to think my Mum should have come round after my not-great -news?

[ShanahansRevenge]

I foud out today that I more than likely have Lupus...if you don't know about it, it's a chronic disease...no cure...where your immune system attacks your body in certain ways.

With me it has given me skin rashes on my face and it can progress to arthiritis and kidney failure among other things. Not always...but it can.

My Mum wanted me to ring her after I had been to the doctor and so I did and I told her that the doctor said that it seems likely I have it but blood tests on Monday will reveal for sure.

Now I KNOW it's not some things which are much worse but it is still a life changing disease whch can totally render some peoploe incapapble of work...and can also be very disfiguring...and I feel scared and a bit depressed...I have two DC and husband working away...so on my own.

I asked Mum if she would be coming to visit me...as I could do with a distraction... and she said "no I have to tidy up, you probably won't have it anyway...I dont think you have it and I might visit tomrrow"

Now the doc was not SURE but she said it was likely due to my strong symptoms and another family member with it....so AIBU to feel slighted?

I've had all sorts of bother in the past and I NEVER go to my Mum...my sibling pile it on her constantly with demands for attention and help and I mke a point of not doing that.

She works and is in herr 60s...so she has enough on her plate but she could have and should have come today.
Thatnks Bouncingferret...it does'nt make me feel worse at all.

Lougle....I cannot really believe there are people like you who nitpick and speculate on other people's habits of piling on the crap..or not...when the people in question are at a low ebb. Really, I am recievng such great support on here..and you are simly spoiling it...can you please go away? ...I have had some bad news and you are just upsettnig me now.

YANBU - Whether or not you have it, it is a worry. I don't believe that people on here saying YABU wouldn't worry. I think families should be there to support each other and if you asked her to come, how can tidying up be more important. Even if she finds it hard to handle the bad news about her 'little girl' she shouldn't be so selfish. I hope you're ok, hugs

Thats the thing about mumsnet. if you are going to post on here you are putting your life up for public comsumption anyone can read the posts and anybody can comment. I understand your worries shanahans revenge the possibility that you might have this disease however you do not know the outcome yet, so their could be some hope that you do not have it. Obviously you are going to be worried until you know but try and look on the bright side and you know if you are diagnosed with it then it is not the end of the world. Hopefully You will find treatments to help you live a normal life.

when you spoke to your mum on the phone were you in tears to to her etc?

Thing is with your husband working away you obviously feel like you are lacking in a support network . Maybe you should ring him and he will give you the support you need or your best friend.

Shana, don't worry about insensitive people trying to make you feel bad. Worrying news is worrying news and of course you wanted support from your mother.

Btw, re. the Tai Chi suggestion - don't know how you feel about complementary therapies BUT there is good scientific evidence that stress management techniques can help people living with chronic disease. And Tai Chi strikes me as something that might help to manage stress. So I can believe what Jux said about her friend - anything you can do to reduce your stress levels will help, while you are in this anxious phase of waiting for diagnosis and then if, unfortunately, you do get bad news.

TBH, I can´t think that what your mum did was that awful.

There´s nothing that she can say or do really.

Shana, I do have sympathy for your situation but I think Am I Being Unreasonable was not the place to put your thread. Normal rules don't apply.

Jux that's a good point. it's highly likely that when you post in an AIBU forum, some people will think and say you are as that is the point.

PErhaps your mum just thinks there is no point worrying until you know. That isn't helpful to you as you need support now as you're worried out of your mind. Do you have sympathetic / close friends you could talk to?

Ai980 I have spoken to DH and he was a lot of help...pointed out that Seal has it and he lives life to the full....he will be back here for Christmas soon so going to try and forget the worry...I am a stress head naturally...eed to sort that out as if I do hve Lupus it could make things worse.

I think the general concsesus that Mum is trying to look on the bright side is right...I suppose it's something she has always done tbh.

Not that hands on as a Mum...she tends to be more practical than emotional in her support.

If I had asked her to go and get me some milk she would have bloody done it lol...but she kind of fears emotion and could have decided to let me get on with it...she's a tough Northerner...no tears and all that.

Right, so if you need her support in a similar situation, you ask her to pick you up a pint of milk and then when she turns up with it pin the woman down and don't let her leave! (I know these tough Northerners, grew up in Yorkshire...)

Lol edam...she'll come to connect milk requests with trauma!

"Oh no...DD wants milk, better bugger off out!"

I feel a list coming on... first milk, then if you need her again bread, then I dunno, nappies? Cat food?

I'm writing a loooong list then!

Mums feel guilty you know sometimes. My daughter diagnosed with systemic lupus at 18. I felt guilty because she's come from me. My genes and all that. Did'nt feel I couldn't face her tho.She deals with it superbly. She'll be on steroids for life, will need extra medical input before attempting pregnancy, during a pregnancy if she manages to get that far, and afterwards as well.Not once has she complained, has never said why me. She has the same outlook as me and my name. Why me, why not?
My mum acted like yours tho when they thought i had a mild form of spina bifida, spina bifida occulta. She went into happy mode, looking on the bright side etc.etc. I do have it but it was never mentioned, she's passed away now, because as I could walk and get about I must be ok mustn't I.

So I don't know if YABU to know that I'd need to know your mum. Everyone is different and acts differently. My sons brought up exactly the same way but both deal with what life throws at them in completely opposite ways. Take a day at a time, I'm sure your mum feels rotten for you even if she can't let herself show it.