Children's party invitations - AIBU?

[fifitot]

This morning at DD's school, all the children lined up ready to go in (reception class so all 4 and 5). 30 children in the class. This mother had a big pile of party invitations, not in envelopes, which her little daughter was handing out....to the ones invited to her party that is.

I fully understand that you can't invite all children to your child's party but FFS why get your DD to hand them out to the kids so that the ones NOT invited feel so left out! It was causing mayhem, lots of girls turning to their mums to ask what was going on, the children with invitations flapping them around to say 'ooh look what we've got!'.

Silly cow. She should have put them in envelopes at least, handed them to the mothers or asked if she could put them in book bags.

What a thoughtless, tactless woman.

YANBU

Yep.

She just might have been inviting the whole class though, so it wouldn't have mattered.

DH once came home from dropping DD off all tearful because someone had been handing out invitations and DD hadn't got one and had been disappointed but stoical. She got one the next day though . . . presumably the little boy was writing them himself and had only done half the first day. But I still wonder what the mother was thinking.

YANBU. Very tactless :(

When my DD1 was at Infant school any party invites had to be given to the teacher at the start of the day and in the morning break she would pop them into the relevant trays.

Saved lots of disruption and minimalised children who may feel left out.

Of course YANBU. This is the reason for bookbags or t'internet. My DD's school will not allow them to be given out if not everyone is being invited.

I tended to encourage kids to go into class early and "post" them into the relevant kids' trays if they weren't inviting the whole class to minimize the issues if not all were invited. Not much I could do if they were being given out at the school gates though.

I'm glad I'm not only one who finds that rude.

DD1 has only been at school since September, and there have been 3 birthdays- invites all handed out in the playground in front of everyone. One mum even handed out some party bags in the playground the day after the party!

I felt very sad for all the kids looking round and wondering where their invites/bags were.

YANBU.

YANBU i would have a quiet word with the teacher when you get chance and ask them not to allow this. You could ask the teacher to change the rules so she puts them in the relevent trays as someone said earlier.

I can see your problem, but there isn't often an ideal way.

1. Often teachers/TAs won't get involved (they can't win really, so I don't blame them). Parents aren't allowed into the classrooms in the morning so no posting in trays (not that they have them anyway at the moment).
2. If ds (nearly 4) hands them out, he'll shout it from the rooftops.
3. Ds doesn't know what the parents of his friends look like.
4. It's ds' first year and I don't know who they are either.
5. Wandering round the playground asking 'are you Thomas' mum?' sort of gives the game away!

I agree that tact is required but secrecy isn't .

januaryjojo - that is a really nasty sentiment about a 5yo child.

YANBU about the tactlessness of this mum, but it us not the teacher's role to organise giving out party invites. We've got enough to do. Sorry.

Thoughtless and insensitive but funtimewincies makes good points

By the way, those who like them in trays, what do you think happens when the children open their trays in the morning and find the envelopes. I doubt very much that they smile secretly to themselves and put the invitation back to avoid hurting anyone else's feelings. Cue much 'did you get one' at breaktime, at the very least!

Tactless and not nice

It's a bit tactless perhaps, but DCs rapidly learn that they're not going to be invited to every party going. That's life, tbh.

january I have never met a 5yo who is a "nasty little bitch"

I don't know, when do we teach our children that not everyone gets to go to the party?

It starts on Day One pretty much, Duelling. IMO at least.

Perhaps DS is thick skinned, but he seemed to understand that party numbers are limited and that not everyone can be invited, right from the start.

It's our job as parents to help our DCs cope with the disappointments that life invariably throws at us.

DD has had quite a few of the "You're coming to my party, it's going to be a [insert something really flash here] party and it's going to be on the xxth of whatever" and I can just tell that she won't be in fact invited. There's something about the way it gets said or related back to me that means I know. Luckily DD is now nearly 9 and quite sanguine about it all, and understands that at that precise moment in time the other girl really wanted her to come but there would only be a certain number of people allowed.

Then there is the Mum that comes and tells me all about grandiose plans for her DD's party and that she'll be inviting our DD, would our DD be free on xx day? After two years of nothing actually happening I now simply smile and nod. But in those cases I think it's just that the party itself doesn't happen - for her DD.

What I want to know is when did the world go mad and everyone start inviting 30-odd children to birthday parties?

When I was a kid, in the years when I was lucky enough to have a party for my birthday, I was allowed 7 or 8 friends at most.

I don't understand the logic behind having so many children there - the birthday child can't possibly be close friends with them all, or get around to playing with everyone at the party. So is it about getting more presents?

well on one hand YANBU to be annoyed obo your child, but on the other kids do need to know that not everyone will be invited to all the parties - fact of life really. Yes it's dreadful to see your child upset, but they are starting to go out into the world and it has some rough edges, even at primary school. We all need to learn how to deal with this stuff.

And funtime makes some v good points re the logistics of 'inviting'. Morning line up is probably about the best time to hand them out.

YABU to think that you can in anyway control the actions of other parents - chances are they are going to continue to deal with this clumsely throughout your child school days.

As for the cost, organisation and stress involved in being able to hold a "whole class" party so no ones feelings are hurt, well not everyone is either prepared or equipped (financially or otherwise) to do this (sounds like a bad nightmare to me speaking as someone who hosted a 3 year old party yesterday - 15 kids, more than enough) - so some children will always be left out.

I (or rather ds) had a whole class party once. Never Again.

When I have parties I either invite the whole class or just one or two for a special day out. However saying that our little darlings can't be invited to everything and life can be cruel. I often wonder if the parents are more offended than the children.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IME if you let your 6 year old ds pop them into his classmates trays there is a strong chance a lot of them will not make it home. We had very few replies for ds's 7th party until I started texting some of the mums I knew and discovered many were still in the trays!

I'm going to hand to mums from now on!