..because I'm sure I'm loosing perspective..

[IhateSunday]

(Namechanger because no - one knows i'm pg)

I'm in early pg and I'm bloody knackered. I have one DD who is a dream really, not demanading (she's primary school age), but up at the crack of dawn, and too young to be left up alone, so I'm up 7 days a week at 6am.

I don't work, so have the days she is at school to myself.

DP works hard, but does sod all else and never has.

The house is a tip. Not dirty, but a tip. There is a mountain of washing to be done, the kitchen needs cleaning and everywhere needs a tidy and a hoover. Oh, and we need to do a shop before the supermarket closes.

He is still in bed and it's lunchtime, and i'm writing this so I don't go and rip his f'ing head off.He went out last night, which I don't mind AT ALL, but I DO mind being disturbed at 2 am when I have to be up with the LO at 6, when i'm in a hormone induced fog of tiredness..

I could have got off my ass this am and done it all, I know it's my job. But It's taken me all I've got to get a bath and dressed. I've just sat here and got more and more annoyed.

AIBU to be maungy and whingy and just pissed off?

I'm just bloody tired, and jealous that he's in bed, and I only ever get about 3 hours sleep without being disturbed.

completely agree with what you are saying Marantha, I don't think my posts have come across as DP hating or disrespecting at all though, I know how hard he works and the responsibilities he has. I just don't feel that this am that that respect has been reciprocated.

Think hormones are playing a big part in it. I'm usually quite laid back about things, but then I'm usually on top of it.

He's up and decided we are all off out for lunch and going to the cinema to watch Harry Potter. Whilst any other day that would be lovely, I just want to go to bed!!!

I don't think I could possibly be pleased today whatever he did...

Autism Muggle xx

Early pregnancy tiredness is vile so can completely understand the lack of energy to do the housework. I would expect your DP to do his fair share while you are both at home.

I found mess doubly stress inducing during pregnancy- it's the nesting instinct kicking in. A tidy house is a tidy mind.

Try and let it go today. Try and get DD on board with helping too. She can go round with a duster, maybe even hoover? Turn it into a game.

Set up food shopping online- it will be a godsend when baby arrives.

I think that the point is that usually ihatesundays can and does get everything done, but at the moment she's exhausted and pregnancy-hormonal and needs her partner to be just that and take a bit of the slack whilst she is tired. Why shouldn't she get the odd lie in too? No wonder he's tired if he was out til 2am, and we all deserve a break or a lie in - both of them do, not just him.

If the child is primary school age she is old enough to entertain herself for an hour on a school morning, at 6 mine is getting up, dressing and making herself cornflakes. Now I know that's because she watches her older sisters but even so the eldest used to get up early and sit and watch TV and eat fruit from the bowl until I rose around 7.30am.

Aw you need to lower your standards
enjoy the film

I was going to suggest you curl up on the sofa with your dd and a dvd- that's what I used to do when pregnant and having 2 toddlers to look after. I could snooze and they were happy snuggled up with mum and a favourite film on.

Enjoy the film, anyway!

mamatomany - the OP has just said that her DD has autism.

Yep she has Autism, so can't be left alone, but I didn't want that to come into this debate because it isn't about that. We cope just fine with her ASD, we count our blessings as it could be sooo much worse.
She is moderately affected, so can't be left alone just incase, but she doesn't have the behaviour issues really that a lot of families with kids with asd have to face. Her issues are mainly around communication and rigidity. I couldn't have a nap on the sofa with a DVD, as she would be tear arsing round the house in 10 mins. She needs keeping on task, which we are all used to and do as a matter of course.

Marantha - if OP's DH had been at work last night and was lying in, fair enough. He wasn't - he was out. He got in at 2am. He then had a lie in until midday because he felt like it, having stayed out until 2am because he felt like it. Damn right I'd have kicked him out of bed before midday! He had the fun, now he can do the time, as it were.

Well we went to Frankie and Benny's, and also broke DD's heart as Harry Potter was full, but hey ho at least we got out.

DP tried to start on me about the state of my car (to be fair there were still bags in there from Friday, and pop bottles etc), but I stopped him dead in his tracks- I told him every limb ached from being so tired and he best wind his neck in if he knew what was good for him- he obliged suprisingly!

Feeling slightly less miffed, am giving up till tomorrow, and getting an early night as soon as LO is in bed. We don't have work men here tomorrow for the first time in weeks, so can be slothernly till tomorrow..

I should just not let it bloody bother me, I'm a grown woman FGS.

I don't have a great deal of sympathy to be honest. An awful lot of people work full time throughout early pregnancy and look after their kids.

I'm not being funny, but your daughter is at school in the week and your husband is at work but the house is apparently a tip come the weekend. What exactly are you doing all week when your at home alone if the house is still a mess come the weekend?

I have to say if you're not working and your husband is supporting you to be a housewife then that is your side of the bargain. If he's working all week and then you're screaming at him all weekend to clean the house and complaining he does nothing when you've not cleaned the house all week while he's been working I think he would be quite within his rights to be cheesed off.

Communal areas, communal cleaning. He lives there 24/7 too. Drudgery is soul-destroying.

YANBU. Partying till 2am then sleeping til 12 when you have a child you don't see all week is irresponsible. Daughter needs her Dad and YOU need a break!

I recommend a weekend away for you, no-one else. Maybe when the effects of your work are visible, he may not take you so much for granted.

I don't think you have read the whole post SallyKitten.

My house was clean and tidy on Friday. I haven't neglected my duties all week! The house is kept on top of 99.9% of the time, it is my job, my side of the bargain, and I do it without moaning.

I haven't once even asked him to do any housework, never mind scream at him. I wouldn't do that, and I haven't insinuated that in any of my posts.

He's not cheesed off about the house, he doesn't particularly care if there is a pile of laundry to do, toys on the floor and plates left out etc... It was me that was bothered that I had let my usual standards slip.

I was just absolutely bloody shattered today from a total of about 3 hours sleep. I am fully aware lack of sleep/hormones can skew our ability to be rational, hence posting in AIBU. I got some great balanced responses from people who had actually read the OP, so Thankyou!

"An awful lot of people work full time throughout early pregnancy and look after their kids."
I'm sure many do, but that's actually irrelevant. The OP has said that this state of affairs is unusual for her, in which case we, and her DH, could cut her some slack. I remember that absolute exhaustion in the first few weeks, where even getting up to go to the loo feels like an insurmountable task. If she has a free weekend where her DH is around but chilling out, then why can she not ask him to help her out a bit? It's not every weekend, after all, and she is growing a baby with him.

a primary school child who is " up at the crack of dawn" is not "too young to be left up alone"

tell her she's not allowed out of her room until 7pm - and put a sticker on her clock to help her see what time she can move

OP I am a little bit at this but maybe I'm just jealous... I am 33 weeks pg, I work fulltime, I commute 2 hours min per day, DH works stupid hours and we have a DD who is 2.6. I have been bloody knackered from day one of this pregnancy but slacking off is just not an option. I manage to stay on top of laundry and dishes during the week, at the weekends do a bit more to get ready for the week ahead eg: lots of batch cooking etc. DH is good at pulling his weight too but tbh I DREAM of sending DD to school and having 6 hours to myself every day, I don't think I'd know what to do with myself. Cup of tea and Jeremy Kyle followed by light housework and a little nap? Jeesus...

Activate, as mentioned in a few posts before, my LO is autistic, so can't be left up alone for more than a few minutes. Most of the time i'm sure she would just watch telly and play with toys, but as many parents of ASD kids know, you just can't trust them 100%, and the minute you relax is the minute they do something really random like trying to use a sharp knife to cut paper for example. She once locked me out of the house really early in the am when I went to get toilet rolls out of the car, she just shut the door and it was on a Yale lock. Just random things when you let your guard down.

She wouldn't let me lie in anyway, she stands beside me and is my human alarm clock (although she sounds more like a fire engine)

I could tell her till I am blue in the face to stay in her room till a certain time ( and she can tell the time really well, even though she's only 6), and it wouldn't make any difference, it just wouldn't occour to her that she had to stay in her room, why would she when she was awake and ready to rise?

It's not about her though, it's about the fact that I was shattered and needed a bit of understanding from my p this morning and actually got left to it. Which I don't usually mind. But I did mind this am. Which is uncharacteristic of me.

I completely understand ELPORTODELGATO what you are saying, I did say previously I have a nice life andhave nothing to complain about at all. (I don't nap in the day though, I would feel too guilty for one, and it makes me feel far worse)

I am lucky, I worked full time with a long commute in my first pg so I know how priveledged I am this time around.

I think that some of you are very unsympathetic towards the OP. If my DH went out partying til 2 am I would still expect him to be up at a reasonable time to help out with the DC. It's a SAHM job to take care of the house while her husband is at work, but it is not her job to work 24/7 while her DH languishes in bed. When he is home childcare and housework should be shared.

Added to that, the OP feels like shit because early pg for some women is bloody awful and she has a child with autism who cannot be left alone, while she sleeps on the sofa. Her DH should be thinking about that and he should be sitting with the child so his wife can sleep when she needs to sometimes.

To those of you who think she should be on top of the housework, please read the whole thread. She hasn't left the house untouched for weeks. It doesn't take long for a house to get messy. Leave it for one day, when you have DC and it can soon look awful.

Yes, some women work full time when in early pg. I did when having DS1, but i felt like death warmed up and held on by the skin of my teeth with regular puking breaks. It's horrible, and as the OP has a husband who could ease that a little for her, then I think he should.

Agree karma.

Glad your DP "wound his neck in" when asked to, IHS - perhaps he recognised the danger signs of continuing!

Hope you get a better night's sleep tonight and feel more the thing tomorrow. :)

I remember the tiredness of early pregnancy. Its like nothing else on earth, for me it was awful. You have my complete sympathy [& v un MN hugs]

FWIW, my experience of having a newborn and an older child was a million times easier than being pregnant and having an older child so please don't worry about how it'll be when the baby is born.

I still don't think you're being reasonable.

You have a lot of free time in the week, you can just sort everything out on Monday morning. He works all week, give him a chance to relax.

Does he go out till two every weekend? If it's only occassional I think it's unreasonable to complain about that too.

If the boot was on the other foot and this was, for example, an unemployed man who was insisting his wife cleaned up at the weekend and didn't have any nights out after she'd been working all week people would be complaining he was controlling and selfish. I don't see why this is any different just because it's a bloke.

She didn't ask him to clean up. She didn't even ask him to get out of bed. She didn't tell him that he couldn't go out. It would have been nice for him to think for himself that she is feeling like shit, doesn't get enough sleep, has to constantly watch their child etc and therefore haul his arse out of bed at a reasonable time and give the place a quick blitz while she gets a bit of sleep.

By the way, she's not unemployed. She is a SAHM with a child who has autism and needs constant supervision.

karmabeliever. Ihatesunday has said in her opening post that looking after her daughter is a 'dream' (her words not mine) and that she has 6 hours a day free to herself.
Even if she sleeps for FOUR of those hours, she still has 2 spare to do housework.
She herself thinks she is being unreasonable owing to tiredness and hormones.

So why continue to do a hard-working bloke who likes to let off a bit of steam at the weekend down?