to think that I never ever have to be nice to the OW?

[OnlyWantsOne]

Well... I dont think that AIBU

Why should I?

Yes my ex was a cheating lying twat, but I dont have to be nice to the OW 3 years on do i?

I dont have to have a relationship with her for any reason, except I keep being told by my ex that I should be nice to his partner...

when I have 0 to do with her, whats the fucking point?

Riiiight .... you must be feeling dead chuffed you're not with your ex anymore! How bloody rude, why should you 'help him out'?

Tell him it'd 'help you out' a treat if he took a running jump along with her. This is one of my real pet hates, people who cheat and then pretend that they're doing the decent thing by being friendly again, so you should ignore being hurt and do the same.

NO. YANBU.

Why do these sub-moral people think they have a right to anything except contempt?

Passive Civility will enable you to keep your moral high-ground, but at best it ought to only be barely disguised disgust.

"It'll really help me alot (sic)..." ???

1. Why would he be deserving of any help?

1. Why should YOU help THEM feel less guilty about ripping YOUR family apart...

1. Oh yeah, and when is THAT ever acceptable?

NO, OWO, you are never ever going to be ruled as being U on this score.

I see 2 reasons to be 'nice' to her (as much as it may grate with you:

1. for the kids. She may be with him for the rest of his days, and your kids will have a relationship with her whether you like it or not.

1. for your own sake - 3 years is a considerable amount of time since you split and you sound like you are still angry with your Ex, probably understandably. However to carry around anger and rage against him , and against a person you don't know (the OW) is not good for YOU in yourself. It can lead to bitterness - and you sounds as though you've moved on into another relationship? So what's the harm in letting it go?

However if you don't see her at all, they I can't see why it's even an issue. Sound like your Ex is a little paranoid perhaps? Or making something out of nothing?

When I was 12 I imagined my Dad's OW as a witch - we became best of friends. Roll on 8 years & we all were having Xmas's together - yes my Mum & the OW having a big family Xmas together rather than having the odd year with each of them. Roll on 30 years my Mum & the OW (now not with my Dad) actually shared a house together for 8 months - LOL!! They get on quite well & have lots in common - they BOTH think my Dad is a dork! Beggars belief really. Well I just told you that little ditty for a laugh if nothing else

Gissabreak your post made me snort my raspberry leaf tea out of my nose. HA.

I think you should send him this useful public service announcement about the alot. That is all.

help him a lot?!?

I suspect she is moaning to him about what a cow you are being and he doesn't want the grief.

You sound like you met your perfect match Gissabreak

OWO, I think we have an ex in common, mine always wants things to be civil and lovely and he wants to permenently reside in Happyland where he is happy and fuck everyone else. We don't share children though, we share a friendship group. The cunt unfeeling individual screwed some skank and continues to screw her despite her being a skank, and expects me to be nice because it would be better for him that way.

He can fuck right off. I'm happy to pass you details for Fuck-Off Land when I locate it, our exes can live unhappily ever after together.

And breathe!

[[http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S8TRIo4br3I/AAAAAAAACv4/Zh7_GcMlRKo/s1600/ALOT.png HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH]

snort

oh fuck

shit

I can't think of a polite, reasoned response to that email so I'll go with "fuck off". If H tried that with me I'd give him a right earful.

Mojo, I don't agree it is always best to 'let go'. It would be great if we could all actually do that, but mostly people say they've let go when they actually mean they've repressed the hurt, or they've accepted the message that they're not important enough to merit decent treatment. Imo, it is perfectly healthy for the OP to say she still feels angry and hurt - she was badly treated, she should feel angry. It doesn't necessarily mean she'll be bitter about it, or that it will cause problems in other areas - it just shows she knows she is worth more than that.

Im not angry with her, or him really, I know he's a shit - all I want to do is to make sure that my DD doesnt suffer because he's a complete tosser. Its got nothing to do with me what he does, or who with - it just puzzles me that he feels it acceptable to even mention her to me, when he doesnt even enquire re DD's health etc and why the fuck does he think I should / need to be nice to his current slag partner.

Surely you've got your split infinitives to keep you occupied Gissabreak

No you don't have to be nice. You will look slightly childish if you are constantly rude, but it doesn't sound like you are. But I am confused as to when you actually ever see her, if she's not involved in you/your daughter's life at all? Do you all live in a really small town or something?

I think it's quite important to realise that your DD, if they ever become involved in her life, may actually like the OW and to accept that. I like my stepmother OK and it did bother/confuse me when I felt like I wasn't 'allowed' to.

As long as DC don't see or hear you being rude or passive agressive YANBU. If however you trade insults/dirty looks really blatantly you should rein it in. But not for sake of OW or ex, for your DC. Whenever my mum and dad fought about something on visit days when I was little it ruined the whole day for me and my sister. My dad cheated on my mum and buggered off with OW.

Your ex should just be grateful if you're civil imo.

YA most definitely NBU

Why not just ask him what you said below : why does he feel it us acceptable to even mention her to you? And: didn't he mean to enquire after his dd's health instead? And if he cannot be bothered to see his own dd more than "rarely", you know what? To heck with the idiot.

I agree with you. There was a post on MN recently from some woman whose husband was married to somebody else when they got married. She'd apologised and she wasn't a bad person and nwo she was basically getting angry that the first wife wouldn't just accept her apology with a gracious smile and a shrug. Replies varied but my thoughts were, deal with it. Reap what you sow. and DURRRRR.

Carry on being civil but with a shimmery frost for the next 35 years, why go further?? What would it achieve? It'd make them feel better, and it'd make you feel like a door mat.

ooh I like that : the shimmery frost