..because I'm sure I'm loosing perspective..

[IhateSunday]

(Namechanger because no - one knows i'm pg)

I'm in early pg and I'm bloody knackered. I have one DD who is a dream really, not demanading (she's primary school age), but up at the crack of dawn, and too young to be left up alone, so I'm up 7 days a week at 6am.

I don't work, so have the days she is at school to myself.

DP works hard, but does sod all else and never has.

The house is a tip. Not dirty, but a tip. There is a mountain of washing to be done, the kitchen needs cleaning and everywhere needs a tidy and a hoover. Oh, and we need to do a shop before the supermarket closes.

He is still in bed and it's lunchtime, and i'm writing this so I don't go and rip his f'ing head off.He went out last night, which I don't mind AT ALL, but I DO mind being disturbed at 2 am when I have to be up with the LO at 6, when i'm in a hormone induced fog of tiredness..

I could have got off my ass this am and done it all, I know it's my job. But It's taken me all I've got to get a bath and dressed. I've just sat here and got more and more annoyed.

AIBU to be maungy and whingy and just pissed off?

I'm just bloody tired, and jealous that he's in bed, and I only ever get about 3 hours sleep without being disturbed.

Because she has very specific reasons for feeling bad and could do with the support and extra help at the moment. She isn't saying that she expects him to work all week and then do all the housework, or that this will go on forever, just that she is feeling rough at this particular stage of the pg and imo it would be nice if he thought about it and offered.

I think the offering of help would have gone a long way towards making the OP feel better.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think a man with DC should be spending half the day in bed while his pg wife gets up at 6am every day. She has already said that she is getting 3 hours of sleep per night and can't sleep during the day because she feels guilty.

I guess we all have different tolerance levels in our relationships.

' Maybe it's just me, but I don't think a man with DC should be spending half the day in bed while his pg wife gets up at 6am every day. '

Completely agree as a general rule. However, I don't have a problem if he goes out once in a great while to have fun with his mates, and then has a lie-in the next morning. OP should be able to cope without making him feel sorry/guilty he went out.

Another thing that occurs to me - how is OP going to cope with the inevitable long term sleep deprivation that comes with a new baby?

It doesn't sound to me as if there is enough communication between you and your DH, Ihate.....
It is perfectly reasonable for you to get him up on a sunday if you are bone tired with early pregnancy exhaustion. But you need to TELL him! OR sit him down and say just how bad the exhaustion is and how can he help you get a lie in?
Also, I think you need to manage your time - you are in the VERY luxurious position of having six hours-ish per day to yourself 5 days a week (I am so jealous I can barely breathe ) so you need to plan your time according to the priority; at present your priority is to look after YOU and that may mean getting some domestic help from DH after work (most human beings have to come in from work and do domestic stuff!!!!) and systematically, in a planned way, use the days to relax; forget the crock of shit that is 'I'd feel guilty' and don't be a martyr; do whatever it takes to really relax; have a hot milk have a bath, get really warm, set your alarm for school pick up time and just rest.

Can only speak from my own experience, but I've had the sort of pg where you feel so ill that walking across the room is a struggle and I've had the sleep deprivation that comes with newborn babies. I found pg sickness worse tbh.

The OP says that her DH works hard but does nothing else in the house. She feels ill and isn't sleeping. He never gets up with their child - the Op is doing that 7 days a week. I think that when he is home he ought to be helping. It's wrong that she is up and coping by herself because he is in bed hungover.

I think everyone needs a lie in! Even when I was home full time with DS, and Dh was full time at work, he expected to do some domestic stuff at home and he gave me a lie in each saturday (and often I went out for a couple of hours on a Sat am for coffee etc to get a break) I don't think any of that makes my DH a hero, it makes him a nice chap and someone who is fulfilling his basic fatherly duties! Full time work doesn't buy you out of having responsibility at home.

not read the entire thread but wanted to say i feel your pain and you could prob just do with a good night's sleep and a hug. sadly it's not going to get any easier when dc2 comes along so i'd really try and resolve this with your oh now or at least determine expectations now otherwise there will be real resentment when baby comes along and you are even more exhausted. i'm just dealing with all that now..i think we're getting there 4 months in but the dynamics of family life with 2 kids absolutely require the 2 of you to pull together and share the load more than ever. (and of course i know there will be loads of MN with +2 kids..and by god do they have my admiration!!!) good luck x

Have you explained to your dh how completely and utterly draining early pg can be?

I've found that (and women that haven't had children too!) often completely underestimate how boneshatteringly exhausting those early days can be - later on in pg people can see the big bump and if they are nice empathetic people will usually figure that physically it can be very tiring to be several months pregnant.

However, when you are still only weeks pregnant and nothing is visible, it is easy for them to assume that it is pretty much 'everything as normal' - maybe just need to take a few extra vitamins/folic acid, watch food you eat and no drinking. Just doesn't occur that there might be the horrendous tiredness too.

Might be worth discussing it with him, pointing out that it is not usually something that lasts for the whole pregnancy but for the next few weeks you may be really struggling as a result of the pregnancy and therefore would be nice if he could provide a bit extra help for you. I know lots of people start jumping up and down and shouting that pregnancy is not an illness, I know, but sometimes it can have effects on people that make them feel rubbish and they do need support in those times. Especially from the dads-to-be!