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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish away the baby phase?

29 replies

stickersarecurrency · 20/11/2010 20:37

This is DC 2. It's just all work, isn't it, just when you've got to a stage where the first one can be left/is a bit more independent. For various reasons my relationship with DP has really blossomed since her birth but we have no time together. DS is missing out on attention. She's gorgeous and smiley and cute but if I can be honest I'll be happier in a year. Is that terrible?

OP posts:
DullWomenHaveImmaculateHomes · 20/11/2010 20:39

I don't know what it's like to be in your situation because I've only got one, but I can imagine you kicking yourself in years to come for not making the most of this time.

pinkhebe · 20/11/2010 20:42

That time is such hard work, I don't miss it at all! Or do I kick myself for not enjoying it more. I am however enjoying my boys at age 7 and 10 :o

MerryMarigold · 20/11/2010 20:44

It's hard, but in some ways harder at 2 I think. Tantrums, misbehaving, discipline.

Enjoy the innocent smiles, giggles, and if you are bf then that too. My twins are 2, and ds1 is 5. I miss the baby stage with the twins (and know I will never have it again). And they are reminding me so much of ds1 when he was 2, I am now sometimes missing those days too! He's such a grown up boy now...I miss those making-first-sentences days and experimenting with language, so cute. We can only live in the present and enjoy these times not hanker after past or future...

YANBU cos it's normal to feel like that sometimes but YABU if you feel like that all the time. Babies are lush!

littlemissturquoise · 20/11/2010 20:47

Not at all bad to feel like that. Your feelings are your feelings. I really loved the baby stage but have to admit that I felt that the real fun started once DS was over 12 months. You have just had a baby so even though you have already had one you need to get used to the change again.

Babies are lovely but they are all demanding and time-consuming and they rock the happy-family-you-had boat. I am preg with no 2 at the moment and will have about a three year gap, so I can already relate to what you write.

Don't feel guilty about your emotions. Own them! All the best.

Firawla · 20/11/2010 20:48

i guess you cant help how you feel but i do think as said above you may kick yourself for not making the most of it and enjoying it, to me its quite a shame to wish it away as they grow up so quickly anyway!

MrsTittleMouse · 20/11/2010 20:48

I am in your position but two years down the line. I do regret not enjoying the baby years more, but both mine were Very Hard Work as babies, and the regret is not as great as the sense of relief that it's all over. :)

To be honest, I was so shattered all the time, that it's hard to imagine how I could have enjoyed it more. Not that I didn't take time to sniff their heads and watch them sleep, but it just isn't the best time for me.

Personally I am holding out until the grandchildren - all the cute and none of the sleep deprivation! Grin

angel1976 · 20/11/2010 20:49

YANBU. I am the same as you. I just cannot bear the baby stage, everything is so so HARD.

DS2 just turned 1 and I can honestly say, my life certainly took a change for the better when both my boys turned 1. Today, we went to a friend's house this afternoon and for the first time, they both played with my friend's DCs and for once, I wasn't constantly feeding/changing/holding DS2 and I could have a chat with my friend... Grin

I kept telling myself when DS2 was a baby to ENJOY him as a baby as they grow up really fast and I am not having a third so this is it for me but honestly? I still found myself looking forward to him getting older!

Original poster
stickersarecurrency · 20/11/2010 20:52

DS was an impossibly miserable baby and a charming toddler. This one I'd expected to be totally different but though she's not as hard going as he was she's not a placid, easy baby. I think when I didn't have to resign myself to rocking a howling baby for literally hours every night I really started to enjoy DS. With DD I probably spend more time actually enjoying her tinyness, and she helps the bonding by having the biggest, gummiest grin, but I still feel like it's a slog.

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 20/11/2010 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkstarlight · 20/11/2010 20:55

my 3 are 18,14,11 and i would give anything to have them back as babies. honestly teens and pre teens are much harder work,enjoy it they grow so fast.

perfumedlife · 20/11/2010 20:56

YANBU I hated it and found it mostly hard, repetitive work and boring. I loved toddler land and never experienced the terrible twos.

Of course, now that he is older I wish he was 9months again. Sad

Be careful what you wish for.

perfumedlife · 20/11/2010 20:57

Sleep tight LadyintheRadiator, you made me smile Smile

PassionKiss · 20/11/2010 20:58

Well I only have one so a different situation but I often feel guilty for wishing the time away. Blush

  1. I'm not really a baby person, never used to go all gooey when I saw one etc.
  2. DD is hard work! I adore her, she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen but she is not easy.

I can picture her toddling around and talking already and I can't wait!

Meglet · 20/11/2010 21:01

yanbu. When mine were born I was gritting my teeth and couldn't wait to get to 9-12 months when it got easier. I don't regret wishing it away. Babies aren't particularly exciting to me at all, totally random little pickles IME.

Mine are 4 and 2 now and while they drive me up the wall I could never wish away this stage as they are hilarious. I will be gutted when the toddler days are gone forever.

Bumperlicious · 20/11/2010 21:03

No, I'm the opposite. Totally didn't appreciate dd1 as a baby but enjoying dd2 much more. Though I am looking forward to getting a bit more time & space to myself.

Original poster
stickersarecurrency · 20/11/2010 21:09

See, she's snuggled on my knee snuffling and feeding just now - love it, adore it. But it's taken 2 hours to get her this settled and if I put her down she'll start off again. Normal, expected, but tedious.

Thanks for not flaming me. I genuinely wondered if I WBU.

OP posts:
SingingBear · 20/11/2010 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 20/11/2010 21:21

I was like that with no.2 but regret it as it went so fast I can barely remember him as ababy (and he;s only 3),

now with no3 I'm trying to hold on to every second of her flying by babyhood (apart from the weaning bit which i find endlessly dull)

Showaddywaddy · 20/11/2010 21:24

Nope. Not U at all. I didn't like it. All that effort, worry, anxiety, suffocation, sleep deprivation.

DD is an easy, happy child. Never had that terrible 2s/3s thing.

Newborns are sheer bloody hard work. I like them from about 12 months.

Goldenbear · 20/11/2010 21:26

YANBU for having those feelings but I really don't understand why you would want this stage over with. My DS was a demanding baby and toddler, he is nearly 3 and a half but still only sleeps through the night say twice a week. As a baby we loved his demanding side it made him very interesting and seemed quirky.

I personally agree with the other poster who said 2 was harder. Since he's turned 3 he has been mostly adorable as he can communicate well and I think when this was limited at 2 he was frustrated and therefore hardwork.

I have one due in March but DS will be approaching 4 and I hope this age gap will allow me to enjoy the baby year but maybe i'll feel like you if DS feels left out!

anonymosity · 20/11/2010 21:29

YANBU at all. Its exhausting and all that - you're not hating the process, just looking forward to moving forward and that sounds pretty normal to me.

BornAgainBokononist · 20/11/2010 21:31

I'm so glad this thread is here! I have snuck downstairs after 3 hours getting 8mo ds to sleep in my bed, I'll have to go up again in a minute as he's still up through the night.

Everyone said oh it'll get easier after 6 weeks, then it was definitely supposed to get easier after 3 months, then 6 months, it goes on.. He's had colic, reflux, food intolerances.. Not a happy baby. Felt like packing it all in earlier, it's good to hear other people acknowledge how hard it is and that it does get easier.

SmileyPeeple · 20/11/2010 21:34

Not unreasonable. Mine are 10 and 7 and they've just got better and better over the years.

The baby stage was the dullest part, now is the best part so far. I adore them and dread them growing out of this stage but I wouldn't want to go back to the baby stage. Thye were cute but it was a bit of a grind.

Original poster
stickersarecurrency · 20/11/2010 21:38

Born after being strung along with promises of when it gets better last time, I NEVER mention milestones to others, it's cruel!

OP posts:
Takver · 20/11/2010 21:39

YANBU at all.

I think that there are two sorts of people - those who love the complete dependence of babies, and those (including me) who really don't enjoy it, and get through it for the joy of the amazing person who comes out the other end.

I guess the benefit of being type no. 2 is that they aren't babies for very long!

For me, it all started getting fun from about 1 yr onwards. Right now I think 8 is the best age in the world, but I have a suspicion that I've felt that every age from about 18m is the best age ever :)