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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit upset with my sister.

26 replies

redderthanred · 21/11/2010 17:37

Its her long term ( like 9 years or somethng) boyfriends birthday.

They have been out for a meal with all the family one night
his family another
and just them.

We were not invited to the family meal as they held it on a weekday and it was too late for DD. They knew i wouldnt be able to get a babysitter. I did ask if maybe they could do it a week later, but they wouldnt.

So, i said ill maybe pop round for lunch with them one day as they were off, bring bread/cheese, cake etc... she said that would be great and she would get back to me.

which she never did. then called me to ask where i was last tuesday.

anyway. I said id pop round sunday afternoon as i wanted to give him his present.

He was working in the garden and just came in for like 10 mins to open his present. Sister had called saturday to ask what time i was coming so they could make sure they were done and could spend some time with us.

There was cake on the table and we didnt get offered any. She could have invited us for tea or something? didnt even get offered a drink. She clearly didnt want us there and just sat and played her ds making no conversation at all. so we left after an hour.

AIBU to feel a bit left out and upset.

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 21/11/2010 18:09

Hmm, hardly the warmest of welcomes, I agree!

Is the BF always a bit stand offish with you? I have an inkling it's coming from him and not her.

Is he a bit controlling, is he not encouraging contact between her and her family in general?

Don't take offence, and not at your sister just yet, not until you know what's really going on here.

Mind you the playing her DS is rude, I take it they have no DC, have they been funny with you since you had yours?

Can you get her to come out with you alone and ask her to her face if there is a problem?

Original poster
redderthanred · 21/11/2010 19:32

Her and her bf are a bit weird everyone thinks that.
Shes treated like a princess, but isnt allowed to do anything without running it by him first.

He sometimes doesnt come to family things as he doesnt ' do' family.

Nope - no kids. She would love them, he wont let her.

Everyone says they are very selfish with their general outlook. ( as i supose they would be really)

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 21/11/2010 19:58

Yabu

did you really expect them to postpone birthday celebrations for a week? That's quite rude IMO

Was it a big birthday?

perfumedlife · 21/11/2010 20:03

Helluva palavar over a sister's boyfriedn's birthday. Who cares about him? Why are three meals out neccessary, or am i just anti social?

If it was your sister's birthday I could see your point, but frankly, for her partner's I don't see why you are bothered.

Asking if the meal could be moved back a week is a bit OTT to me.

MumInBeds · 21/11/2010 20:06

Is it a 'big' birthday? 3 meals then doing something else with a sis-in-law sounds like a lot for your average adult birthday.

Original poster
redderthanred · 21/11/2010 21:28

Yeah it was a big birthday . It's more of everyone celebrated it bar me and dd. We were just left out.

OP posts:
Sallykitten · 21/11/2010 21:40

I agree with ENormaSnob. I think she was rude when you went round because you asked them to postpone his birthday celebrations by a week to fit it in around you.

Birthday celebrations tend to be on/around the birthday not a week later.

I also notice you say 'we' weren't invited. So why couldn't your other half stay at home with the kids if you couldn't get a baby sitter.

I think you've been rude and she's reacting to that to be honest.

Original poster
redderthanred · 22/11/2010 08:24

We as in DD and i.

I dont have another half.

I didnt ask to pospone the whole celebrations, because there were 3. Just one, so maybe DD and i could go and be part of it.

DD was upset because she didnt get to go. I feel left out.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 22/11/2010 09:12

Tbh your op makes you sound rather self centred. The focus of that and your last post is all about you and how you feel.

Fwiw I wouldn't be arsed about seeing my bil over my birthday, perhaps yours feels the same.

ballstoit · 22/11/2010 09:39

Why would it have been better a week later? Am a bit lost.

NurseSunshine · 22/11/2010 09:45

YANBU - they were ridiculously rude to you when you went over.

ENormaSnob · 22/11/2010 09:46

Ballstoit, the op asked them to defer bday meal for a week so she and her dd could attend. Better for them not the birthday boy.

Appletrees · 22/11/2010 09:52

They were really rude.

needafootmassage · 22/11/2010 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballstoit · 22/11/2010 10:11

I get that she says it would be better, but why? If my sister asked me to rearrange something for her I'd be more likely to do it if she had a good reason. I'm wondering what the op's reason is.

My suspicion is that she doesnt have a good reason but was just being a bit awkward with her sister so she would have an excuse not to go.

ENormaSnob · 22/11/2010 10:16

I think the op wants everything tailored to her regardless of whether it affects anyone else.

It says in the op that lack of a babysitter is the issue but then says that her dd feels left out too Confused

Unless you are exceptionally close to your bil I don't get the big deal here.

Morloth · 22/11/2010 10:18

I dunno, it sounds a bit weird to be so interested in your sister's boyfriend's birthday.

Why do you care so much? I have no idea when my BIL/SILs birthdays are, the kids I do but not the adults.

Original poster
redderthanred · 22/11/2010 10:23

i only asked if they could pospone the our family meal.

it was
sister
her boyfriend
mum
stepdad
brother

that was it. then usually dd and i.

im not overly concerned about his birthday, other that the fact that we all, have, for every year, for everyones birthday, gone out for a meal.

Yes, lack of babysitter was an issue and yes DD felt left out. Shes 5 and gets very excited about peoples birthdays as children tend to do.
She writes the card, wraps the present. she likes going out for a meal and everything that entails and she likes giving the present.

we were just totally left out of that.

It wasnt like it was a big party i asked to be rearranged. it was just mum etc and brother lives with them too. They werent fussed when it was either.

OP posts:
JinnyS · 22/11/2010 10:27

Was your DD the only child?

I think it's pretty clear that they wanted an adult only meal.

I think I'd move on

Original poster
redderthanred · 22/11/2010 10:28

and i dont expect everything to be arranged around me. but i do expect to be included in family things.

Esp when i go out of my way to make sure others are included. and mum etc goes out of her way to make sure others are included and that every year ever ( since the birthday meal thing has been going on) everyone has always been invited, or its been arranged so that everyone can go, and in the past that has meant odd days, or odd times, but it didnt matter as long as everyone was there.

If my sister had be sociable when i went to see her to give him the damn present, or had offered me a drink, or even asked if we wanted to stay for dinner or something, then it would have been ok.

I think its just mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
redderthanred · 22/11/2010 10:32

and bailstop - why on earth would i be being awkward and looking for an excuse not to go?

hos birthday was actually sat. they had our family meal on the thur, sat down at 8pm. I said could they not do it on the sat or sunday instead, so actually not a week later. and closer to his birthday but she said no as they had plans the sat and were doing decking on the sunday,
We could have all gone out for sunday lunch, or dinner and everyone could have come. DD included.

So yes, im a bit upset as clearly she does not give a fuck.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 22/11/2010 12:20

I still think yabu.

If they already had plans then it is a bit much asking them to change them on your account. I would refuse to change from an evening meal to a Sunday lunch too. It's a big ask IMO.

They were rude to you on the Sunday though.

Sallykitten · 22/11/2010 15:29

Redderthanred,

I've just noticed something in your earlier post I wanted to pick up on?

^Nope - no kids. She would love them, he wont let her.

Everyone says they are very selfish with their general outlook. ( as i supose they would be really)^

Are you saying that people who don't have children will always be inherently selfish?

You sound like a lovely woman with a brilliant attitude, I can't understand why they wouldn't be that bothered about having you at their meal.

Sallykitten · 22/11/2010 15:33

Do you perhaps think it's possible they've picked up on your attitude that they're selfish because they don't have children.

Yet you expect family occasions to be moved around for your convenience because you have a child. Did you even try and get a baby sitter or did you just say no straight off the bat.

Do you not think it's possible they're getting peed off with you because you've become selfish since you had a child. That you know expect special treatment and things to be arranged around you because you have a kid?

And then you call them selfish. Pot, kettle.

Original poster
redderthanred · 22/11/2010 16:44

i never said anything about people without children being selfish. They are though. Its not only me that says that.

I can also understand why though, as its only them, they dont have to think about anyone else. I should think id be very much the same, and to be honest, why shouldnt they be selfish??

They knew i wouldnt be able to get a sitter as they are the only ones that babysit. ( the family who are out on that meal, and thats only happened once in like 12 months)

Ive not been in the area that long and dont know anyone. They all know that.

I do still think she was mean. We have all as a family always gone out for a meal for someones birthday, even when we were little.

Its a long standing tradition, and i feel like ive deliberatley been left out.

That upsets me.

OP posts:
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