To change my name back to maiden name?

[Folicacid]

An other post on here has inspired me to my very first AIBU post.

I got married 14 months ago. I had planned never to change my name, then I swithered, then I agonised.

I insisted we were not called Mr and Mrs FolicAcid at any point in ceremony or reception on our wedding day.

Then about 9 months into marriage I suddenly thought- i want to have the same name as my kids ( as yet unborn and unconceived!)and I marched into the bank in lunch hour and changed my name.

Now I regret it. Should I change it back and risk hurting DH or leave it and get used to it.

I have my maiden name for work and it is the name I am called by most often so my married name seems to be for the bank and nectar, boots cards only. I haven't changed passport or driving licence.

My married name just isn't me.

AIBU to change my name back, or should I just suck it up?

You should have what ever name you want to have.

Why not keep your maiden name for work and have your married name for personal?

Go with what "feels" right.

But it does take a while to get used to a new name.

How long does it take do you think? Maybe I can't get used to it as I am Ms maiden name at work?

YANBU, I thought of changing my name back, however I do like having the same surname as DS. If it's just the bank and boots then I would say you haven't really changed your name anyway!

haha Sausage lover, what made you not change your name back in the end?

it's basically all the bills and silly cards like boots, but not the biggies like passport etc!

Caveat: I never considered changing my name when I got married, so am prejudiced.

I think you need to be sensitive to your DH's feelings, my DH always knew a name change was not on the cards, so that was the deal. Your DH seemingly knew it wasn't on the cards originally, then you did it, now you want to un-do it, why is that? Is it him? Is something wrong? (I assume it isn't, but he could well ask himself those questions).

You are quite entitled to do it, but it would be courteous to do it in a way that takes your DH's feelings into account.

It took me 5 years to change my name after I got married. Sometimes I wistfully think of my maiden name but DH would be gutted if I did that now.

Have whatever name you feel happy with :)

H and I didn't change our names at the wedding. However, a year (or so) down the line with kids on the horizen we decided to go from Ms X and Mr Y to both being X-Y, as in Ms X-Y and Mr X-Y. Our children have the same.

We're quite luck in that neither of us have double barrelled names originally, or ones that don't go together, but if we had then we might have just flipped a coin Or picked a new name. Or gone for a mish mash of the two. We did think of one that was rather nice and very unique, and sounded perfectly acceptable. Think of: Jones and Thorpe into Thones. That sort of thing. but ours would have been nicer

Anyway, point is - go with whatever you are comfortable with, and you should chat with your H to see if he has any ideas too! Perhaps he would change his name to yours :)

It's nothing to do with the marriage, I don't want to distance myself from him at all. We are happy and secure in relationship.

I know he supported my decision not to change name but preferred me to. ( when pushed)

Now, I just don't feel it is me as I am ms maiden name, but yet post comes into Mrs married name. I don't connect the two.

I changed my name during my first marriage but never really felt right with it. My name's my name - it defines me as a person, not me as a wife. I feel quite proprietorial about my name.

Anyway - second marriage, I've stayed as Hassled MaidenName. DH knows it bears no relation to how happy I am to be married to him. It's never been a problem with the kids, etc.

I'm sure your DH would understand. No one's suggesting he should give up his name, are they? It doesn't have to hurt him - he might need a bit of reassurance that it's no reflection on the state of your marriage, but he should be able to see things from your POV.

I use both and have done for 10 years. Drivers licence in one, passport in another, credit card in one, laser card in another etc etc. Sometimes I stick both together.

Its not set in stone, relax about it!

If I was you I would either change my name back for or change everything to your new name. Must be difficult to get used to the new name when you're still using the old name as well and it could cause confusion at some point being known by 2 names.
I took my husband's name cos I liked it better than mine - also my husband has the same first name as my grandad so there would have been 2 people with the same name in the family had he took my last name.

I am quite sure there is nothing amiss in your marriage, but, having made the change, it's reasonable to assume he could assume a change meant more than it did without reassurance.

For me sharing a surname with ds has never been an issue - my mum remarried when I was 7 so I haven't shared a surname with her for 31 years. For me it means nothing but I fully accept that for other people it is very important, both views are entirely valid. You have to select which one is right for you. My ds knows my surname is different from his, he's not yet old enough to ask why (he's 5) but I'm sure he will.

I get letters in all combos of Mr Trib, Mrs DH, Mr and Mrs Trib-DH etc, btw. My grandmother is like "I just can't work out what your name is now" - erm, it's the one I have had for all of the last 38 years, what is complicated? I know several women at work who successfully maintain two names, one for work and one for home. Talk to your DH and decide which option is right for you, right now. I do wonder if one of my work-home friends might decide to make the home name permanent when she comes back from maternity leave, a good break and time to do that, IMHO.

I got married last december and have only just stopped accidentally signing my maiden name!

We got married because I couldn't bear having a different name to ds, dh wanted to wait so ds could enjoy the day with us. I won! Plus I didn't want the pressure of losing weight, and the morning sickness meant I had no bingo wings so the photos are lovely :-)

my aunt said that she doesn't see herself as Mrs DH'Sname, thats her MIL not her!

My MIL is divorced so isn't MrsViper anymore, so I think that helps me.

I prefer my married name, but it still took over a year to get used to not using my maiden name. i still have my driving licence in maiden name as I rather lazily haven't got round to changing that (but have done everything else!).

I work with a lot of woman who'd established their careers before getting married so have maiden name for work, married name for personal stuff. It's very common now to use one for work, one for home.

You say you want to have the same name as your DC. Why do you assume that your DC must be given your DHs name? You could give them your last name if you want. Men don't have a god given right to give their children their own last name.

I am double barrelled (no hyphen), and though it's a nightmare, I like that compromise a whole bunch. Not everyone's cup of tea, but it works for me. My surname is actually a girls' first name, so my daughter is also double barrelled, but my son isn't...I kind of like the idea of carrying a name down the maternal line for a change!

I use DH's name for family stuff, school related things and it is now the name on my passport.

I use maiden name for work and things specifically related to my pre-married life. It is nice holding on to who you are and it is also nice to share the names of your DH & children so that when you travel together or whatever you are Family FolicAcid IFSWIM

Thanks for all the advice guys. Based on what you are all saying, I think I am maybe over thinking it a bit.

I also feel a little embarrassed that I have changed my name. Can't quite put my finger on why.

Hmmmm.

I didn't change my name as I too found that Mrs dh-name sounded like my mil and it just didn't sound like me, I also thought my name with dh-name sounded horrible.

ds1 was born, lots of other stressy things happening and so had to go register his name eventually (the registry office had extended the deadlines as they were so busy it was impossible to book an appointment within the normal time limits). so just did it with dh's name without thinking about it.

second time around, had taken weeks to decide on ds2's first names and walking into the registry office I still wasn't happy. while we were there I suddenly thought about adding my surname into his name so that there was a link, dh refused on the basis that it was unfair to ds1 as he didn't have it. I don't really like ds2's second name, even burst into tears at the reg office when registering so the whole thing just seemed wrong.

If everything had been normal when I registered ds1 I would have thought of it and dh would have been there too to discuss it with if it had been last minute.

guess this is a long winded way of saying if you do keep your own name, make sure you stick it into your dc's names too - or if you don't you do this because you have actively decided not to, not because you forgot or got sidetracked!

Took me ages. I'd worked damn hard to get to where I was at work etc and I didn't see why I should hand over all those achievements to some strange woman (ie me with my husbands surname).

I kept all official documents in maiden name and used maiden name at work but was known as mrs husbands name at home, taking kids to docs etc.

Finally changed all over after about 8 years when took a new job and didn't want to risk kids school ringing for me and being told 'no one of that name here'.

Quite like the idea of totally new name for both.

My advice on these sort of threads is to go for one name or the other.

I kept maiden name for work (and still do) but having children started to complicate things. However the worst offenders are the banks who insist on only one name and photoID in that name etc. I was always never quite having the right ID. (I had various investments etc I had opened in my own name, but had stupidly opened a joint account with DH as Mrs DH... Also people would give cheques to Mrs DH which I found impossible to pay in, despite having been with my bank for 20 yrs...Computer says no culture.) ) In the end I gave up and changed everything except work to married name.

I resent having been forced into this but it makes life simpler.