38 wks pregnant and DH not returning phone calls ?

[batsforlashes]

Called DH 1.5 hours ago and he still has not rung back. I am 38 weeks pregnant and he is not down a mining shaft- works in an office.

Does he deserve a roasting ?

batsforlashes "you may find it sad that some people would be happy to go through labour on their own" .... not always the case.

In the olden days all mothers went through labour on their own and thought nothing of it.

Sometimes men are surplus to requirement in the labour room.

I was overdue with my 4th DC and my DH was working offshore. What did I do ...... lift the phone ...... no way.

In the middle of the night when I realised I was in labour I got myself out of bed, laid out the school clothes for the other 3DC; polished shoes for same said children THEN wakened my mother who was staying with me to tell her I was in labour, had called an ambulance and was off to the hospital to deliver number 4.

No big deal. H came home four days later.

Ok this is not for everyone but we dont NEED our DH's at the birth, we may WANT them there but they are not a necessity.

As for the phone call, i'm saying nowt. ROFL.

There WAS life before the mobile was invented ....... even if people dont like it.

BTW i didnt see myself as a martyr either just because I was on my own.

And aren't you the trooper?

Let's bring back the olden days! There WAS life before the washing machine and dishwasher and hoover were invented.. even if people don't like it. We don't NEED these things. If there was a bit more elbow grease and a bit less of this crazy female desire for self-fulfilment, things would be so much better. The men could just get on with What's Really Important, then, and women wouldn't be such whinging, self-indulgent wusses.

BTW people didn't see themselves as martyrs in the olden days just because they slaved away in domestic drudgery around the clock, had no property, no rights, no voice, no respect

Imagine, once upon a time there were no mobiles, or even telephones and wives had to go whole days without speaking to their DH.

If you are in the habit of calling him at work for non-urgent matters, I'm not surprised he doesn't return your calls straight away. He is there to work after all.

AnotherMumOnHere I actually find that rather depressing! I don't think the issue is that a woman is not capable of delivering a baby without her DP, DP- of course you can but personally I didn't and wouldn't want to! Equally, believe it or not some partners do expect to be contactable when their partner's 38 weeks pregnant as they would not wish to miss out on one of the most important moments of their life!

Agree with other posters that make the point that there is a suggestion that the OP is of some lower order who does not understand the pressures her 'poor' man is under in his position as a Lawyer! All these meetings, all this criticism, all these high powered decisions to make- oh PLEASE, it is called a job! Arguably, a lot of jobs entail pressure, you must have seriously bad judgement if you prioritise work pressure over your partner going into labour. My DB is a Partner in a 'City' Law firm and was able to abandon his 'important' job at a minutes notice as if he hadn't, he would've missed the birth of my nephew, who was born so quickly that he was delivered in the hospital car park!

Oh those poor men. They are so put upon by women.

Sounds like the 'poor' women here feel put upon having to give birth to the babies.

a this thread

'my dh didnt pick up his phone for 2 hours' (its 2 hours not 2 days)
'im 38 weeks pg' (you pg your not dying)
'im not in labour and the phone call wasnt anything important' (stop testing him, if he misses the birth thats his loss)

Jeezus, get a grip woman

Yes, get a grip, woman!

Your man will think you are a hormonal wreck!
He is far more important than you and you should learn to keep your feelings in check because you're onto a good thing with him and the last thing he needs is you being all over-emotional like.

Tsk tsk. Women having moments of irritation. It's far from that our grandmothers were reared.

he might not think youre a hormonal wreck, but possibly a tad controlling

Well said VT; ill be getting accused of being a man soon and told to off as normally happens if anyone speaks ill of women ! (which I am BTW)

in fact, anyone who's dh has to answer the phone but not speak in a meeting, just to prove he is in a meeting, is way beyond controlling, that fucking ridiculous

i used to earwig in conversations that my boss had with (his now ex) wife, his mobile phone would ring no stop while he was in a meeting, and finally when he answered it the conversation would go something like this:

'sorry love i was in a meeting'
'but i left my mobile at my desk'
'but i cant answer it anyway if im in a meeting'
'i know but i was away from my desk'
'i know but i was in a meeting'
'what do you want me to say i was in a bloody meeting'

i felt so embarrassed for the guy

Controlling? Because she is a bit anxious/nestingy at 38 weeks pregnant when he didn't answer the phone last week?

If you're going to be so sodding ridiculous, then maybe he is being controlling by being deliberately uncontactable.

Let's get real here. She wanted to contact him, they had discussed him being contactable as she is a bit concerned as to what will happen in terms of the other kids if she goes into labour suddenly. She was mildly irritated. She posted on AIBU.

This is not an infringement of his civil liberties. It's not akin to placing a hidden camera in his lunchbox or a tracking device on his briefcase. She's not risking her marriage by being vaguely irritable in the latter stages of pregnancy.

It doesn't matter what his job is. They had an agreement, he didn't keep up his part of the bargain, it annoyed her slightly. She said "roasting" - oh my, swoon, she was going to strip him naket and put him on a spit?

Really, no one is or has been unreasonable here. The OP was just mildly irritated. Probably hormonal. I have a feeling the marriage will weather the storm . Even without the need for professional intervention.

Surely it depends what agreement you have about the birth, though? If your partner works offshore and is likely to be working offshore when you're due, or is a surgeon on shift, or doesn't want to be there for the birth - then you plan accordingly. If he does want to be there and has agreed to keep his phone with him and doesn't, then that is irritating.

I would be annoyed if that was what we had agreed (and to be fair, this is likely to happen to me as DH is rubbish with phone calls/mobiles).

Don't forget that the OP said the last 2 were early so I can completely understand why she's nervous at not being called back. She isn't 'way beyond controlling'.

2 of my DCs were born in under 2 hours, start to finish.

YANBU.

x posts with working9while5 (are you from Sheffield, btw - haven't heard 9 'while' 5 for a long time now!)

YANBU. I am really surprised how some of these woman are reacting to you and your post. My goodness women can be bitchy!! Good grief. Good luck with your labor...and please ignore all these negative posts:-)

I don't think it's about 'getting a grip'! All very reasonable demands of your DP if you have one. I personally think it shows profound weakness not to have any expectations of your partner at such an important time in your life. In 2010 the reverse is true, in fact 'get a grip', if you don't have any expectations of your DP with regards to this as you're probably a bit of a 'door mat'

Yes lots of ahrsh comments, like the ones about not needing Dh for the birth- er she ahs other kids, she could well depend on him for childcare (I did, no otehr family for miles).

VT- yes, if it's to 'prove' it; no if it's his way of saying 'Sorry love, crap overran but I'll call you back later and we can rejig this evening'.

OP a code, yes. That's what you need. Maybe even a cheapo PAYG mobi;e he can have on all the time but only gets called if it's labour / urgent?

DH is often unreachable, and we have SN kids so it can be urgent. Whenever Ic all I let it ring 2 times then he calls back ASAP- that works, but the one time it was RTOO urgent for that (my dad rushed into hospital, needed to get down tehre and couldn;t take kids) I rang his Manager who sorted it: is thee another partner who woudl be there you could ring perhaps?

onlywantsone I was not missing the point, as I have posted several times up thread.

I rather think you missed the point. She was not serious about a roasting and she was not in some random strop because he wouldn't call back. The post explained that he had done the same once before already, she was concerned enough to work out a strategy with him, which he agreed to, involving answering his phone and keeping it on him at meetings. Who knows what the details were, perhaps he offered to answer the mobile but not speak thereby letting her know he was in a meeting.

The detail doesn't matter to us, the point is he made an aggreement after last week and already Friday he broke it. She has two other kids and maybe it is important to arrange help.

How she chooses to birth is not the point but I was making the point that posters banging on about being big brave girls are not relevent, it is not their thread. I know my dh wanted to be with me, and i wanted him there, and given what happened to me in hospital i am 100% glad he was there. Jobs are not life and death, birth can be both of those.

Quite, PL.

Some people DO want their DH- I rejigged my entire birth for ds4 to a HB with Doula just so he could be there (no childcare available to us under an hour away) (Doula was in case I needed to go into hospital, or he was stuck at work and unreachable, used to drive a lot- better alive and late than answering a phone on the motorway and dead)

But I knew I would cope best with Dh there and didn't care what anyone told me about I would cope alone- didn;t want to, Dh didn't want me to, and tbh as OP has otehr kids then she should know what she needs by now and what will amke her feel safe, not be told to abse her decisions on teh birth plan of someone she never met ffs.