around him now.

OP posts:
birdynumnums · 23/11/2010 13:46

Just read my last comment back and it all sounds so unbelievably childish. We're in our 30's for god's sake.

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 23/11/2010 13:47

Your brother is allowed to act like a petulant child - he needs a grow-up pill !! He is over 30 years old and still accusing your mum of favouritism??

He also needs a lesson in what a present actually is - seriously, a lump of coal sounds pretty generous ....

badfairy · 23/11/2010 13:47

Your brother doesn't sound like he really appreciates what a lovely mum he has. I have a mother who spoils us all rotten too but a few years ago when the kids came along we all got together and agreed that we don't buy for Adults at Christmas. This has made things easier all round.

Littlefish · 23/11/2010 13:48

What a revolting attitude he has.

  1. I would talk to your mum and agree that next year (or even possibly this year), none of you will tell him either the budget, or what he's getting. Absolutely stick to this, no matter how much he begs.
  1. If he kicks up a stink or sulks, tell him that if he continues, you will donate the money to charity.

He is being completely juvenile about this, but you have all allowed him to get away with it, so it now has to be up to you to change it.

badfairy · 23/11/2010 13:48

They don't call it the "silly season" for nothing Wink

badfairy · 23/11/2010 13:49

Just on a point of petulant children ....My FIL still acts like one and he is 60 ! Grin

Louii · 23/11/2010 13:50

Does he have Asbergers or other ASD?

Very odd behaviour from a grown man.

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