...to believe that presents my dd asks Santa for, should appear 'from Santa' in the morning, and not as presents from family members

[gladis]

Obviously with some exceptions, but in general, I try to make sure that the 4 or 5 things that the dc ask Santa for, come in the stocking from Santa. These are sitting by the fire in and around the stocking first thing in the morning. Then later in the day we all open presents from under the tree from family members.

However, my dp feels 'extremely strongly' that it is completely irrelevant who gives them the presents that they ask Santa for.

As I come from a different country (however a very British colony I should add) he simply says that 'this is how it happened in my house and in Britain. In my culture, you simply ask Santa for presents in the letter but on Christmas Day it doesn't matter who they come from 'aunt, cousin, mum or dad etc'.

Children have good memories and every night they think about what they asked Santa for and whether Santa will give them those presents, so it strikes me as odd that they would then get it from someone else. At the very least it must help to keep the myth of Santa alive for a bit longer because there is some consistency.

I just find this 'odd'. Is this the British way? Am I being unreasonable?

My kids understand that Father Christmas brings SOME of what they ask for...if he can get hold of it....bt sometimes Aunty so and so might be abe to get it and so she does.

It's easier then for me to shuffle things about a bit.

you can't expect a family to change their xmas traditions to suit what you want.

Doesn't matter whether something a friend of relative buys ds has been mentioned in his Christmas list - ds has never questioned it and if he did, I'd say 'FC knew Auntie X had bought you Y'.

In my house, stockings and many presents under the tree come from FC, with a couple of big presents from us. Then presents from friends and relatives come from them and they are thanked in return.

Entirely up to you and dh how it runs in your house, but he can't insist it is done his way. You both have to agree.

"you can't expect a family to change their xmas traditions to suit what you want."

Which family is being asked to do that?

the op wants his DP's family to do things her way

This is really interesting...I'm still making my way through all the posts, but have to go and make lunch, so will come back afterwards to read the rest.

When dd writes her list, and suggests expensive things, I sort of say 'that might be a bit much for Santa, maybe you should ask Mummy and Daddy nicely and they might get it for Christmas/your birthday'. So the bigger/more expensive presents come from us.

It's more that the four or five things she puts on her list to Santa, come from Santa/Father Christmas on the day.

We don't try and pretend that the presents that come from us and other family later in the day, actually came from Santa.....what dp is saying is that, our dc should write a request list to Santa, but that these presents can appear from anyone on the day...some from family, some from Santa. That's fine for one or two presents, as you can say it is co-incidental or we can say 'we thought it might be a bit much for Santa so we told Auntie Whatsit that you would like it', but he is telling me that I am being completely ridiculous.

To be honest, he is being a tired, grumpy git today, but he has never backed down on this point and I just have to subtly carefully engineer it to ensure that Santa requests appear in the stocking from Father Christmas.

It is very helpful to hear that other Brits don't entirely stand behind his view of things.

He's not the best compromiser when it comes to 'tradition' so I usually have to do things in a round about way, iykwim.

Isn't OP's DP describing what the family he was born into did, and the OP describing what the family comprising herself, her DP and their children do? Two different families.

Though there should be agreement between the adults in this second family.

TBH I don't think there is a "British Way" - every family just have their own traditions and their own way of doing things.

When I was a child I believed absolutely in Father Christmas until I was 10yo, wrote him a letter and left a mince pie out on Christmas Eve etc. However, I knew that the presents he delivered had all been bought for me by relatives. I was told that people sent the presents to him for me and it was then his job to bring them and leave them in my santa sack at Christmas. It worked for me!

We used a similar story for DD but she went and worked the truth out for herself by the time she was 5 and a bit

The stocking contents were from Santa. And we still do stockings now.

I always had a few presents from Santa. Usually stocking, underwear and maybe a book/game. The rest was from family members.

I have always told DS stocking is from Santa, and he writes a list of things he'd like so 'if family want to buy him a present to celebrate they can'. Trying to avoid the expecting.

This year he has said he'd like to ask Santa for Knex rollercoaster so I will buy that from Santa as well as stocking things (which I wrap from Santa). I will leave that on his bed with his stocking.

I find its not a British thing but more of a family thing. DS had pressies from me in the morning and then we all go to parents for lunch, me,DS,Dsis, her boyfriend and Dbro. After lunch we open pressies from them Aunts Uncles, each other etc. We do it child style now for DS whos 6yo. We each get one to open etc.

My ex-MIL however did it differently. When we'd arrive there she'd just announce that theres your pile their and DS' there and thats ex-p's. We weer just expected to open them. I found it uncomfortable but embraced it anyway.

My friend and I discussed this last week, she was saying she had begun to wonder whether everything should be from Santa as thats who the list is sent too. She tho gets all presents under her tree and also goes to her mum and dads in the afternoon with her DC's.

Sorry about the long reply but just wanted to show you YANBU and everybody does it their own way - there doesn't seem to be a right one.

In our house Father Christmas brings everything and we don't write thank-you letters. My family do it more like the previous posters, FC brings some, family bring others. I don't expect to be thanked for what I buy either. Mind you, we work exceptionally hard to maintain the FC story -presents that arrive late are not given out on Xmas day, DCs only see one FC not various men badly dressed in scruffy red suits etc. Expect many will disagree with us but the point is YANBU - there is no British way - everyone has their own way.

Oh babydubs love t5he xmas eve hamper. Think I may do that this year. Board game, book, nice snacks and colouring to stop him spending the whole day asking when its bedtime!!

Mums and dads send presents to Santa to deliver - kind of a monthly savings/behaviour vetting middle-man. Occasionally mums and dads might mention to Aunt Ethel that a certain present is really wanted, in which case Aunt Ethel decides to buy you that instead. Santa's more of a wedding gift list service.

And those other Santas in stores everywhere are sub-contractors to spread the workload and take requests as Santa HQ is too busy at Christmas to do everything himself...

Do you guys not have all of this worked out by now!?

I tried the teachers have Santa's phone number stored in their mobile phone trick one year - one of the kids asked me for the number :( that's cheating!

In our house the stocking is from Santa and everything else is from people. MIL used to disagree with me on this but I think it is important that children know how to say thank you.

Also, when my nephew was little and went back to school after Christmas he was crestfallen to find out that he was the only child in his class not to get any presents from his parents, because they had all come from Santa.

I guess everyone has their own traditions! In our house, all the presents bought by DH and I are from Santa- we are miserable gits who buy the kids nothing, because we rely on santa to provide! Santa leaves a stocking for each of them at the foot of their bed, then a heap of pressies for each under the tree.

Presents from other people are handed over and the children know that the present is from that person. I actually prefer the children to open presents as they are given, even if it is the week before Christmas, because I think it is nice for the person who bought the gift to see the children excited and happy to open it (It also means fewer thank you letters!!) Besides, they get so much on the day itself that many presents would get overlooked in a way. Some folk think this is weird, and want me to put the present under the tree for christmas day, but I feel that opening it then and there allows the kids to focus on that present alone for a little while and be excited.

My dad confuses me because he wants to pretend that Santa left presents at his house for the children, whereas I prefer them to know they are from him- we have this discussion every year!

Caboodle - no thank you's from the dc? Don't your relatives and friends mind? My mil would hate it if we pretended her gift was from fc. She likes them to know she loves them and is thinking of them at Xmas

Oh and does anyone else do what I do, put pressies under the tree when DS is in bed - nothing before - as Santa delivers them all of course

"Presents from other people are handed over and the children know that the present is from that person. I actually prefer the children to open presents as they are given, even if it is the week before Christmas, because I think it is nice for the person who bought the gift to see the children excited and happy to open it (It also means fewer thank you letters!!) Besides, they get so much on the day itself that many presents would get overlooked in a way."

I totally agree. We do that as well.

Also I don't put anything under the tree until after DD goes to bed on Christmas Eve. It is too tempting for opportune burglars to peep through the window and break in to hopefully steal a nice new electronic gadget.

FC brings a stocking and one present for the children.

All other presents are acknowledged as having been bought by family members, including us.

In my house as a kid we got a stocking full of little bits and fruit from santa. there was no list!

My DC only ask Father Christmas for stocking filler type things. Something small. If there is something else, bigger, that they really want, they ask us or relatives. Mostly though they like to have a surprise. So do I I thought that as they grew up, they'd be more likely to ask for things, but DS is 9 now and still prefers to be surprised. DD asked for something last year, and got it, but this year is back to the surprise.

I don't really mind how other people do it. Children seem able to manage their friends all having different ways of doing things without too much bother. It's not worth really fretting about I think.

Bigchris - nope, no thank-yous. Thanks come from me, when the DCs aren't around. And we instigated the 'no late pressies' rule when DH's family (who are always badly organised) started turning up with pressies on the day / boxing day / week later. Late pressies are put away, opened some time later and nothing to do with Xmas. As for FC's helpers emptyshell, last year DC1 (who was 4) asked why all the FCs were different and why weren't they busy at the North Pole wrapping pressies? The said as they were all different he didn't think FC could be real. And I'm sure I will be flamed for this but as DC1 can now read DH and I are thinking or removing all the tags from pressies before DCs see them , although will be organisational nightmare remembering who got what from whom! OP- your way seems a fair compromise, requests made to FC come from FC, others from family.

OP i'm with you and I think it's the more magical way

Caboodle

I think you are setting yourselves up for trouble later on. What is wrong with letting your children know that other people buy presents? One day you may get great auntie Mabel asking if DC1 liked the train set she bought him for Christmas.