To think this dad of DD's classmate is mental?

[MargueriteArgeneau]

And to want to tell them to fuck right off?

A few weeks ago, the father of one of her classmates found me at work (in the supermarket). He was extremely upset with me for wasting his time the two past Wednesdays. It seems his DD invited my DD to an evening church activity on Wednesdays and said "we can pick you up". DD never mentioned this to me none Wednesday evening we we're at home, and they sat ^in our empty driveway for half an hour. The next, I had a phone call from an unknown number which I did not answer, and no message was left. He was so angry that I had wasted his time coming all the way out to our house from town. I politely (because I was at work) told him DD never told me about it, and that it would be better to make these plans with the parents than to leave it up to the children as they don't know what evening plans the family may have.

I asked DD if she'd like to go, and took her to it myself last week. When we arrived, he was offended that I hadnt called him so that he could drive her. Its a two hour activity, and as I do not feel inclined to do the bible study during that time I left (as many parents do) saying to DD and this father "I will be back at 7pm to pick you up to go home".

When I got there to pick her up, DD, her friend and the dad were walking to his car and he acted all shocked saying "oh! I was going to bring her home". Was IBU to be angry that he was leaving with her? He was mightily offended that I grabbed her off him saying "I TOLD you I was picking her up!"

Then this afternoon he calls me saying "I just wanted to make sure your DD is coming tonight". I just told him no, Wednesday is a difficult day for us and if it works for us I will be bringing her and picking her up myself.

WTF is his problem, and why does he want her there so much? We don't even go to that fecking church!

He sounds bloody scary to me! Why is he so determined to drive off with your daughter, and why does he think he has a right to get angry when you stop him?

I'd not let your DD go to the evening activity again or spend time with weirdy dad, either. Highly suspicious behaviour. Why is he so desperate, to the point of ingnoring your express instructions, to be alone with your DD? And I say this as someone who is usually very relaxed!

I'm in full agreement with everyone else's advice and had every sympathy for you and much understanding of your concerns until I read of your irrational remark about the family owning a Pit Bull.

Weird. Strange and he is VERY unreasonable.

I would put as big a distance between you and him as possible.

Every parent knows to ignore children's social arrangements until the adults have actually spoken to each other.

If he is difficult to confront, a note stating clearly what you want would perhaps help.

The weirdo

I wonder if it's worth raising your concerns about the cult. DO any of your DD's other classmates attend this dodgy group? Basically it's worth exploring whether the problem is that the man is a loon, or whether the 'church' is seriously dodgy (and his looniness is because he is under pressure to draw more people into the cult).
How did the group react when you complained about them letting this man drive off with your DD? Were they apologetic but a bit useless eg 'it's not our job to police these things, we were busy, sorry'? Or did they express concern about 'Mr Nut who is a bit of a nutter'?
Or did you get a rather worrying attitude of 'Well we are all in the hands of Great Pumpkin and you have nothing to worry about, perhaps you should sit down and join us for a prayer meeting.'

Church goers are always extremely selfish although they will deny this vehemently

I wonder if this is all over-reacting?? I mean, I would probably be avoiding him too, after the accusations when you were at work and being annoyed that arrangements were made between 9 year olds that - surprise, surprise - didn't work out.

BUT, there are inferences on this thread that he's up to no good and that he seems desperate to drive off with your daughter. Sure it's nothing suspicious, just an over-zealous (and highly irritable which at most is an unpleasant personality trait) religious type. I'm sure I'll be flamed for generalising about religious type but believe me, I've great experience in the over-zealous ones!!!

Vallhala "until I read of your irrational remark about the family owning a Pit Bull."

Vallhala I love dogs, but I wouldn't let my DD play in a house with a pit bull. I don't let her play in the house of a neighbour who has a rottweiler, despite the fact that our family had three when I was growing up. This is more of a reflection on my DD than on the dogs; despite me drilling her since she was a toddler, she still crowds dogs - getting in their space, staring into their eyes, trying to hug them round the neck etc - just because she loves them so much. I wouldn't trust any dog not to feel threatened and snap under those circumstances, but the difference with a big, strong dog is that they can do so much more damage if they bite. Until I can trust my DD to treat dogs respectfully and interpret their body language, I don't want her unsupervised with a large dog.

OP... YANBU! He sounds very worrying indeed, and I wouldn't let him anywhere near your DD.

He sounds like a weirdo. Steer clear and do not eave your child in his care again.

Lol at OMG CULT!!!

OP surely alarm bells would have rung when he tried to get the code for your gates?

Sounds very weird - I would keep well away. Can you not find a similar activity at a Church nearer to you - and in the opposite direction to this very odd man?

Also, I wouldn't let my kid go to a house with a pit bull either. They may be adorable, but my dd is adorabler.

"Church goers are always extremely selfish although they will deny this vehemently"

Generalise much

Keep your dd away from him, I don't like the way he's trying to ingratiate himself into your life - and it's not your job to train him in social skills.

He sounds like a dangerous person, tbh. I wonder if he appears on any child protection registers? Something clearly wrong, he is desperate to get time alone and unsupervised with your daughter. I would be very wary and have nothing to do with him whatsoever. Tell the church, the school that he is under no cicrumstances to be alone with your child. I would even have a chat with the police, they will at least be able to check his background for relevant offences.

BigWelt
"Church goers are always extremely selfish although they will deny this vehemently"

I take BIG issues with this ridiculous statement. My Dads a vicar and one of the kindest most compassionate people you could meet. A lot of the people at our church do LOADS for others, as does my Auntie out in Africa.

You're talking out of your a**e.

This man sounds like he has no idea where boundaries lie, that he has anger management problems, and he has no idea how normal 9 year olds and their families behave.

I would stop my children from being associated with a family like this and deliberately find something infinitely more exciting and worthwhile to do on a Wednesday night for a bit that Bible study couldn't possibly compete with. Like taking the kids to a really great swimming pool and buying them tea there afterwards.

Plus if they really do have a pit bull then they are breaching the Dangerous Dogs Act so I might even make a little phone call.

And I am a churchgoer, by the way!

I would be VERY worried about this man. You told him directly you were picking DD upp and he STILL took her?? alarm bells for ODD!

Absolutely my first thought Brass

This screams cult to me - or at the very least some weirdo church-esque setup where members are pressured encouraged to recruit introduce others.

Did you notice any strange robes hanging up by any chance?

Seriously, this man has boundary issues and very bad manners. Avoid.

He is a nutjob. You might have to get quite aggressive in your manner to get him to take notice. Very strange behaviour from an adult, this desire to run off with someone else's child Personally, and I am a Baptist church goer, my DC would not be attending this group and certainly wouldn't be spending any time with Mr. Nutjob.

BoffinMum "Plus if they really do have a pit bull then they are breaching the Dangerous Dogs Act so I might even make a little phone call."

I got the impression the OP is in the US, where pit bulls are legal and popular.

BigWelt how offensive and ignorant you are.

Aaaaaaaahh, that would make sense of the rabid religious thing as well.

Different rules seem to apply over there. I thought she was talking about one of the big churches in Lambeth or something, but couldn't quite make sense of the country thing and gate in the light of that.

Even more important to get doing something more fun on a Wednesday night as there will be a lot more weirdos locally where he came from I imagine.

Before I get flamed I meant that this may be normal recruitment and child management practice in their church and this may be why his normal behaviour antennae aren't working properly.

Can I ask, and feel free not to answer..Is it Antioch? Had some odd dealings with them in the past! (NOT saying all people who attend are odd, not generalising etc, was just interested due to my personal experiences!)

Valhalla- lots of people, including myself, are uneasy around pit bulls and other dangerous breeds. This does not make them irrational.

OP- I'd be having a word with the local police to ask their advice and keep them informed.