To not want to invite my mother in law for christmas this year because of money??

[frozenfeline]

It's all a bit of a long story, but in short.... My Dh and I have spent every year with her since we have been together.We have always got along really well, and DH adores her. Over the last few years she has borrowed money from us, and we had given her a credit card to use. All the money was supposed to be paid back at the begining of the year when her investment matured. We have waited months with various excuses as to why the money is not in yet. This week we kind of ambushed her asking for proof that the money exists. Turns out... She has been lying the whole time! My BIL wants to disown her. Dh and I are furious as we will have to sell our house to pay off the £20,000 debt she has run up in our name. I am still trying to help save some kind of relationship between her and my dh, because He loves her so much and for the sake of my children, but I don't think I want her here for christmas! AIBU?

Thanks all. Crazyplatelady made a very good point about it being the last christmas in my home because of her!! I don't think i'm a good enough person to not boil over if i have her here and that thought pops into my head on christmas day. I want the day to be special for the children! Maybe she needs to be alone to learn a bit of a lesson!?!

All this sounds a bit unlikely to me. I simply don't believe that you have to sell your house for want of this money. If you've lent her money 'over the years' where did you get it from? If you've given her a credit card, how were you making the repayments? How is it possible to give someone else a credit card without any form of security in the first place?

Even if this debt does exist, why can't you borrow an extra £20k on the house? And why can't you enforce the debt against your MIL?

Put simply, none of this adds up for me.

Well You may not believe it Quattrocento! I can hardly belive it myself!!We lent her money via loans and credit cards in our name, not really sure what you mean about having security in place? We just did her a favour, expecting her to get her payout! We were not originaly making the repayments, she was.I wouldn't be selling my house lightly!! Also if it were as simple as Just borrowing an extra 20k on the house then obviously that's what I would do!

So why not go to the police then, if you've been a victim of fraud which it sounds as if you have, shop her and you may not have to pay the loans back or at the very least you take that information into court when you are asking to pay back the banks £5 a week.
It may not be nice that the old woman gets a criminal record but lets face it she's old and you have your whole lives a head of you without the need for financial ruin.

I don't think I could ever forgive her. Sounds as though she has a serious mental health problem if she has stolen and spent all her mothers money as well, but that is not your problem and you are going to have to pay for it.

I'm no expert but I think legally you don't have much to go on (i could be wrong) but in my opinion this isn't something that can just be forgiven and forgotten. Even if you didn't have to sell you house because of this is would still be a huge financial loss to you.

How does your husband feel about it? I definately would NOT be having her over for Christmas! I would probably feel guilty about it though but how could you even look at her after what she has done! Is she ashamed?

Monkeyflippers, you are right. Legally we don't have a leg to stand on! I think she is ashamed, but I never thought she could do this to us, so what do I know!?!

Well you certainly aren't being very clear.

1. Have you asked her to take out a loan for the money?

1. Have you even asked your mortgage company about remortgaging?

1. Are you in negative equity? And if not, does your equity amount to less than £20k?

1. Who have you actually spoken to about this? I'm sure the potential repayments mean you can't afford the mortgage, but there are bound to be solutions since you own your own home.

1. Have you made enquiries about a consolidation loan? The interest on them isn't great but the monthly repayments are low so should buy you time

1. Have you spoken to the Citizens Advice Bureau?

I believe it. Very similar to our situation with ex BIL. He even sent exdh a doctored email wanting more money but I said to exdh let me look at that. I went through it thoroughly and noticed that the 'invoice' had 2 differnt type faces for the number 5. He'd obviously already had that cash...over 200k...and it'd gone, he'd just changed the date. Told ex not to lend him any more and turns out I was right. I couldn've got him for fraud. He ripped off loads of people and has had to move a few times.

They're so fucking cunning

I have let it go though .... honest

"How is it possible to give someone else a credit card without any form of security in the first place? "

Well, tbh, CC companies don´t give a damn, do they.

Whyt I don´t understand is surely OP & her husband saw the statements every month & could have put a stop on the CC when they wanted?

This is very true - when DH and I moved in together he added me to one of his credit cards. But I didn't get a bill, he did, with my transactions listed.

We were not originaly making the repayments, she was

So why isn't she now? I assume she knows you're prepared to sell your house so she's stopped paying?

Have you actually got any legal advice about this?

It's very hard to explain the whole thing. We were getting the credit card bills but had no reason to worry as she was covering the min payment and we were expecting a large sum of money in feb. We had no reason not to trust her! This happened over a few years. I have explored all other avenues other than selling my house, but it is our only option!

"she was covering the min payment and we were expecting a large sum of money in feb."

Well tbh I wouldn´t be happy with interest building up.

What was so urgent though that she couldn´t wait for her own money to come through & then spend?