to think social services are being unfair about the 'race' issue

[lollypoplady]

DD is 5 yrs old. She is half white British and half Brazilian (her biological father's father is ethnically Japanese and his mother is ethinically half American Indian half Portuguese). DH has been her dad since she was 6 months old, her biological father & his family have no interest in her. We have 2 more DC's and DH is applying to adopt DD (DH is white British/Irish). The social worker compliling our case has said that the courts may not think the adoption is appropriate as it will cut her off from her racial heritage and DH isn't equipt to teach her about her race I am pretty shocked and upset by this and feel it is actually verging on racism.

that's beyond ridiculous

i hope you get someone with an ounce of sense and it all goes through with no problems

presumably you would then have to divorce your husband and marry someone with the correct heritage to adopt your daughter?? madness

that sounds ridiculous but hopefully given the press reports last week about how they should not be putting so much emphasis on race in adoption cases you should be ok. Also, its not as though you are both adopting her from care. She is YOUR daughter and he is your partner, who else are they thinking might be her dad? Best of luck

SS are being silly aren't they.

YANBU

YANBU how ridiculous

The social worker is talking out of their arse. That issue can only make a difference if the adoption was of a child not known to either party -ridiculous scaremongering.

Arggh it makes me so angry . She is British, was born here in the UK (in same room as her brothers!) speaks English and has British parents (me and DH). They are trying to set her apart because of her ethnic origins, which have no real relation to anything except for the way she looks (which isn't vastly different to me or her brothers anyway)

So if you want her to have a legal father you have to find someone with that (rather wonderful!) ethnic mix?

Not suprised you're upset but the social worker is surely bonkers. She deserves a

what about Angelina Jolie or Madonna - got permission to actually steal a child!

What SS said seems ridiculous to me!

plus you wouldn't be better able to teach her if he doesn't adopt her! bonkers!

needafootmassage Absolutely, when she developes and interest in her ethnic heritage we will do everything we can to help her, as well as teaching her about her Scottish & Irish heritage from me and DH.

Sorry that last post didn't flow well, yes we will help her learn about her ethnic heritages, all of them!

WTF?

The poor man and your poor DD. I'm particularly shocked as I wasn't aware that SS involvement was necessary for someone to adopt their spouse's child whilst that spouse is living and in agreement with the idea.

Bloody nanny state...!

Crazy. That is totally ridiculous!!!

But the sw hasn't said that your dh can't adopt the child has she? she's said that sometimes the courts take this view in light of racial difference. And she may well be right, in which case it is the courts that are at fault, not the sw for warning you of the potential outcome..

I am white scottish. OH is white welsh. We have adopted a child who is 100% asian. SS were completely opposed to this. We fought them all the way and won!

We ensure our LO has regular visits to his birth family and we celebrate important Asian festivals, including attending the Temple. We eat Asian foods once a month and he has a variety of clothing, shoes and artifacts relating to his cultural heritage.

Cultral background is very important. However the paramount importance for any child of any culture is that he or she is (and feels) loved unconditionally.

SS sometimes cannot see the woods for the trees - But they are very often proved wrong in a Court of Law. Go for it!

wannaBe she hasn't said it's not possible, she did say the courts would look at it this way and social servies also take this factor into account while compiling their file on us.

Vallhala yep, they are also making DH have a medical exam & psychological assesment

Why does he have to adopt her anyway ? My daughter became DH's daughter the day we married, she is considered legally his and he has parental responsibility as well as liability.

mamatomany We went to court when she was 2 so DH could get parental responsibility for her, which was granted straight away. This means me, DH and her biological father all share parental responsibility but DH isn't her legal father. We are married but he isn't her legal father until he formally adopts her, or so we have been told by solicitors & social servies.

Why do you want him to be her legal father ? It seems a hell of a lot of stress to go through when nothing will change as a result of the adoption.
If he has parental responsibility and you die (sorry) he will still get custody. I just don't see what there is to gain from jumping through all those hoops ?

It's incredibly silly, but I would be amazed if the adoption was stopped for that reason.

It means if I die there won't need to be a court case to decide were she lives (even though it would get granted to DH, her biological father could always contest it and cause problems - he is not a nice man) it also means we can change her name so she has the same name as the rest of the family and we can go to live/work in Australia for a year, something we hope to do in the future. Legalities aside, the main reason we want to do it is because we see it as a sign of commitment between DH and DD, it feels the natural step for us to take.

We changed DD's name by deedpoll. I see what you mean about the court case but goodness you're braver than me.