neighbours complaining about dss being too noisy?

[sunberryhat]

We (me, dh, ds1 (8) and ds2 (6)) live next door to a couple in their 60s and his elderly mother, who have been complaining that we're too noisy. We moved in MArch. Apparently dss are stamping up and down the stairs and screaming in the bedrooms. To me it sounds like pretty normal play, probably fairly loud at times, but all fairly average for boys their age. I don't encourage boistrous play in the house, but I feel that kids should be able to express themselves, and that they don't have good volume control! I don't think they're any worse than their friends. We are always quiet in the evenings, boys quiet in their rooms after 7 and never up at weekends until at least 8am.

They even complained that dh slammed the door so loud this morning that he woke the old lady (at 8am ). They say we should realise we live next to old people, but I think they should realise that they live next to young people. The walls do seem very thin, and I'm aware of them moving around, I can hear the TV, hoover etc but I think live and let live.

AIBU?

BlueFergie - the neighbours probably keep very different hours to the OP. They may be awake due to different sleep patterns caused by pain for example. Do you think they slam doors at 4am?

Bit of give and take is needed. It's not worth letting it get to 'arms at dawn' levels. It would be better to sit down with them and see what can be resolved without saying the kids are too noisy, which they probably aren't.

It's always polite and considerate not to make more noise than necessary. Ongoing noise is wearing.

If you all learn how to shut doors without slamming them, and keep the unecessary noise to a minimum, then maybe they will be more tolerant of sporadic noise of playing etc.

We were taught to close every door by holding the handle and using it, rather than just pulling it to, to go to a room and speak rather than yelling through the house, and to go up and down stairs quietly. Disappearing skills!

There was one door 'slam' - dh leaving for work this morning. Dss absolutely do not - strict house rule about playing with doors and hurting fingers. They always wear socks or slippers indoors. Running is not allowed.

TV next door is adjacent to our dining room, so we can hear it, but it doesn't disturb us when we are trying to sleep or anything. Like I say, thin walls, let and let live.

They had a huge swimming / paddling pool in the garden with grandchildren leaping in and out, laughing and squealing, every time the sun shone, all summer. We never said anything even though it was a bit annoying. Children need to play don't they?

To clarify, our general noise level is certainly above library levels but they are NOT shouting or screaming on a regular basis. Having said that, space rockets need to blast off, mines need to be dug, dinosaurs will roar - sometime -but we don't live in a stately home!

My Dad was always very strict about us turning door handles, not slamming them. Is that a dying art? I agree with Blu, why not teach children to speak to each other rather than yell from a distance? And to close doors properly. Makes your home a more peaceful place, and keeps the neighbours happy. Also - less wear and tear on your doors.

YABU. Neighbours should not be able to hear each other's goings-on. If you don't nip it in the bud, they may well turn to nasty tactics, playing music really loud in the middle of the night etc. And they'd be fully justified.

No it isn't Hammy02.

It isn't what? If one neighbour thinks it's acceptable to constantly irritate their neighbour through lack of consideration, why is it not fair for the elderly neighbours to show them how noise impacts on their lives? I've lived next door to children but haven't been able to hear them through brick walls.

It isn't clear that noise levels are actually high so the neighbours could be reacting to something which isn't under the OP's control i.e. any noise.

You are lucky you live in a house where noise doesn't travel. Sadly many houses do not have basic standards like this.

Nobody is justified in playing really loud noise in the middle of the night.

If the kids are quiet between 9pm and 7am and not very noisy all the rest of the time they are quiet enough, imho. I agree with earwicga, it's probably any noise at all that they can't cope with.

Both of you could look at putting up insulation boards. You could offer to pay for theirs to sweeten the deal.

earwicga - Well I don't know if you have any basis for thinking the neighbours keep very different hours from the OP due to pain. As 2 of them are only in their 60s I would certainly hope that is not the case. Even if it is I assume they do not slam doors at 4am. I think slamming doors at anytime is unacceptable.
However the real issue seems to be the childrens' noises and not the door slamming which appears to be a one off. On this I think we are agreed - compromise and consideration on both sides

BlueFergie - that's my point, we don't know. I'm 37 and the arthritis in my hip means I don't sleep well.

And yes, compromise and consideration.

OP, you moved there in March - who lived there before you, that you are so noisy in comparison?

The fact that you can hear their TV/hoover does suggest that sound travels through the walls too easily. I'd probably think about putting some sound insulation up on the party walls.

YANBU
Kids make noise its what they do, we live next door to an elderly lady and when ds gets a bit loud I do tell him to keep it down. However then I think hes just having fun its what children do you cant tell them to be quiet all the time.
And the door slamming thing, our living room door slams alot because ds cant reach the handle, again Im not going to shout at him for this :) I think that next door should just allow you to live how you are after all you are a young family. If anything trying to keep really quiet for your neighbours makes you feel really uncomfortable in your home and its a horrible feeling :(

You're not the ne being unreasonable here :)