SIL childcare fee's....

[celebmum]

hi all.. opinions please!

I'm due to return to work in Jan after 9 blissfull months of mat leave..
I'm lucky enough to be able to reduce my hrs too, and when i return i intend to leave my DS wil my SIL.
I live opposite the school that SIL DD1&2 go to, so the plan is that SIL will drop her 2 at school, collect my DS, have him for 4hrs and then meet me outside work/in the town.. Every Monday & Friday and alternate Tuesdays (approx 40hrs a month)
SIL will also have her DD3 (12weeks younger than my DS). She does not work, never has.
SIL originally wanted £60pw..I have offered her £120 a month as i think that this is reasonable and she has accepted.

AIBU for knocking the price down?

(my Mum, DH and I will share the childcare on the other days and also i will be buying my DS a carseat for her car and a double pushchair for her to use)

thanks
x

I think it's cheeky to have offered less than what she asked for.

Not if she is asking well above the going rate.

I think considering she told you how much she wanted and you're also getting the convenience of her bringing your ds to you after work, that you are being more than a little cheeky to have knocked her down by 50%. I would have tried to meet her in the middle - so 45 pounds a week.

£3.50 per hr here or £25 a day with a CM, although because nurseries have put their costs up, CMs might follow suit.

The fact that she "never worked" has got nothing to do with it. I paid about £650 for a ft nursery place, so if you are doing about a 3rd of that, I would say about 200ish a month was reasonable. Her orginal request was about on the ball probably, so yes YABU to knock it down.

You immediately halved her charges. Why?

And why should you feel you just need to cover expenses? This is a BIG commitment she is taking on. You should be paying for her time!

The other thing is that your SIL is happy to look after your child for the hours you specifically need. You may find it hard to locate a CM who will be able to accommodate you so precisely and one that you like as much as SIL

It won't last becauyse you're paying so little and it hardly covers expenses. if you wanted childcare that would last and enable you to work you should have offered her more than her first offer to you.

I don't think the CM comparison is entirely valid. Your SIL is looking after her DC and one of yours, she isn't looking to take on other families to make up her income. This seems more comparable to a nanny share (where your SIL is the nanny and the other mother) to me.

I think Asteria's point about making sure it's worth her while is a good one. If you have a good relationship with your SIL and you can't imagine that becoming an issue then it should be fine. But if that's the case why are you posting this on AIBU rather than sitting down and negotiating with her directly?

I do think you've been a bit cheeky to be honest - sounds like quite a faff for her and as though you think she should be grateful for the 'money' as 'she doens't work'

And in my experience if people are paid less than they think they deserve - well resentment grows.

I think YAB a bit U. She will be bringing DS to you, and she is accomodating your changing pattern (If you used a CM, a lot would make you pay for every Tuesday, whether you used it or not, and fairly so) You are not just paying for her time at an hourly rate - you are paying for the convienience using SIL offers.

I would split the difference and give her £180. You would count it money well spent if you had to try and get a CM to accomodate you for £120 per month.

40 hours is an average working week. What amount would you consider is a fair wagefor a week's work? Surely minimum wage is more than £120?

If you used registered childcare you could probably claim tax credits to offset some of the cost. A CM is n't usually allowed 2 under 1 and tbh I'd be concerned as to how she will cope. That aside you need ot have some agreement about things like illness (on either side), if she needs to attend appointments/school events during the time she might normally have your ds, cover for holidays and so on. She is restricting herself by having your ds, regardless fo whether she needs the money or not. I doubt it will be as starightforward and convenient as you make it sound.

You need to make sure that she's not being out of pocket and taken for granted. Her having your ds is I'm assuming more important for you than for her.

At any point she could say, actually I'm getting a job etc so cannot look after ds.

I would pay her what she asked for an perhaps a little more rather than bargaining. Its really difficult to ask for more money rather than less.

Never mix family and childcare
you won't be able to criticise how she looks after your child or they'll be a row

Family and money that should say

You are being cheap and taking advantage. Your child and SIL are worth more than that.

Sorry all got distracted by the bedtime/bathtime routine!

probably i wasnt very clear in my OP, my comment re SIL never having worked i meant so as to inform you that there would be no issue re hr work/commitments etc. Also when SIL originally asked for £60pw this was on the understanding that i was returning to work FT and she would be caring for DS for 40hrs pw as it stands she will only be having DS 8-12hrs pw hence my reduction of the asking price.

re the comments regarding 'its hard with 2, and she's restricting herself' what do parents of multiples do!?! (by the way SIL has twin brothers, one of which i married, so she is a dab hand at dealing with two's! )

Also (feeling like i'm having to justify myself here! ) it was SIL decision to collect my DS after the school run and then meet me after work as she felt this was more convenient, i did offer to drop him off/collect.

The fact she has never worked b4 isn't important. The going rate is about 3.50 per hour where we are for childminders. 140 for 40 hours (per month) is fine as long as you pay playgroup costs. She in turn will be helping you out by bringing your child to you after work and feeding it - which is extra really. I think it's only fair you buy a car seat and buggy as she wouldn't need them normally and won't be taking on extra children like most child minders would.

I must move to where it costs £3.50 an hour for a childminder. I have been paying £5 per hour and that is cheap for around here!

As for your SIL I think you need to be careful not to damage your good relationship. Will she feel taken advantage of? is the question you should be asking yourself.

Then your OP is very misleading. She didn't ask for £60 per week and you knocked her down. The amount was revised downwards to reflect the reduced hours, as it would be with any childcare arrangement. But that is not how you made it sound.

I don't underdstand.

If yo work full time, why is she dropping DC off with you after only 4 hours??

Meant to add, all comments made are therefore irrelevant.

Just bear in mind that if you used a CM instead you would in all likelihood be charged a full day's rate (£25+) or possibly half-rate for the hours not used, because a CM would be unlikely to find another child who'd just want afternoons on the days you want, and so could probably fill that place with a full-timer, so would need to charge you.

Just be careful not to underpay or make your generous SIL feel resentful; having someone you trust to look after your child, and who your child already knows and likes, is something I would (and do) pay a lot for.