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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my brother has been bailed out by my sister

34 replies

kokolp · 17/11/2010 15:38

I have in the past struggled to get by and have asked her for a loan which she has always refused saying that she isn't made of money. Today I've found out that my brother has managed to rack up several debts that my sister has paid off for him and she says she doesn't want him to repay her. The amount she has paid off for is far larger than anything I have ever asked to borrow. I know its her money and she can spend it how she likes but I feel quite upset about this.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 17/11/2010 15:39

Why would she do that, there must be a reason ?

CrazyPlateLady · 17/11/2010 15:43

Did you ask after she had given the money to him and she thought she was being taken advantage of?

Seems odd to me.

VinegarTits · 17/11/2010 15:43

maybe she didnt have the money at the time you asked for it,
maybe she isnt made of money,
maybe your db is in serious trouble and she felt like she couldnt say no

family and money loaning never a good mix

Original poster
kokolp · 17/11/2010 15:47

She says she did it because of the "worry" she could see on his face and that he's young and stupid

OP posts:
SummerRain · 17/11/2010 15:48

Did he ask?

If not then maybe she's the type of person who will do stuff like that as a gift when it's not expected but doen't like to be asked.... I have to admit i'm a bit like that too.

Original poster
kokolp · 17/11/2010 15:51

I assume he asked her

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 17/11/2010 15:53

Who told you?

It is hard to comment on something as queer as family relationships and what your sister's reasons were for giving your brother the money and refusing you a loan.

It is a bit her cash, her choice ... but if I was on the receiving end, I would also be a bit Hmm

needafootmassage · 17/11/2010 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
kokolp · 17/11/2010 15:54

My mum told me that she'd done it

OP posts:
pallette · 17/11/2010 16:02

YABU, its her money she can spend it how she wants. Maybe your brother and her are closer than you are, maybe she thought his need for the money was greater than yours.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/11/2010 16:03

I can understand that it probably feels like she loves him more? Is that what hurts? She didn't help you but she helped him = he matters more to her?

Because purely logically - her money, her choice. Nobody has a right to be bailed out, even if that same person is bailing out others.

But I think I would be hurt, not because I didn't get any money, but wondering why she wanted to help him but not me.

At the end of the day though, that's her choice and that's the end of it.

Being a petty person Blush I would not be helping her out in the future, if she came to me. I'd be saying "Go to X (the brother)"

Original poster
kokolp · 17/11/2010 16:10

It just grates with me that when I asked to borrow a smaller amount of money which I would have repaid very quickly she said no but when he gets himself into trouble she pays it off and doesn't even want repaying

OP posts:
princessparty · 17/11/2010 16:18

Your sister isn't your mother - she doesn't have to treat (or even love) her siblings equally.

popelle · 17/11/2010 16:18

YANBU I'd be a little bit hurt too. Is your brother the goldenboy of the family who can do no wrong.

popelle · 17/11/2010 16:20

Could her financial position have changed though. Maybe she didn't have the money when you asked her but she does now.

Original poster
kokolp · 17/11/2010 16:28

Her financial position won't have changed that much as the time period between my request and dbs was only 4 months and she's a GP.

My brother is something of the goldenboy of the family as he's the youngest and he did nearly die when he was 12.

OP posts:
ccpccp · 17/11/2010 16:37

You sister has a higher level of expectation for you than for your cantcontrolhis_finances brother.

She'll get wise to it when he next comes begging for money. She paid off his debts so he'll have learnt nothing.

Get a loan from the bank. As VinegarTits says - family and money loaning are never a good mix.

mamatomany · 17/11/2010 16:59

I agree with the others, i would rather pay 30% APR than borrow of some members of my family, you'd never hear the end of it.
If it's given willingly then fair enough if you've asked and been told no then thats that, adjust the Christmas present accordingly.

huddspur · 17/11/2010 17:11

It is her money but it doesn't seem right to me but I'd bail out any of my siblings if they got themselves into serious trouble.

lilyliz · 17/11/2010 17:14

agree with ccpccp,sis probably knows you can cope where as little baby bro probably useless.think yourself the better person.If you really wanted to know more about it be very calm and nice and say you were just wondering why HE keeps needing bailed out.

medetre · 17/11/2010 17:29

YABU- maybe she likes your brother more than you. Its her money she can spend it on who and what she likes.

lojolecs · 17/11/2010 17:51

medetre-thats a bit harsh

OP I think maybe you should delicately ask the question of your sister if its really bothering her.

medetre · 17/11/2010 17:54

lojolecs- why am I being harsh, her sister can spend her money on whatever she wishes and its not unusual to prefer some siblings to others.

MadamDeathstare · 17/11/2010 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vixel · 17/11/2010 18:13

YANBU- I'd be pretty upset too as she was clearly lying to you when she refused to loan the money to you. If she's a GP she probably has quite a lot of money particulary as she's just paid off her little brothers debts