when to go to bed

[littledrummerboy]

Ok

I'm a newbie so be kind. and yes i'm a bloke.

so my wife and i have just argued about putting our DD to bed. she's still up and it's 9:25

i think it's far too late. comments please

Ah, if she gets up at 8.30am then that's propbably why she doesn't settle before 9.30pm. You may need to decide between you which you want more - the lie in or the couple time of an evening.

8.30 seems late to rise for me, but 9.30 seems late to bed.

I have to admit my DC are going to bed at 8.45ish atm, but I have an 8mo who is a lot of work, and I do baths etc for all 3 on my own.
7.30 would be the ideal I guess, and was do-able before dc3 was born.

My fist would go to bed late and get up late, but I had nowhere to be iyswim.

While your dd is small, it only matters really because you and your DW won't get time together in the evening, and getting up may be a problem once she starts nursery.

Mine are up at 7ish and go to bed at half 6/seven, although they are awake from 6ish.
She will most likely drop her nap soon.

If it helps I have recently gone back to work full time from being a sahm and find that I am keeping the DD@s up a bit later so I get some time with them, although that is only until 7ish.

There is no time that children of any age 'should' be in bed, as long as they are getting enough sleep overall. It really depends whether child-free evenings are more important to you than not being woken up at the crack of dawn. I'm an early-morning-hating night-owl, so my DCs have always been relatively late to bed. Also DH worked long hours, so if they had been in bed by 7.30pm when they were little he would never have seen them during the week.

Of course once they start going to nursery or school with a fixed start-time in the morning you may have to adjust bedtime to earlier in order to get them up in time to be ready.

Sounds like you and your wife need to have a discussion about what timing suits you, but it sounds like your DD is getting a good amount of sleep over the course of the night and nap-time.

Poor you, how do you and your DW get any time together?!

All 3 of mine are in bed by 7.

DD 2.6, DS2 6.6 and DS1 8.7.

Boys get to read for an hour if they like though.

My brother and his wife send their children to bed at 7.30 every night, but find it difficult because the chilren subsequently wake up at 6am!!!
I mean - HELLO!

My ds was often going to bed at gone midnight at that age and was up for the day by 5:30am with no naps. I dont think the amount of sleep is the issue. But Something that others havent picked up on is the fact that YOU look after dd during the day and on that basis it suggests that SHE is out at work and doesnt see dd during the day. Maybe the later bedtime is simply because she wants to spend some time with her daughter? Maybe for now this IS the best arrangement. but it will have to change when she goes to school. However, they are little for such a short period in time that if this is why she wants the later bedtime. And tbh i wouldnt blame her.

I actually miss the extra hours that i have lost with ds now that he has sleep meds. But i dont miss the over tired problems that arose.

Does she work then? If so she's probably using it as a way to spend time with her.

As long as they're getting enough sleep then I don't believe there is too late/ too early. Just what works best for you, so this isn't one you can win by saying 'I told you so' just because the majority of people's DCs go to bed at 7. It is a cultural thing.

You and DW need to so sit down and go through both your reasons for preferring your times and compromise from there.

My oldest three are 6,4 and 1. The youngest two gl. To bed at 6 pm the oldest at 7. BUT the get up at around 6am ( we get up then to get them up and out of the house by 8).

At that age I have always used a 12 hour night as a guide with just a short daytime nap.

If i put them to bed late they naturally wake up later.

SO. Actually if your daughter is getting up at 8:30 then 8:30. - 9pm is the bedtime i would expect.

When DS was 2 we had a similar routine to the op. And we dh and I still had an evening together because, since we only had to wake at about 8 we could stay up together until 12 or 1. It became less convenient when dh had to get to work earlier and dc2 was on the way. So we dropped ds's nap and he started going down at 7. Unfortunately he then started waking up at 6 and (for a hideous few months after dd was born, 5). So we were going to bed at 9 or 10, were more tired generally and had no more time together.

You need to work out what suits you.

Perfectly normal for here but then that's a big cultural difference between here and the UK. Children here often go 9-7 and then have a 2 hour sieste/quiet period in the afternoon, right up to the age of 6 or so. Anyway the point I'm making is that children here don't seem to suffer from that kind of routine, they're getting enough sleep and as with many things it's a parenting decision that each family makes.

The others make good points about your DW wanting to spend time with your DD in the evening but I can see why you might want to spend time with your DW as well. Perhaps bring bed forward a little earlier by waking her up half an hour earlier so DD's ready for bed at 8.30 or so?

It's fine from the point of view of the child; bed at 9.30 up at 8.30 is no different from bed at 7.30 up at 6.30 which is what my two year old does.

It's probably not fine from your perspective if your wife is going to bed soon after her daughter and you're not getting any adult time. I assume you go to bed lateish if you don't have to get up till 8.30, and are getting alone time, so am I right that the issue is couple time?

But, if your wife works, I can see that she is disclined to shift to an early bedtime, depending on her hours. Until recently I was getting home at 6.30 which meant basically walking in, having dinner, bath, bedtime, and not seeing my daughter again till the next day. When she was younger (until 14 months) she had a bedtime like yours, which meant I got some proper play time and reading books and things with her. Also meant we could take her to parties at weekends and stay for a reasonable time. And my husband, then a SAHD and never a morning person, got to lie in.

My problem was just that I had to get up early, so by the time she went to bed, I had maybe an hour to do chores and relax before going to bed myself, and that took a toll in the long run.

So, long story short, this is about balancing your wife's lifestyle needs and yours, it's not really about the child.

Agree with exexpat.

Our DD (21 months) comes to bed with me at 2230 - 2300 and sleeps until 0830 - 0900. This fits my flexi but v. full time work schedule and means we never have to deal with early morning wakings. As long as she's healthy and happy I don't see a problem.

I'd go nuts if someone was waking me up at 5 or 6 am every day.

Thank you all for your comments. I do feel better about DD going to bed later than most. DW does like to have time with her as you can imagine so I'm not going to question this again as DS does get enough overall sleep and is a very happy and contented little nipper.

what time does she get up? She is going to sleep for a certain number of hours. You either have late nights or early mornings - which ever suits your routine better. If you and your parnter cannot decide then I'd probably go with the primary carer as whoever that is will need to make sure that your dds clock fits with theirs.

Hi again drummerboy. Enjoy the "lie-ins" for now then, and the fact that you have a very :) dd.

Another thought I had, perhaps from time to time you/dw could book a babysitter (if you dd would settle for him/her of course) and aim to go out say at 9ish for an hour or two?

dh and I are going "out" tomorrow. I said to the babysitter that I just want a glass of wine and a plate of scampi and chips in peace, and someone else to read the bedtime stories!

Was wondering if your wife keeps her up as she doesn't want alone time with you.

My DC have always had a 7pm bedtime until around age 4.5-5 when it gets gradually later.

Up to 2-3 years old they had daytime sleep, from around 21 months this was cut back in time to maintain bedtime. Yes had to wake they up from sleep.

You said up at 8.30am and 1.5 hours in day.

I would estimate at age 2 mine got up at 7am and had 45 - 60 mins in day and then bed at 7pm.

So thats 12 hours + roughly 45 mins.

Your DD has similar just different timings. Personal choice, not sure how practical to get her to go to bed earlier.

I would say that if you wanted to have earlier bedtimes need shorter daytime sleep plus earlier in the morning. At that age my DC would be so so tired at 7pm they wouldn't be able to stay awake.

Thanks italianlady but DW and I are very happy. Been together 19 years and both still very much in love. Ta though for your input.

DS3 is 5 weeks. He goes to bed about 2am .

It's a long time ago now but at 2 mine would be in bed around 7pm unless it was a special occasion EG Visiting family for Christmas,
But my brothers children were often up until at least 9.

beaver it gets better. :) With both of mine the hardest thing was that after doing a hard day's "work" looking after them, they still needed attention during the evening and often at night.

I know quite a few families who are very flexible about the DCs bedtimes and it seems to work for them but I wouldn't like it. I think little children need a good 10-12 hours a night and besides, I am VERY ready for some time to myself by early evening so ours usually go to bed at 7-7.30. (They are 2.5 and 5)

before dd started pre school she would often go to bed late or at least at flexible times, mostly because I was at home with her and we like to eat together

now that she at school (5) her bedtime is 8pm although more flexible at Fri-Sat if out and about and on school holidays

whatever works for you really but I think parents should try to agree on this one