to think this school assembley was inappropriate

[browneyedlou]

Have named changed for this as don't want school to be easily identified...

Today my two DDs aged 12 and 16, have come home discussing a school assembly they had this morning. This was a "house" assembley so pupils from all year groups (7 to 13) and all ability ranges were in attendance and it was about the white ribbon campaign against domestic violence. DD1 has described it as containing a powerpoint presentation with very emotive music "everybody hurts" accompanying pictures of bruised and battered female victims of domestic violence, and lots of slides giving stats about sexual assault and rape.

Now I do not object to the campaign in anyway, and I think it is a very worthy cause to raise awareness of. However, this is a catholic school, where my daughter who is in Y12 (lower 6th) has never received any sex education at all except that

• she was told the biological facts in science
• at the end of year 9 a Christian charity spoke to them about abstinence.

She has never been given any information at all about contraception, or the emotional aspects of a sexual relationship - luckily dh and I have discussed this with them at home but I know other parents won't have. I have accepted the lack of sex education as in every other respect it is an excellent school, and they argue that to promote contraception etc would be to undermine their Catholic principles

I just feel that an assembly about domestic violence where the pupils have had absolutely no contextual information about a positive, healthy sexual relationship, is likely to leave students, particularly girls, feeling scared about sex, rather than empowered - from speaking to dd2, it is apparent that she found some of the images quite upsetting.

AIBU? and how do I articulate my concerns to the school?

Write them a letter saying exactly what you just wrote. State that you expect a reply.

Catholic schools sometimes need a bit of guidance themselves! I agree with LadyViper

I agree... you've already articulated your concerns on here well. When writing to the school, though, most constructive would probably be particularly to stress your final point, which is that the school needs to talk about healthy intimate relationships before it discusses domestic abuse.

I realise that practicing catholics believe in marriage and not using contraception and the school appears to have dealt with this belief appropriately from what you say. If you are saying that domestic abuse does not happen in catholic homes then of course you are right. Surely this session was to help the girls to make well thought through choices from the beginning particularly as the catholic church still frowns upon divorce. If you feel the topic requires more information can't you discuss it at home with your daughters.

I think you expressed your concerns on here eloquently and I'm with the "send what you just wrote to the school" camp and ask for a reply.

I can see your point: the only education about they appear to be receiving (from school at least) about relationships refers to rape and sexual violence.

However I imagine that the school do not see it in the same "joined up" way as you. The assembly isn't seen by them as being part of relationship education, but a stand-alone campaign.
IMO worth discussing this with the school; am not sure what they can/will do though as it's unlikely that they would want to educate in other aspects of sexual relationships.
I'm not convinced that knowing domestic violence happens would protect someone from marrying an abusive partner, so am not convinced on that point.

I think the lack of sex education in this school makes it even more important that the pupils are fully informed about issues relating to domestic abuse.
onceamai is this a typo 'if you are saying domestic abuse does not happen in catholic homes then of course you are right'--because I either strongly disagree or have read it wrong.

OP articulate your concerns, I think it sounds like the session should have been aimed at slightly older children, 12s and above.

No you are not being unreasonable. You have articulated your concerns very clearly in your post. I would put it in a letter and also ask them to explain how the assembly fitted into their teaching about relationships and what they are doing to ensure that the girls are able to make positive choices in forming relationships with the opposite sex.

And when onceamai said "If you are saying that domestic abuse does not happen in catholic homes then of course you are right." I'm sincerely hoping that she missed out a "not". Anyone who thinks that any variety of religion protects people against an abusive relationship is seriously deluded. Sadly. And I say that as a very committed Christian.

I think it's absolutely disgusting, quite frankly.

Let's say nothing about sex because of out 'principles', then hit them with some rape stats at 16 and watch 'em weep.

FFS.

Yes onceamai I also assume and hope that that sentence was a typo?

I think a more joined up approach is what I was trying to get at.

I don't think the aim was to encourage the students to consider their future choice of spouse - I think it was more of a general awareness raising thing

Who actually presented an assembly?

When I was in 6th form, and we would take it in turns to present a house assembly, and for some reason staff never vetted what the subject would be.

YABVU

Can't believe you would object for these pupils to be taught that DV and rape is wrong. FFS!

www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/

'then hit them with some rape stats at 16 and watch 'em weep.'

You are aware that teenagers are most at risk of rape, right?

earwig I said quite clearly in my post that I don't object to the campaign, just that I feel it should have been put into a broader context

But you are doing that at home. I don't get the link at all.

It would be risky to let any school have total control over how children are educated about healthy relationships.

Children pick up "rules" about relationships from everywhere but the family will have the most impact on how they develop. You say your daughter has discussed issues at home with you in matters that the school chooses not to- how can you assume that no other parent does this?

Some of these teens may already be in abusive relationships.

I think your real concern is the lack of PSHE in some areas.

Do they not teach the principles of Christian marriage at the school as part of RE?

I'm not a Catholic, and didn't go to a Catholic school, but MIL was an RE teacher at a Catholic school (now retired) and she has loads of resources about Christian marriage. She lent me a few before DH and I got married. I thought they were all a load of bollocks for a variety of reasons which I'll not get into as I don't wish to Catholic bash. Nonetheless despite this they all gave a positive spin on sex as part of a loving marriage.

Yes it is - I have raised this before - one of the deputy heads told me that a lot of modern sex education programs include advice on how to give effective oral sex - and did I want my daughters to hear that!

I object to the presentation of sexual relationships as something to fear. My CDs have discussed the broader context at home but not all parents do this, and I do think the school should offer a more rounded view

Dcs sorry

You're not complaining about the lack of sex ed/phse? Just the assembly within that context?

Yabu, I think. The problem is not the assembly - it's the rest of it, the stuff you have chosen by sending them to a Catholic school.

Why do you send your child to a school that conflicts with your ideals? You must have realised what Catholic schools are all about.