when to go to bed

[littledrummerboy]

Ok

I'm a newbie so be kind. and yes i'm a bloke.

so my wife and i have just argued about putting our DD to bed. she's still up and it's 9:25

i think it's far too late. comments please

More info - how old is DD?

Depends on the age of the child!

My DS are 4 and 3, they both have bedtime at around 7pm. Sometimes if they've had a long afternoon nap they'll be up till 8, sometimes if they've had a busy day they'll go at 6.30.

told you i was new. she is 2yrs and she regularly goes to bed after 9. like er every night

Each to their own, but DD has always been in bed at 7pm. She's now four.

My Dad said that the only advice on children he would give me, unasked, was to give them a bed time and stick to it, so that you have some adult time guaranteed every night. I think it's the best advice I was ever given.

She should have been in bed a couple of hours ago

My DD goes to bed at 9 as well. She's 21 mo. She wakes up around 8, though, so gets enough sleep. Plus she has 2 hr nap during the day.
We like to eat together and I don't mind children running around in the evening if it means not having to wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning.

So it depends how much sleep your dd gets during 24 hrs, really. If she has to wake up very early for nursery, then YANBU.

DS is two and is in bed by 7, stories and milk, lights out by 7.30. He is horrible the next day if he stays up much later, and goes to bed quite happily. HE has a 1-2 hour nap after lunch. 7-7.30 ish bedtime seems pretty normal amongst DS' peers.

It's 7pm here (same as techno - it can change by half hour depending on day). We like some time in the evenings and I agree with Lil's Dad.

Depends if DW likes a lay in of a morning. For me 9 is too late though.

It would be far too late for my DS who's 3, and I couldn't cope without my child free evening. Is there a reason why your wife doesn't want to put her to bed earlier - does she wake really early?

Mine would be in bed at 7 at that age. YANBU

I would agree that it is very late but purely from my own selfish desire to have an evening. Our DS (2.2) has only recently mastered the art of sleeping through the night and we cut his nap back to an hour or less during the day so that he is always in bed at 7pm.

It's sooooo nice having the evenings to ourselves!

My DS is 2yrs and is in bed by 7pm - 7.30pm at the latest. He'd struggle to stay awake at this time of night.

Have you ever tried putting your DD to bed earlier? What time does she get up in the mornings as that could make a difference (mine are usually up at 6.30am)

I'd agree that she should be in bed.

Does she have daytime naps still? Does she get up early/late?

I have 5 aged from 1 to 9 yrs. They all go to bed at 7.30pm.

At that age mine used to go about 7.30pm but different people have different bedtimes.

You and your DW need to agree on a mutually acceptable time.

she gets up at 8:30 and has an afternoon nap for 1.5 hrs.

But, what time does she wake up and what does she do in the day?

Do you give her a bath and sit by her bed reading her bedtime stories at 7pm or are you just wondering why she doesn't fall asleep herself by this time?

Having a routine keeps me sane and the DCs seem to like the predictability.

DS2 (2yrs) bedtime is 6.45pm, he wakes anytime between 7 and 7.30. He also has a nap at 12.20-2.30pm.

It works for me!

I wonder if your dd is having overly long naps in the daytime? My youngest dd would (given half the choice) opted to have slept for say 3-4 hours in the day then stayed up until 10pm at night. We didn't let her, but she would have suited this. dd1 on the other hand (almost 7 now) has always need to be in bed by 7-7.30.

are there other factors you may not have mentioned? I have friends where one or both parents work full time and they really want time with the child in the evening so they choose a later bedtime. (sometimes this suits the family, sometimes the child gets terribly overtired). Is your wife from a culture where it is more usual for the dcs to have a longer siesta and a later bedtime?

Is your wife hoping that you will sort the bedtime routine but won't discuss this for whatever reason so you are both unhappy with the situation?

Does your dd wake up early regardless of bedtime; if so your wife may hope that a late bedtime may = a later wake up?

she has bath and stories after 9 so would get to sleep around 10 i guess. mum does the sleep routine as i look after her during the day. btw what does YANBU mean? thanks

9.30pm, up at 8.30 though and straight through. Weirdly if down at 7 he needs a 2am feed and is up at 6 or earlier. I like going through without getting up for night feeds, a later night fits his bottles. He does have 5-6 naps a day though too! He's 5m/o. I like baby free evenings much tbh he sleeps through half the evening and I prefer a full nights sleep.

8 o Clock is about right for a 2 year old I think. perhaps in bed by about 7:45 and reading a couple of stories and then leaving her at 8pm.

After 9pm does sound too late at that age. What time does she get up in the morning and does she have long naps during the day? If she does perhaps that's why she isn't tired.

YANBU means "you are not being unreasonable"

Just seen your 21.36 post.

Ok, so if she is awake at 08.30 then ime you can't have it all ways. This is a big lie in, honestly.

If my dds go to sleep say by 7.30pm, we expect to see them about 11 hours later.

So your dd is the same, i.e. if she is going to bed at 21.30 and getting up 11 hours later this will mean 8.30 get up. It is unlikely you will get her in bed for 7 and then sleeping until 8.30.

You have to work out what you really want. If you want a later wake up then you will "lose" some of your evening.

Also you are lucky she is having a 1.5 hour nap still.

The thing is that waking up at 8.30 dorsnt work when she has to go to school
maybe once she drops the nap she'll go down earlier?
Does your wife keep her up because she doesn't see her during the day?

She is sleeping for about 10.5 hours per night plus a 1.5 hour nap? Sounds like you are quite lucky. :) (I know it probably doesn't seem like it)

Perhaps if your wife is at work all day she enjoys the evenings with your dd? Maybe there is room for compromise. Perhaps some days you could cut the nap short to 30 minutes-1 hour. Then she could be put to bed say at 8.30 instead of 9.30, giving you time for a late dinner with your wife, or even an hour or two together?