To laugh in the face of husband who tells me I have to convert to catholicism

[brightongirldownunder]

...in order to get our daughter into the right school?!!
Just to explain a little more this is a man who has mocked his sister for converting her entire family in order for them to get into best school in area, a man that married me quite happily in a C of E church and then refused to allow the christening of our daughter because it was 'hypocritical'. Well I did have a bit of a laugh at his expense I suppose...

It's very sad to see how my sister in law and her family have absolutely no intention of being catholic after they finish school even though they have now converted. I feel sorry for those who are committed Catholics and see their churches filled with families twiddling their thumbs and yawning..
Ah well, such is life...

Apologies for bad spelling, grammar etc I'm using an iPhone and the keypad is surely only made for babies fingers!!

He might have got over it by the time he gets back. BTW we are practicing CoE, PCC, Treasurer, etc., etc.. I can still sympathise with people who I am sure only come for the schools, providing they do it early enough - they are doing their best for their children and actually some of them find their spirituality along the way.

However, it has to be a joint decision between the two of you.

Yes, but the same Catholics will not be so keen to arrange play-dates with the child of the non-catholic thumbtwiddlers..... Also, as the child does not know the other children from sunday school, mass, and festivals, the child will be a bit of an outsider. This does not create a good learning environment for the child!

So, what is preferable? A happy child that fits in and learns in a good environment? Or a child who may be classified as "failing to thrive in the school environment" simply because the parents wants said to have a good education but does not support the school, the faith and partake in the same?

It is a bit like that. We have attendance forms at the back of the church to sign for children between 2.5 and 4. Before mass there is a queue of people a mile long waiting to sign them. My brother and I do the teas and coffees after mass and the hall is pretty much empty of families, just the older people in the congregation because the families were racing the priest back down the aisle at the end so they can get away. It is sad to see people turn up, put in the required time and slope off home.

IMO a faith can be a great thing if you have it. If you don't then there is no point trying to fake it and tbh, the majority of people in this country manage perfectly well without and their children are educated perfectly well. Don't be guilt-tripped into doing something that doesn't sit right with you.

Exactly quint, I have a really happy little girl who has already had to move from one side of the world to another. She loves her preschool and I want her to follow this up by going to a school nearby with the friends she has made there.
Thanks for the feedback though, just needed to vent my spleen

Thanks rockbird...

brightongirl - I grew up in a family with one (genuine, very devout) Catholic parent and one atheist. I went to a Catholic school (both primary and secondary). It had a fantastic reputation.

In reality, however, it was not a good school. I failed to learn some very basic things. Sex education consisted of one biology lesson. Periods were never mentioned. I am an atheist now, but I can tell you an awful lot about Catholic theology. Not very useful. The maths teacher was useless and never tried to explain things properly to us. They traded on their reputation, but there was little to back it up.

I used to complain about the school all the time, and I still haven't forgiven my mother for refusing to consider another school. The way I see it, the Catholic element was more important to her than my education.

Are the other schools in your area really so bad? Don't convert unless you really believe. You might find that all is not as it seems in any case.

It would be so much better if all these daft parents devoted their energy into improving the other local schools (an active PTA/good parent governers etc can make a hell of a difference) rather than wasting it propping up a disgusting misogynistic cult that isn;t necessarily going to provide their DC with a decent education but has a 'good repuation' because by making parents jump through superstitous hoops they can control the intake and exclude the 'difficult' poor families and the ones where the child is not going to get much backup for learning from home.

'Yes, but the same Catholics will not be so keen to arrange play-dates with the child of the non-catholic thumbtwiddlers..... '

Really?

I hope that's not as unpleasant as it sounds.

YABU to laugh. I suppose I would listen to him, any parent in a school panic needs a friendly ear. What research into the local schools is he basing this fraud plan on?

I believe in evolution, I want my DD to learn to understand her body as early as possible so that she doesn't feel embarrassed about puberty. I want her to make her own decisions about her sexuality and spirituality. That is what I believe in and I do not judge others who prefer organised religion. I am always involved in preschool events and intend on involving myself in her schooling as much as possible. I feel I am a very responsible parent and don't deserve to be made to feel guilty for wanting my daughter to follow a route that I feel is moral.

OOh, are you not "downunder" any more? You'll have to namechange!

FWIW - I think he is being a complete arse.

My DH was brought up a Catholic - his Dad was staunch, and his mum sort of converted to please him when they married. Both boys were christened Catholic and they attended Mass every week and went to Catholic schools. Then the Dad died when they were in their late teens and not one of them has been near a Catholic church since - it was all for him.

I was brought up a Protestant - and although I rarely go to Church now I still have leanings in that direction, but I would not convert to Catholicism. We had our DS christened because I wanted it - but not Catholic because I was not going to lie to a priest and say I would bring him up as a Catholic. DH didn't even want him christened and only agreed to it because it would improve his chances of going to a possibly better school here in Australia. That was NOT the reason I wanted him christened.

Anyway - afaik, the church schools here, being mostly private, will take Catholics preferentially and christened children next over non-christened but don't require the parents to be practising Catholics. I wasn't aware that any Catholic school required both parents to be practising Catholics and think that your DH is being ridiculous. If he wants to uphold his Catholicism, that's fine - if he wants your DD to be brought up in the faith, that's fine - but there is no need for you to convert, IMO.

maktaitai the reality of it might be unpleasant, but the thumbtwiddling non-catholic who is never seen present at assemblies, at harvest festival, at Mass, etc, will hardly be on the forefront on the other parents mind, when deciding who to invite for tea!

Unless the child is specifically asked for by ones own offspring, these children are not really paid attention to! Why would they be? If the parent is never there and socialize and take part, it is not that easy to track them down and chase them to socialize with their children...

If you want evolution to be thought, an RC primary may not be for you. This is a conversation I had with a mum in my sons class at a coffee morning:

mum:"Tarquina told me this fantastic tale the other day about how we come from monkeys. Imagine! Whatever will be next?"
me: "Yes, I have also heard that, you dont believe it is true?"
mum "No way! As far as I am concerned, we were created by God, and that is where it ends. I am telling Tarquina to NOT believe all these fantastic stories we hear"

For the devout religious, science is a myth, like God is a myth to non-believers, and this is very important to bear in mind...

If you've already sorted out a primary school, and are definitly going to get into it, it's rather premature to say the least to be looking at secondary school now.

Schools change a LOT in 7 years. You might move, win the lottery. The local sink school may get in a super-head that turns it round. The local RC school may turn into hell on earth. You don't know - so leave it a while and start making plans in year 4 or 5.

To be fair I went to a catholic school and I was taught evolution (this was twentythirty years ago), my dd goes to a catholic school and she is taught evolution as well!! I'm in NI and you know how seriously we take our religion Even here both parents not need to be Catholics but child does need to be baptised and seriously signing in at mass don't know whether to be more impressed that there's a registar or that some have tea/coffee afterwards.

The RC school I worked in had an intake of about 50% RC and 50% other/non faiths. Friendship groups were a mix of RC and non-RC - there was no visible divide as Quintessential Shadows seems to be suggesting.

No-one had to convert to get in, although we did get a lot of people claiming to be RC in order to get a free bus pass (no baptism cert, no pass!)

If anyone asks I tell them I'm agnostic, my ex was christened CofE, my ds and dd are not christened at all.

When my dd started school she went to a CofE/URC school. After we moved she transfered to a school nearer to us which is RC. When it came time to choose a secondary school she wanted to go to a catholic secondary, that about half of her class mates were going to. I didn't hold out much hope, as they kept emphasising how over subscribed they were, and expected to be given a place at the second choice. As it happened she was given a place at the catholic school and was very happy there.

Full aggreement with this:

Schools change a LOT in 7 years. You might move, win the lottery. The local sink school may get in a super-head that turns it round. The local RC school may turn into hell on earth. You don't know - so leave it a while and start making plans in year 4 or 5.

10 years ago when I left school, one local secondary was derided and could only get kids excluded from other schools to go there. I am now a youth worker in the same area, and that same school is the best on the area.

Oh, and your DH sounds like he is being a total knobend and I'm not sure a divorce would be unreasonable... if he wants it, HE can convert.

Can't comment since I don't know what the situation is like at schools near where you are. Where I am 3 is way too late for the Catholic schools but the CofE is open to all and usually has spare places.
But I'm confused is dp Catholic? Is he in OZ and you both here? If no to the first why doesn't he convert if yes to the second maybe that will count against you. If yes to the first you usually only need one Catholic parent.

(Quint at out local Catholic primary school one of the non-Catholic boys is always top of most peoples guest list, someone has started a rumour that he is bright and many of the Mums want to look in his book bag )

lol!!!

H has been pushing it in general with me for a long time as some of you know. He was christened a catholic but as an adult has never set foot in a catholic church and didn't go to a catholic school. Both of us (i thought) firmly believe in the right to be accepted regardless of sexuality or religion and also believe contraception is something that needs discussion at an early age, along with explaining the reasons for the change in bodies following puberty. I was brought up by very open minded parents who taught us about sex whilst we were still at primary school. I really don't want to offend anyone on here but that is my opinion and I refuse to 'pretend' to be anything else. Plus I'm a really crap liar..

There is no need to get so hysterical about schooling. Honestly. It is such a strange obsession in this country. Your DH is being very silly. I'm sure your children will get on fine in a different school.

Fwiw: I tried to convert to Catholicism when I met my DH, purely because his family were desperate for for us to be married in a RC church and to have our (then, future) children baptised.

I say 'try' because I couldn't do it. I did a 'conversion course' with the parish's chief catechist and local priest, and I just thought (and I'm sorry if this offends) this is utter bollocks. I don't believe in it. Why would I bring up my kids to believe this? I couldn't envisage a life spent kissing up to the dreadful old priest, or sitting through hours and hours of people banging on about stuff I didn't believe in.

And that's the thing. If you don't believe in it, it is un-doable as a lifestyle unless you are willing to live as a complete and utter hypocrite, thinking one thing and telling your children, your neighbours, your community another.

Ah
however when you replied it got me thinking what was the question?

So no YANBU!

Oh and H flits between Oz and UK which is where we are now based. He has no intention of going to church and presumed that was my job!!! I'm expecting a baby in jan and had purposely sorted out DD's preschool and primary in order to focus on the new baby. They are both recommended and there are plenty of great schools around that aren't catholic. Like some of you have said it seems incredibly premature to convert to a religion for secondary school when she is only 3. Anything could happen..I may well
win the lotto and start up my own school!!!