to be narked with my friend for leaving me in a strange city alone?

[whitby]

Six/seven months ago a friend of mine, Neil, told me they were thinking about going to a european city - let's say Berlin - to see some shows by a band we both like. He asked if I'd like to come to.

He'd been going on about how amazing Berlin is for years and I've always wanted to go so I thought it would be a great idea; Neil knows the city well and I'd like to see the band in new surroundings.

Neil chose the hostel (I've never stayed in a hostel before and had doubts but it has good reviews). He had a strong preference for one near the venue, which is quite far out of the middle of the city - but near public transport links. He knows the area well and I have never been there so I was fine with him choosing this stuff.

I booked my flights some time ago, involving DH talking Friday and Monday off work (he was fine with this but it meant 2 fewer holiday days), to look after the DCs. Neil was off in a different european city following this same band and said he'd book his when he got back.

Last night I got a message saying Neil was really sorry but he was desperate to see this band in Zurich on the friday night and would it be okay if he met up with me in Berlin on Saturday evening instead.

We texted back and forth and he was very much saying that if I insisted he'd miss the Zurich gig but he really really wanted to go. I didn't want him sulking at me all weekend in a strange city so I said okay in the end.

I don't really mind being on my own; on the Saturday there's loads of museums etc I'd want to go to. But being on my own in Berlin on the friday night seems like such a waste - I don't want to go clubbing on my own really, especially not knowing how transport works or having anything other than guide book recommendations to go on. DH is annoyed because I paid above the odds to fly out on Fri afternoon (can't change the flights to sat morning ones, already checked), and he's missing a day at work to no benefit.

I can just see myself in this hostel on my own on friday night like a massive billy no mates. I have looked it up and the Christmas markets close around 9.30/10pm which is something, and I can wander around looking at stuff in the middle of town, but I don't want to get stranded or feel unsafe.

I am trying to think of this as an adventure but just feel totally left in the lurch. AIBU?

YANBU I'd be a bit cheesed off too.

I bet there are MNers in Berlin, maybe you could arrange a small short-notice meet up?

YANBU! How rude of him! what a bloody cheek.

YANBU but it may turn out to be the best adventure you've ever had

Well, it's really rude of him, but I found that actually Berlin was quite a good city to be on your own in. I went for work, and went out on my own in the evenings, and actually people were very nice. I got the impression that it's the sort of place where they get a lot of business travellers coming by, and so everyone accepted that there would be people eating etc on their own. I was staying in a city centre hotel and using public transport, but the areas I was in felt perfectly safe.

JinnyS I am sure it could be for someone with a different personality! Neil has said he'll tell me his favourite cocktail bars etc. I know he'd just go out all night and have a great time, but I don't speak the language very well or know the area (or the city), at all, and I think it is different going out alone as a woman alone than as a man alone - maybe I'm wrong? But I wouldn't feel comfortable and that's probably why it wouldn't be fun.

Fermina, it's not actually Berlin (vain attempt at disguising identity) - probably a bit short notice to arrange anything but I'll have a look!

Grendels, being way out in the sticks is something which is bothering me a bit. And in a hostel - it's supposed to be a good, friendly one but I've never done a hostel before.

I thought about booking a hotel in the centre for the fri night but it seems like loads of money to waste.

Your fried is really inconsiderate. I'd e pretty hacked off, to be honest.

On a brighter note, I also spent a few days alone in Berlin and it's a nice city to explore. If the weather isn't too grim, do a walking tour.

friend

Can you not find a reasonably priced city centre hotel on laterooms or something. Then you could do the Christmas Markets and go back to the hotel bar, or your room with a book and a few miniatures :) It may work out more cost effective than having a night on the lash at the cocktail bars as well

What band is it?

YANBU for being narked at him. Could you maybe find a nice restaurant (as suggested in the guidebook) near the hostel to go for a leisurely dinner with a book, and then get a taxi back to the hostel if you don't feel safe walking?

I've been to a few cities on my own, and it can be daunting (especially if this isn't what you've chosen), but can be nice as well.

My normal routine for the first evening in a city alone is as follows (may require private bathroom):

• nice long bath/shower
• get dressed, go somewhere nice (or if feeling lazy/able to, ordering room service) for dinner. Take along book/newspaper or just people watch
• go back to room for early night and sleep in as long as I want

Then the next morning go for a nice leisurely breakfast and potter about.

Change your name and start a MN post asking for locals and/or recommendations. You could make a new and less flaky friend!

But YAdefinitelyNBU.

If it IS somewhere in Germany you'd be fine to go out on your own, most German women do, they don't think it's at all odd to go into a pub.

Well all the Germans I work with are like this, I do accept not ALL of them do!

Who is the band?

JinnyS - a night on the lash isn't an option, I don't do that anyway really and especially not on my own in a strange city - Neil and I differ on that point. There are city-centre hotels for £70-£80ish but I don't really WANT to spend what is (to me), £££ because Neil is being a selfish moo. Neil has said he'll pay his half of the hostel for that night (big of him, eh), which is £25.

The hostel is easy to get to on public transport, if it wasn't I would probably just get a hotel elsewhere anyway.

The area around the hostel is apparently dodgy (Neil says it's fine, but the forums say different), but it's REALLY close to the station so I won't be walking around feeling unsafe.

Abs I have never had a restaurant meal alone, maybe I should give it a go.

On the continent, lots of cinemas show films in English with subtitles - maybe you could go to the cinema?

He's been a dick. I'd have made him cancel Zurich and come and meet me. You made plans. he should honour them. Do you have your own room in the hostel? I personally would hate having to spend time on my own in a strange place. And I don't think I'm an unadventurous wimp or anything.

RoxieP I could have made him do that but then the weekend would've been really grim; I think he really doesn't understand why I'd have a problem with it.

If it was him, he'd go out all night and have a great time, but he's really used to landing up in a new city, and he's a guy (which does make a difference). He also knows the area well, so I guess he can't imagine anyone being unsure or whatever because he 'knows' it's really friemdly/safe/fun/etc. He has been to lots of the places nearby often; his 'local' almost, but it's different for me (or it feels different anyway), since I never have.

I won't be going away with him again, for sure. We've gone on trips as part of larger groups before and always had a great time but I guess he's just not a considerate fellow-traveller.

Yeah, IME men don't really get how different it is for women travelling on their own. as a man, you can go pissing about on your own all night, without the (very real) fear of being attacked/raped. it's just not fair.

I was in NY on my own waiting for my friends and DP to arrive (my first ever trip to the states too) - I booked after them and it was cheaper to travel a day earlier.

I had a great time! Went shopping, went to places to eat that I knew they wouldnt want to go to, did exactly what I wanted all day and then saw a show in the evening!

I realise its different with the language thing but you'll find loads to do. Get on the Time Out website, it'll have loads of ideas.

Mammie, I'm glad you had a good time, but the language barrier is a really big deal to me - and you chose to be on your own whereas this has been forced on me. I'm just trying to get my head round it.

Here you go, hun. Im sure loads of these things will have you knackered by the evening anyway, so you could just retire to bed if you didnt fancy going out.

It does suck hes left you like this, but think of the positives

20 great things to do in Berlin

Mammie, as I said up there, it's the evening which is the issue. I've got stuff I can do for the daytimes. Thanks anyway.

I wish we knew what the band was