neighbours complaining about dss being too noisy?

[sunberryhat]

We (me, dh, ds1 (8) and ds2 (6)) live next door to a couple in their 60s and his elderly mother, who have been complaining that we're too noisy. We moved in MArch. Apparently dss are stamping up and down the stairs and screaming in the bedrooms. To me it sounds like pretty normal play, probably fairly loud at times, but all fairly average for boys their age. I don't encourage boistrous play in the house, but I feel that kids should be able to express themselves, and that they don't have good volume control! I don't think they're any worse than their friends. We are always quiet in the evenings, boys quiet in their rooms after 7 and never up at weekends until at least 8am.

They even complained that dh slammed the door so loud this morning that he woke the old lady (at 8am ). They say we should realise we live next to old people, but I think they should realise that they live next to young people. The walls do seem very thin, and I'm aware of them moving around, I can hear the TV, hoover etc but I think live and let live.

AIBU?

sorry but banging doors and stamping feet at 8am on a saturday/sunday WOULD get my goat, and i'm a mum! at 8am on a weekday i can understand making a bit of noise getting ready though.

at weekends we have quiet time in this house until 11am ish (take the opportunity to have reading time most weekends) - that way WE get a lie in too. as well as neighbours.

i would feel annoyed if my neighbour started on his car repair work (he's very noisy) at 8 am on a saturday, kids aren't any different

maybe you could use it as an incentive to sort out some quiet time after getting up at the weekend? bath time, or time for homework/reading? H used to take ours for a walk on saturday morning to the park too :) that worked well, i used to have breakfast ready for when they got back.

YABU.... If you're the newcomers then you should respect that your existing neighbours are elderly and tone things down a bit. No, children cannot be totally silent but, in a semi or a terraced house, they have to modify their behaviour.

Hmm, I can see both sides tbh, we live next door to a family, on a Sat morning we like to have a little lie in due to being up at 6am most mornings for work - their Sat morning consists of the kids screaming/playing/running about slamming doors from about 7am, so no lie in...

Tho saying that, I've never actually complained to them, because although it's annoying, as you say, kids don't really have a volume control

kids don't really have a volume control

but isn't teaching kids how to respect others in their environment, and customising their routine (even learning to enjoy it! see my comments about Saturday mornings being reading time at our house)... part of bringing them up?

just like you teach them there is a right way and a wrong way to cross the road, an indoor voice and an outdoor voice.. there is/is not a lvel of noise that is acceptable in a terraced house at 8am on a saturday

I don't think it would hurt to encourage your boys to have a bit of respect for neighbours, who may not want the noise that you're happy to accept.

I have neighbours, and my dc all know that there are times when too much noise is not OK, but on the other hand, my neighbours are pretty good at understanding that at certain times, eg. summer playing in the garden, the volume will go up.

I totally get the stamping up and down the stairs thing. Our neighbours have two girls, about 12 and 14 and they sound like elephants stamping up the stairs. It's not necessary, and very simple to draw your child's attention to it. Since hearing it next door, I've made sure my 3 year old doesn't do it.

Apart from that, though, neighbours should expect some level of noise coming from a family with young children.

YABU.

If you know the walls are paper thin, you must adjust your family behaviour accordingly.

Clearly noise levels that you find acceptable are not acceptable to your neighbours, who were there first.

the door 'slam' (dh says he didn't realise he'd slammed, he'd just say closed) was this morning, monday, on his way to work.

When I say 8am at weekends, that's when we get up. They never start playing until after breakfast, usually 9am.

Neighbours had men cutting their hedge with petrol cutters at 8.30am this saturday.

The point is, I don't think they are being very noisy. They're not normally running about and being rowdy, mostly they're just playing in a pretty average way and talking in pretty normal voices. I think neighbours are being super-sensitive.

and they don't stamp on the stairs, they're just walking normally!

You said originally that it was 'normal play, pretty loud at times'.... If your neighbours are not used to living next door to children then maybe they are sensitive. But why be awkward?

well there's clearly a disconnect between what your neighbours think the level of noise is vs. how loud you think it is.

no one on here can know which of you is being unrealistic in expectations. but as a guide, i'd say that anything above what you'd expect at a parent and baby coffee morning at the kid's section of the local library is unacceptable. you know, some running, some talking, normal noises - but not squealing and stamping and shrieking. only you can judge whether that picture fits :)

have you not taught DSs the concept of Indoor Voices? If you can hear the neighbours moving around (and I assume they do so quite quietly, no swinging from the chandaliers)then imagine what you sound like to them.

"at the kid's section of the local library is unacceptable".... at 8am on a Saturday! i forgot to add that!

clearly at 5pm on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of summer at the garden we would all expect there to be shouting and squealing! :)

Do they wear slippers not shoes indoors? That makes a big difference to noise levels on stairs.

Note = might be a bit biased as I live next to a family who haven't got an Indoor Voice between them, Mum included.

The sound of my stairs goes through to next door even when we are walking normally on it. It sounds terribly thudding when I am next door, something to do with how the houses are made. Perhaps it is possible to pad the stairs in some way?

It's worth making some sort of effort even if it's just to show goodwill.

oooh I hate slamming doors too - one of my 'sounds of insanity'. I always think of the neighbours when one of our slams.

I thought the benefit of elderly neighbours is that they were more than likely partially deaf? (I've had my fair share of them over the years - lovely bonus & they always know if someone has been round during the day).

I think abit of noise during the day has to be expected - and your evenings clearly are quiet. So it must only really be mornings, weekends & school hols? Perhaps they are being U, or perhaps it's abit noiser than you realise? If you live next to kids you've got to expect some noise - some people do live extremely quietly though - but that is their problem really. Some houses have shockingly poor sound insulation.

TBH I think YANBU. Why do neighbours who live there first get priority? You should be able to do what you want in your own home (within reason)regardless of who lived there first.

According to OP the noise levels are not excessive and if this is true and they are happening during the day rather than the middle of the night then I don't see why this family should modify their behaviour at all.
Neighbours need to accept that part of the deal of living in a terraced/semi-d is you hear your neighbours and the noises they hear will vary depending on who lives there. You don't get to dictate to your neighbours how they behave even if they did have the audacicity to move in after you. If noises are within normal range then neighbours should suck it up or else get their walls insulated.

"Why do neighbours who live there first get priority?" Err... good neighbourliness? Good manners? Consideration for other people? You know, all those little concessions and social niceties that separate human beings from animals?

I have just written a whole YABU,re-read the OP and have had to rewrite a YANBU

If the boys are completely quiet after 7pm and there is no noise from your side until after 8am then the neighbours have nothing to complain about really. I take it you dont HE? So the house is relatively empty for most of the day?

In that case they do need to accept that for a few short hours the children will live in their own home.

Age doesn't really come into it - 60 year olds aren't fragile wee things who mustn't be disturbed at any time. They will have to adjust to having a family next door.

However , needless noise should always be cut out.Its very wearing for all concerned. NT children do know how to modulate their voices and should not be shouting or screaming in any rooms on a regular basis. Neither should they hoof up stairs like elephants. Its just being considerate. They can shout and stamp as much as they like outside.

And my kids do slam doors. I've taken the door handle off their bedroom door and am considering getting those things which close doors slowly for other doors.

I'm a bit that you think an 8 yo can't control their volume. Unless he has SEN then yes YABU.

I do not let my 3 yo shout indoors. We have had noisy neighbours in the past and it totally destroys your enjoyment of your own home.

As you haven't mentioned that your neighbours TV is disturbing you (common for elderly people to have the TV too loud) then it sounds that the problem is less thin walls than too much noise from your children.

As a compromise could you just concentrate on training them not to door slam and run up and down the stairs. That would be more than reasonable and the neighbours would have to put up with a normal level of playing noise.

Chil1234 - Yes I agree with all these things but it cuts both ways. Surely the OP is just as entitled to these considerations as her neighbours. People seem to be suggesting that she is some sort of neighbour second class citizen because she moved in last.
Her neighbours should expect to compromise on the level of noise next door when kids have moved in and she should ensure that it is not excessive.

I've got no idea whether you're unreasonable - I think that you have to be honest with yourself as to whether your DC are too noisy.

But honestly, some people are totally ridiculous about noise - my sister lived next door to people who complained about the noise from the cistern refilling, and asked her not to flush the loo until 9 in the morning.