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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Regarding pet rabbits - I feel I maybe being harsh but am I?

59 replies

bigpurple · 22/11/2010 22:21

My dd who is a teenager (i.e. not a young child) got 2 pet rabbits at Easter.

She asked for them for over 2.5 years, so not a flash in the pan decision.

The whole deal before she got them was that she had to look after them, and financially they were her responsibility. Hence why we waited so long as we wanted her to be an age that she could take on the responsibility.

However, since she's had the rabbits, the cost for food, treats, innoculations, holiday cover has fallen on us.

Worse than that numerous times her rabbits have escaped, they have a large run, and large hutch, but she's been very careless with the latches. We've retrieved the rabbits, she's half heaterdly helped, the neighbours have kindly retrieved her rabbits.

We've told her off, numerous times, and have said they will get lost, be eaten by cats/foxes, weather exposure etc.

Anyway, the rabbits got out last Wednesday as she hadn't secured their hutch properly. I advised her when she came home on Wednesday, that they weren't there, and that I had tried to catch them, but was unable to. She said 'oh' looked out the back door and that was her amount of effort. She then went out for the evening, my dh and I tried to find the rabbits but couldn't find them. She asked Thursday and Friday whether we had seen them, I had seen one on the Thursday run through our garden, but couldn't catch it.

(BTW we are out at work all day - and she is at home technically more hours than we are if she didn't choose to go out with friends in the evening).

She didn't look Thurs/Fri for them, dh and I ddid but no success.

Saturday afternoon with no concern from her, I suggested she did a leaflet drop to see if any neighbours had seen the rabbits. Houses behind ours said they had seen them on the Thursday but not since.

Sunday dh and I looked for them, dd did not.

DD came home from school didn't look for them, went out at 7pm - still not going outside, came home at 9.30pm, and asked if I thought the rabbits would come back.

I said I doubted it now due to a) the cold, b) the number of cats around and c) the foxes.

She then burst into tears, and said she realy missed them. I said it is sad, but that I have absolutely no sympathy to her, and I just hope the rabbits didn't suffer, she thinks I'm being a terrible mother. Maybe I am but I can't get the sympathy for her - would you have sympathy for your child in this situation?

[Sorry it's so long].

OP posts:

Vallhala · 22/11/2010 23:02

Every sympathy for the rabbits, not for the teenager.

ChippingIn speaks much sense.

Original poster

bigpurple · 22/11/2010 23:03

Good point re care - and other than the latches - which I was checking on numerous times (obviously there are occassions I have missed, and have told her off for them many times), I have ensured she has always given them fresh water, food, straw, hay, been out every day for exercise, innoculations etc. They last went to the vets 2 weeks ago.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 22/11/2010 23:09

They will maybe under someones shed. Ours come inside if I leave the back door open!!

Wouldn't give up yet....were they 'burrowers'??

WriterofDreams · 22/11/2010 23:10

I would have less than zero sympathy for her, in fact, I would be quite angry with her. Anyone can make a mistake and if she had let them go by accident, then put real effort into finding them I'd be heartbroken for her and very very sympathetic. But essentially she was the one who put them in harm's way by not securing their hutch and then didn't bother looking for them. She has no consideration for their lives.

If something similar had happened to me as a teenager I know my mum would have said there was no way she was looking for them, they were not her rabbits and harsh though it sounds I think she would be right. I find it quite incredible that she didn't even try to look for them. My dad, on the other hand, would still be looking now, bless him.

LoudRowdyDuck · 22/11/2010 23:33

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is remarkably stupid to say that the animals will have 'enjoyed' their accidental freedom. They will have been terrified. They are animals born in captivity, and the breed will not have remotely resembled a wild rabbit that is suited to our countryside.

It is incredibly irresponsible and cruel to take on a animal and then let it meet this sort of death. I'm afraid I agree, your DD is in the wrong here, and hasn't repaid your trust. She needs to realize that she has been very cruel to these animals that were her responsibility.

On the off-chance they are still alive, you could insist she keeps checking for them in the garden and goes door-knocking. If you do find them alive, she should pay for/contribute to vet bills.

ilovesooty · 22/11/2010 23:36

I agree with WriterofDreams.

I can't really believe you let her go out when she wasn't looking after the animals properly. I'd expect a child of 7 or 8 to be more responsible than she's been.

In fact I think I'd be totalling the money I'd spent (when it was agreed beforehand she would pay) and be taking it out of her allowance until it's repaid. She doesn't yet seem to have learned that actions have consequences.

And these were living, breathing animals who can feel fear and pain, ffs.

MumNWLondon · 22/11/2010 23:42

YANBU.

However I think a bit U to think she was going to pay for them. Also she probably thought they'd come back as you rescued them previously.

My SIL and BIL (in 30s with 2 kids) got a rabbit. It escaped first time (they let it run around garden) my MIL managed to find it by speaking to neighbours (who pointed out where they saw it).

Then a week later they let it run around the garden again and they didn't really look for it. Their 3 YO was quite upset - but they said it had gone to lives in some woods. .

ilovesooty · 22/11/2010 23:51

Some people should be banned from having pets...

BitOfFun · 22/11/2010 23:53

Where are you? I found a rabbit hiding under our car last Wednesday

I took it to the animal rescue on Saturday. They (and the vet I took it to first) said that lots of people "clear out for Christmas" and dump their pets . I made lots of posters, but nobody claimed it.

A1980 · 23/11/2010 00:02

If she'd shown any interest I might have had some sympathy for her, but I don't.

TBH it sounds as if she didn't give a shit. If she was expected to be financially responsible for them and can go out by herself then I am assuming she must be 15-16+? It's inexcuseable.

I would be furious with her and if they do turn up, I would get them rehomed.

midori1999 · 23/11/2010 00:10

I have more sympathy for your DD than you, but mostly I just feel very angry that anyone could treat animals with such disregard. Why on earth did you not make her be responsible for her pets? eg. 'DD, you wanted the rabbits and you have yet again been irresponsible and let them get out, You are not going out with your friends until said rabbits are found'

Leaving the cage open once is an accident. Doing it more than once is negligent and at that point you should have made a point of either checking DD had shut the rabbits in properly or rehoming them to someone who would care for them properly.

Ultimately, you as the adult are responsible for these animals which have quite possibly now suffered a horrible death.

musicmadness · 23/11/2010 00:56

I have a lot of sympathy for the rabbits, none at all for the teenager. If on the off chance the rabbit(s) do turn up alive please rehome them straight away for their sake.

spikeycow · 23/11/2010 08:50

I don't have sympathy really. 13 is way old enough to understand the risks of leaving the rabbits to escape. And I agree they would have been terrified. Still who gives a fuck she sounds like she'll be over it in half an hour or so

diddl · 23/11/2010 09:07

I only feel sorry for the poor rabbits.

Sounds as if you should have rehomed them long ago.

nottirednow · 23/11/2010 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

c0rns1lk · 23/11/2010 09:10

poor rabbits
may still be under a shed somewhere but probably very hungry and thirsty by now
Op I think you should have done the leaflet drop right away if dd wasn't going to.

madonnawhore · 23/11/2010 09:25

I had a rabbit once and it was the most rubbish pet I've ever had. Totally aggressive and destructive and disproportionately hard work for the paltry return I got from owning her. Basically they are pointless animals but get away with it by looking cute.

Your daughter deserves no sympathy, it's not as if she didn't have fair warning that this was likely to happen.

Maybe next time she says she wants a pet, just say no. And to anyone thinking of getting a rabbit, my advice would be DON'T DO IT!!

duchesse · 23/11/2010 09:29

My 13 yo spends hours chasing her rabbits round the garden when they get out (which they do fairly often). She is devoted to them and looks after them very well. She got them at her request and after a lot of conversations about who would be looking after them for her 12th birthday, and she looks after them really well even though they are not always especially friendly.

I suspect that your daughter expected you to cave in and look after them for her. She needed this reality check I think. I am very glad that you didn't cave in.

I agree that they are unlikely to last long but at least they will be happy for their remaining time in this world, scampering around and nibbling whatever they fancy.

YANBU. If they do come back, and she doesn't know about it, rehome them on the sly and let her think they were eaten by foxes due to her neglect. Which they very easily might have been. It might make her think very carefully about the nature of commitment, especially to things that utterly depend on her.

thekidsmom · 23/11/2010 09:41

You don't say how old she is - some 13 year olds are very immature so that may be her only excuse. By contrast though, my DD has had guinea pigs since she was 9 and would never, even at that age, have acted with such casualness as you have described for your DD...

Poor rabbits - sounds like they dont get much attention anyway so would be unlikely to return even if they could.

You're NBU, though, to want her to learn her lesson. It sounds like you did what you could. But why on earth did you let her go out on the evening they ran away when you and DH were looking for them?

RubberDuck · 23/11/2010 09:51

YANBU

However, do check the latch. I say this because at a similar age I got a bollocking from my parents for continually not securing the hutch of my pet rabbit. We then watched for a while and realised that the rabbit had worked out a way of shaking the cage to get the catch loose and was in fact a Houdini bunny. We had to rig a much more complicated latch to stop him getting out afterwards.

Clearly given her reaction to trying to look for the rabbits, this is probably more likely to be carelessness, but it might not be her fault.

peeringintothevoid · 23/11/2010 18:48

Madonnawhore "I had a rabbit once and it was the most rubbish pet I've ever had. Totally aggressive and destructive and disproportionately hard work for the paltry return I got from owning her. Basically they are pointless animals but get away with it by looking cute."

The rabbit probably didn't think much of you, either. Did you actually give the rabbit a pleasant environment to live in, or did you just stick it in a hutch and leave it lonely and bored most of the time?

Toughasoldboots · 23/11/2010 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bigpurple · 23/11/2010 19:34

Thank you for all your posts - I've shown my dd, and she has read it all through.

I hope that showing that others see her behaviour as wrong, other than her mother who knows nothing, will get her to think harder about her actions.

Here's hoping!

OP posts:

midori1999 · 23/11/2010 19:45

Oh, that's great then. Never mind about the probably dead rabbits...

Original poster

bigpurple · 23/11/2010 19:54

Midori1999 - other than what I am currently doing regards the rabbits - fresh food, fresh water, heating their hutch in the hope it intices them and they've got warmth, rechecking the undergrowth morning and night, there isn't more than I can do.

But if I can alter my dd's behaviour/attitude to stop this selfish attitude then I will do so.

OP posts:

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