to think my Mum should have come round after my not-great -news?

[ShanahansRevenge]

I foud out today that I more than likely have Lupus...if you don't know about it, it's a chronic disease...no cure...where your immune system attacks your body in certain ways.

With me it has given me skin rashes on my face and it can progress to arthiritis and kidney failure among other things. Not always...but it can.

My Mum wanted me to ring her after I had been to the doctor and so I did and I told her that the doctor said that it seems likely I have it but blood tests on Monday will reveal for sure.

Now I KNOW it's not some things which are much worse but it is still a life changing disease whch can totally render some peoploe incapapble of work...and can also be very disfiguring...and I feel scared and a bit depressed...I have two DC and husband working away...so on my own.

I asked Mum if she would be coming to visit me...as I could do with a distraction... and she said "no I have to tidy up, you probably won't have it anyway...I dont think you have it and I might visit tomrrow"

Now the doc was not SURE but she said it was likely due to my strong symptoms and another family member with it....so AIBU to feel slighted?

YABU to feel a bit upset.
She is most likely in denial.
My mum was like that with my back problems. Because I look ok to her and she sees me as perfect then I shouldnt have a problem.
Still smarts though.

Erm YANBU I should say

Your mum is probably in denial about the possibility at the moment which doesn't help you.

Sorry you may have this, it can be debilitating. Are there any support groups locally where you can talk to people about it?

You could also be blunt with your mum and ask directly for support as you are feeling low about it.

your mum is in denial and will not yet accept you have this - can you get support from elsewhere?

sounds typical of a lot of mums - my mum would be the same.

try and surround yourself with people that can be a support to you - and i wish you all the best x

YANBU to feel upset. I think your mum is either in denial, or trying to make you focus on the possibility that you don't have it (trying to look on the bright side). Either way, not much help to you. Maybe after the official diagnosis she might be more supportive.

Do you have a partner/close friend/ sibling you can ask for support?

Sorry you're going through this.

YANBU about your mum - very insensitive.

Has your doctor explained whether she thinks you have Discoid Lupus (affects only the skin) or Systemic Lupus (SLE) which can affect other organs?

I have Discoid Lupus (was diagnosed 14 years ago) and it is really easy to manage. If you have this you have a very slightly increased risk of developing SLE at a later stage, but the risk is very slight.

Hopefully your tests will give you some clarity and hopefully your mum will get her act together.

ShanahansRevenge so sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed that news is better than you're expecting but still YANBU to want comfort from your mum.

However, with the best will in the world mums can't always deliver. I had to accept mine would do anything for me that she physically could but I had to stop expecting emotional support as she just couldn't do it.

Re Lupus - we have a very similar condition in our family. There are good support groups out there and it's really worth finding them online and in RL.
Good luck.

Niggle...the doc said Discoid...but she went on to say "It's all Lupus basically"

I have no other real probs...apart from my face rash...and irregular periods...doc ased about my joints and I said they were stiff and a bit painful but she said that lack of swelling was a good sign...I have lived with the rash for a year now and nothing else has materialized...I hope I hae the same as you if I DO have it.

My sister has systemic Lupus

Thanks Scurry...I don't want to ring her...it's childish but she shoud bloody ring me!

at your mum's reaction if your sister has it as well!

How strange!

I thought that Brass....because she knows about it doesn't she? My sister has been living with a severe form of it for 7 years!

I dont thik its that she's in denial as such - maybe just thinks its pointless getting all upset over it until you know?
If you got a positive test and she was dismissive then yes, thats unsupportive - but until then there's not a lot to say, no point dwelling on it. That's how I would view it anyway, realise others may think I'm too cold but just pointing out that perhaps your mum feels this way too? It's no reflection on how she feels about you.

YANBU, really sorry to hear your news.

Sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with this illness.

I know it wont be of great help to you at this point but my DIL was diagnosed with Lupus and Fybromyalgia a couple of years ago when she was in her early 20's and now she is a lot better than she was when she was diagnosed.

As far as I'm aware stress is a main contributory factor to the illness so please do not get yourself all stressed out (I know its easy to type but not so easy to do).

I hope your family begin to understand that hiding their head in the sand is no use at all and that you will need their support.

Good luck!

maybe she's devastated both her daughters have it and didn't want you to see her upset?

AnotherMumOnHere.....that makess sense as I have been under immense pressure for over year now.

brass...I'm of the "Be strong for your kids" variety of Mothers...I think you put the kids first then be devestated afterwards....once you have helped the child. I KNOW I am not a cild but she's still my Mum and with no DH here and my best mate working away in London she should have come.

I admit the mum must be devastated but the OP isn't being unreasonable to expect her mum to suck it up (perhaps after a good cry) and come and offer support and encouragement.
The wait is a worrying time-having waited for a diagnosis before, I know that you oscillate between hope and despair, and planning, and just needing someone to take your mind off things.

I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Is there a reason why you couldn't go and visit your Mum at her house?

SR here you are (((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

I'll be your adoptive mum for now. xx

I was trying to paint her in a better light that's all. You think she doesn't care but she does VERY much kind of thing.

Either way I'm sorry you're feeling alone. Sounds like there are some posters on here with lupus experience who can talk to you about your concerns and perhaps allay some fears.

Lougle...I couldnt get there...I don't drive and she lives 5 miles away...plus I was at the docs, then shopping for food and then getting DD...I had a 2 hour window to come home and tidy up....so getting 2 buses to hers wouldn't have worked.

Thanks AnotherMum

SIlver...it is the waiting. I hate not knowing.

AnotherMum....Im glad your DILS condition got better...I know it wont go away but better is good!

So can I get the facts straight? You have been to the doctors, and she thinks that you may have discoid Lupus? But she told you that 'it is all Lupus, basically'? Then she booked you a blood test on Monday, as in Monday 29th November?

If that is the case, I agree with your Mum. You haven't even had the blood test yet, so you aren't even waiting for results, are you? .

It sounds to me like your sister has been getting attention for years because of her Lupus, and now you may have the skin related version, you feel hurt that your Mum hasn't come running.

Shanahan - sorry to hear that you're going through these tests and the stress of diagnosis.

I just want to reassure you that there has been huge amounts of progress in the treatment of Lupus over the last few years.

Try to avoid googling and/or reading old books from the library. At best you might find them a but , at worst they may be misleading and upsetting.