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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

38 wks pregnant and DH not returning phone calls ?

95 replies

batsforlashes · 19/11/2010 18:35

Called DH 1.5 hours ago and he still has not rung back. I am 38 weeks pregnant and he is not down a mining shaft- works in an office.

Does he deserve a roasting ?

OP posts:

OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 20:21

batsforlashes I too am 38 weeks PG, and my DP is too a lawyer... I can clearly tell you woman - get a grip.

Yes it is annoying, but why cause an argument. He will know you have phoned when he looks at his phone and if he is able he will call you back.

One would make the educated assumption that if you were in labour you would call his direct line or repeatedly phone his mobile until he answered - or you could leave him a message.

mrsmindcontrol · 19/11/2010 20:27

Oooh, this happened to me with DS2. Needed to get hold of DH while he was at work when I was 38wks to ask him to pick up DS1 from nursery as I was waiting at home for a delivery that hadn't turned up. He didn't answer his phone the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th time so I got really angry thinking 'I could be in labour right now you TOSS POT'. I kept on ringing and ringing him. No response.

In the end I left to get DS1 and must have made 30 calls to DH all of which went unanswered. I swear that by the time he finally got home I was beyond rage. He swears to this day that his phone was within hearing range all day and that he's had no missed calls from me. Needless to say I did not believe him and continued to stew in my own rage all evening.

DS2 was born that night. Seems the rage kickstarted labour. Worst moment was having to approach him in the early hours to tell him my contractions had started. Not easy when you're not talking to someone.

Still makes me angry now!

perfumedlife · 19/11/2010 20:32

I really think some posters are being a bit harsh here.

He did it last week too, and then they made an agreement he would keep his phone on him at all times, and already he has broke the agreement. So if it were me, I would now be worrying that he could indeed do the same when i went into labour. And as it is baby3, I presume you do need his help on the day.

It's just a bit disrespectful, and having a third child is important, more so perhaps than bloody boring meetings that we all know could be done in half the time.

2rebecca · 19/11/2010 20:35

If my husband really needed me at work I'd expect him to phone my work, not my mobile as my mobile is usually on silent whilst I'm at work and sometimes turned off. If I'm at work I'm working.
I don't get these couples who continually hssle each other on their mobiles when they are supposed to be working.
The guy is doing a job. If it was an emergency you wouldn't be on mumsnet.
People coped before mobile phones and I think some people are too reliant on them. If in labour I'd ring the office and leave a message there, leave a message on mobile and call a taxi or ambulance and leave a note in the house if the first 2 don't get through.
In some jobs people can't just drop everything and come.

perfumedlife · 19/11/2010 20:38

Oh dear, dear. Is no one reading the op's post? She has already said the receptionist will be gone by now. How can she ring and leave a message?

I don't think people generally do constantly call partners at work, I know I don't. But today is not an emergency, last week was not and he still didn't answer. Which would make her worry that next week might be an emergency and he still wont answer.

No one needs extra stress at that stage.

cerealqueen · 19/11/2010 20:43

You could always text him too, it may be that he can't take a call but could text, or at least read text and be able to respond if its urgent?
Some of the comments are a bit harsh, IMHO, pregnancy affects us all different ways. Hope all goes well, and that if you have to call him for the real thing, he answers the phone!

Bearsinthenight · 19/11/2010 20:45

I also think some are being harsh!

There are two scenarios. OP's DH has not got phone with him in which case he's messed up, or OP's DH has seen that his DW has phoned but decided not to contact her, not a brief "Hi, everything ok?" by text, nothing, in which case he's messed up. Either way he's messed up!

No, the OP doesn't need to make an enormous deal of it (tempting though it is in a fury) especially if it's likely to lead to a row (which it probably would here in the Bears household ) but where is the solidarity, sisters? She could drop any minute, of course she's on edge. No, pregancy isn't an illness but it is a medical condition and one that her DH has a vested interest in, so he should be on the end of the phone at all times (or at least within 15 minutes) by 38 weeks, IMO.

The baby could have been born by now for all he knows!

It wasn't 10 mins ago it was an hour and a half ago, of course she's bloody annoyed.

mumbar · 19/11/2010 20:50

YANBU, at 38 weeks I rang Ex-p 25 times one evening as was in real pain, had no water as lived abroad and place where it needed to be bought. He was playing football (he had been due home as work had finished) I told him that Ds could be born any time from then please don't do it again - 5 days later he didn't answer when I had contractions and his friend had to take me to hospital. It was a false start but the roasting his mate gave him he answered in 1 ring after that

TheProfiteroleThief · 19/11/2010 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 19/11/2010 20:59

yanbu, i think it's important that you are able to contact him

he sounds just like my dp. his mobile is a work one... it is supposed to be for clients to ring him on. yet, does he answer it? never. pisses me right off

Scarabeetle · 19/11/2010 21:03

How about you don't answer the phone when he finally does return your call & we'll see how he likes it.

I'm with you OP.

MadameCastafiore · 19/11/2010 21:06

Text him - contractions 2 minutes apart - think am in labour!!

Then give it 10 and text again - Actually did a big parp so must have been wind!!

Bluegrass · 19/11/2010 21:07

1: mobile phones are in many ways the work of the devil. Things may quite legitimately prevent phones being answered. This is life.
2: do not go searching for reasons to be pissed off. That way madness lies.

imgonnaliveforever · 19/11/2010 21:16

I'd say yanbu. I think sometimes the men need it drumming into them that the baby could come any time.

The method we decided on was this:
If it was urgent use the mobile, if not use the land line. That way DH knew from the number that came up. If it was mobile then he would either answer or call back.

That was the theory anyway.

thesecondcoming · 19/11/2010 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2rebecca · 19/11/2010 22:26

How many "tests" is this poor bloke going to get?
If she'd left a message saying "please call back I'm in labour and going in" I'd have some sympathy, but only if he didn't have a good reason and she was really in labour. This idea of people with jobs getting test calls every few days seems totally barking to me.
Why do you want to pick a fight over a non event.
Yes the OP could be in labour but she isn't. She just sounds a bit bored and emotional, and resenting the fact that some of her husband's life doesn't revolve around her pregnancy.

AphraBen · 19/11/2010 22:44

I don't know why OP is getting so much flack either. For god's sake she is clearly THIRTY EIGHT weeks pregnant and probably tired and could be anxious. She's not said or done anything unreasonable, she's just worried.

Some of you are so smug and rude and aggressive.

thesecondcoming · 19/11/2010 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucaSecondFloor · 19/11/2010 23:48

yeh, yeh thesecondcoming and the next poster said

"classydiva

you are a saint who has huge big bollocks

well done you"

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 20/11/2010 00:00

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect him to call you back quickly when your 38 weeks pg. I had a similar discussion with my DH when I was around 37 weeks. Agree with those who said you need a system - such as he has phone on vibrate and you call twice in an emergency.

Original poster

batsforlashes · 20/11/2010 00:41

So just to update. He called two hours later from my first call- he had gone into a meeting and left his phone in his office. The receptionist had left the building and he was basically incommunicado for no reason other than once again he forgot to bring his phone with him to the meeting so I could have left numerous messages and it would have made no difference. It would have taken 30 seconds to run out and get the phone if it crossed his mind.

That is the only issue here- he was not too busy to call back, not in a place where phones are not allowed. It was not a test call - but it did turn into one

He only has to remember to have the phone with him in these last couple of weeks- the one and only job he has had in the whole pregnancy.

There was no drama or row - just that I could do with out having to remind him him that the baby could come anytime now ( two previous were early) and actually I would want him home at the first sign of action.

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 20/11/2010 00:49

Get colleagues' numbers too - just in case!

perfumedlife · 20/11/2010 10:23

I would be teed of too, third babies can come early and fast. It's not asking a lot

Glad you didn't row. Lots of luck foor the birth

thesecondcoming · 20/11/2010 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife · 20/11/2010 10:26

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