OK, it's tomorrow night. The last time I went out for the evening was months ago and I took dd with me. Before that it was months too, and I had dd with me. Tomorrow I would be going out like a grown up, and dh would be staying in with dd.
I will cook bolognese tonight, and they can have it tomorrow too, so he doesn't have to worry about food - he'll probably get a take away though, then he won't have to worry about cooking the pasta.
DH is out every week from Thursday to Sunday and every other week he's out Wednesdays as well. He is a musician and this is his job, but it is a job which he loves, in which he is adored and glorified and given money too! On the Wednesdays and Thursdays he is running jam nights in two different pubs, which is much more sociable. Basically, he goes out, has fun and gets paid. That's how he describes it.
I stay at home, make sure dd is fed, does her homework and goes to bed at 9.30.
I was invited to this Pampered Chef party tomorrow night. It's not really my thing and I can't afford to buy anything, but the idea of going out and spending some time with grown ups, having a laugh, was just too tempting so I said yes, and I was really looking forward to it - a bright spark in my usually dull existence.
DH never gigs on Mondays or Tuesdays, except he might decide that he'd like a pint so pops out for a bit. He wasn't gigging last night, but popped out for a pint and a bit of a social.
Yesterday the daughter of the woman who's holding the party was round, and reminded me. DH suddenly said "Oh but I was going to go to a jam night at X on Tuesday" (he'd never mentioned it before). I said "well, I'm going to this party, though". He said we could get a sitter for dd who's 11. To be honest there are not many people around here who would do it at such short notice, and the two who would I'm not happy about leaving dd with them (they're bonkers in different ways: one told dd that she had opened a portal into the other world and let a malignant spirit in who was following her around; the other tends to get pissed, takes a lot of coke and has loads of similar people around her all the time).
I said to dh that he could go to the jam any week. He said he'd been putting it off for weeks and had decided to go this week. Well, anyway, it was left that I would go and he would stay at home.
Another friend of ours popped by this morning. He immediately asked her if she could babysit tomorrow. She can't. He then went on and on and on about how he'd wanted to go to this jam tomorrow, he'd been putting it off for weeks and really wanted to go tomorrow. In the end I feel so guilt-tripped at how inconvenient I am being that I am at the point of saying I'll stay at home.
But if I do, I will resent it. I will be angry with him. But right now, when I think of it, I am no longer looking forward to it because I know he'll be annoyed if I go and get all lugubrious on me and act hard done by.
Am I being unreasonable? I need someone to tell me whether he's being really selfish or I am.
Gosh, that's turned out long. Sorry!