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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I never ever have to be nice to the OW?

47 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 12:50

Well... I dont think that AIBU

Why should I?

Yes my ex was a cheating lying twat, but I dont have to be nice to the OW 3 years on do i?

I dont have to have a relationship with her for any reason, except I keep being told by my ex that I should be nice to his partner...

when I have 0 to do with her, whats the fucking point?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 12:53

Your ex telling you that you should be nice to the woman he was fucking when you were together is just laughable - I hope you have told him so, in no uncertain terms.

However, if there are children involved then I would do what was best for my children and if this means being 'nice' to her, then so be it.

If you have nothing to do with her, in what situation is he asking you to be nice to her?

ZZZenAgain · 19/11/2010 12:54

it is entirely up to you. Who cares what he wants?

ZZZenAgain · 19/11/2010 12:55

if you have nothing to do with her, how can he say that you are or are not being nice to her anyway? What are you supposed to do? Start inviting her round for coffee?

LaWeaselMys · 19/11/2010 12:55

If you are sharing custody of DC then it's best to be civil.

But TBH, can't see why you have to speak to her at all. I wouldn't!

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 12:56

my DD barely sees him, and has no relationship at all with her or her kids, but apparently, according to my EX I should be nice... I dont understand WTF he means?

cunt

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 12:56

Im just ranting btw... im hugely PG and tired and fucked off and ranting raggggg

OP posts:
mumof4sons · 19/11/2010 12:56

I will never be nice to Ex's whore. A 100 years could pass and it won't happen.

theevildead2 · 19/11/2010 12:56

Did she know you were together?

I'd be polite in front of the kids.
Scowl when they turn away.

Or due the adult thing and invite her round for a coffee and then spit in it

RJRabbit · 19/11/2010 12:57

I was walking past a shop the other day and saw a greeting card with "Keep Calm and Fuck Off" on the front. I laughed inwardly then wondered under what circumstances someone would send that. This would be one of those circumstances.

ZZZenAgain · 19/11/2010 12:57

was she nice to you? LEt's see, err no, she was bonking your husband behind your back. she doesn't see your dd or you so why the heck should you be nice to her?

should you be sending her birthday cards or what is he on about? Has he specified how this niceness is supposed to express itself?

QuickLookBusy · 19/11/2010 12:58

Agree with Chipping, if there are children involved, for their sake you should be "nice" to her. It they know you really hate her, then they have to go and spend time with her, it will really mess your children up emotionally. I know cos my parents divorced. Its very difficult being a child between 2 women who cant say a civil word to each other.

fedupofnamechanging · 19/11/2010 12:58

If your ex cheated on you with her then I don't think you owe her a thing.

Most of your anger should be for your ex though, because he is the one who made a committment to you and then cheated. The OW promised you nothing, and therefore owed you nothing.

Still, the fact that she had sex with someone elses partner does not reflect well on her and if you don't wish to be nice then that is your prerogative.

I would avoid badmouthing her in front of your DC though (if you have them). Simply because it will be upsetting for them to witness tension between you and your ex.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 13:04

she is never mentioned, DD doesnt even know who she is, thats why I dont understand

X's email reads

and could you please, see it in your heart to be kind to * as this would help me alot. Cheers

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 19/11/2010 13:05

I don't understand him either OWO, he sounds like a total idiot. My guess is since you are pregnant (presumably from another man?), he is somehow jealous and he is compensating for it by rubbing your nose in his OW set-up there. It makes no sense when she never sees you or dd and dh rarely sees dd at all. It is a non-existant problem and he wants to see if he still has the power to hurt/affect you. That's my guess.

Enjoy your pregnancy and just burst out laughing next time he says something like that.

theevildead2 · 19/11/2010 13:07

as this would help me alot

Yeah, I think a fuck off is in order.

jumpingbeans · 19/11/2010 13:09

NO you don't, this is the one time you can be downright arsey towards someone for no reason other than you want to, and not many would disagree with you.

Silver1 · 19/11/2010 13:10

Perhaps he is about to propose and needs you on side to introduce her to DDs life?

Being angry takes a lot more energy than being proud of yourself for rising above what they did to you. That said being angry is more natural SO YANBU- but you might find life a bit easier yourself if you could let it go a bit.

Gissabreak · 19/11/2010 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cobbledtogether · 19/11/2010 13:12

Civil, maybe. Nice is pushing it.

UnquietDad · 19/11/2010 13:17

It's always best to be civil. Moral high ground and all that. After all, he is your EX now so where is the emotional investment?

On the other hand, he does deserve a "fuck off" if he really has written "alot" like that as one word :)

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:20

OnlyWantsOne - but where is it coming from? If you and DD don't see her, DD doesn't even know who she is etc - in what way are you currently not being nice to her?

I'm very confused.

jonicomelately · 19/11/2010 13:22

Grammar is REALLY important to you isn't it Unquietdad.

Original poster
OnlyWantsOne · 19/11/2010 13:23

chippingin I am too most confused... pffft

i can be civil, Im civil to X... but be nice is pushing it

OP posts:
Gissabreak · 19/11/2010 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingIn · 19/11/2010 13:27

If you have '0' to do with her - when/how are you being nice/civil/not nice to her though.

Why doesn't DD know who she is. Surely as you are pregnant to someone else, this other woman has been around for quite some time now. I know she doesn't see her Dad much, but why is her existence now such a big secret?