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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children's party invitations - AIBU?

72 replies

fifitot · 15/11/2010 10:19

This morning at DD's school, all the children lined up ready to go in (reception class so all 4 and 5). 30 children in the class. This mother had a big pile of party invitations, not in envelopes, which her little daughter was handing out....to the ones invited to her party that is.

I fully understand that you can't invite all children to your child's party but FFS why get your DD to hand them out to the kids so that the ones NOT invited feel so left out! It was causing mayhem, lots of girls turning to their mums to ask what was going on, the children with invitations flapping them around to say 'ooh look what we've got!'.

Silly cow. She should have put them in envelopes at least, handed them to the mothers or asked if she could put them in book bags.

What a thoughtless, tactless woman.

OP posts:
funtimewincies · 15/11/2010 12:07

I think that they are summermadness. To some parents it must seem like a rejection of your child, even when the child in question isn't that bothered.

At the age ds is, we have to contend with parents wanting to stay to parties as well, so even less room for children in our little house.

Original poster
fifitot · 15/11/2010 12:17

It's not about my LO not being invited or even the issue of children learning that they can't all be invited. That goes without saying. What I was annoyed about was that this mother didn't appear to have given any thought to the manner in which the invitations were being handed out. Any reasonable person would have done.

At this school you CAN ask teacher to put in bookbag at the end of the day so she had that option.

OP posts:
ginodacampoismydh · 15/11/2010 12:39

i think what januaryjojo was a strange thing to say about a 5 year old child. [shocked]

i think op yabu my dd as two invites this week for a party the whole class is invited to. i find thid more UR as i wont be sending 30 invites for her birthday.

i dont think it matters how they are given out as children will feel disopointed, but they have to realise they cant be part of every thing.

Original poster
fifitot · 15/11/2010 12:52

Don't disagree with what you are saying in terms of children realising they can't be part of everything.

My point is that of all the ways to invite kids to a party that has to be one of the more disruptive surely. 8.55 am in the line for school, parents rushing to drop their kids off etc......Some kids rushing around with invites, taunting those without, lots of 'why am I not invited' to mums who need to go to work etc and haven't got time to explain........

I still think this woman was a silly cow!

OP posts:
LadyWellian · 15/11/2010 12:54

At the risk of getting my head shot off for sticking up for januaryjojo, is it inconceivable that a 5-year-old can be nasty? That does smack of behaviour calculated to upset and hurt.

funtimewincies · 15/11/2010 12:57

Agree that it might not have been particularly subtle, but there is no good time. After school it's often childminders collecting so you've no idea whether the invitation got home (especially if they don't RSVP).

Everyone is busy, rushed and things don't always go how you'd like them to. The mum in question posssibly didn't handle it well but that's life. Wouldn't it be marvellous if everyone was like us Grin?

IAPJJLPJ · 15/11/2010 12:59

I second LadyWellian. I help out in ds1 class alot and believe me there is one girl there who is nasty.

Are they born that way or made.......?

cornflakegirl · 15/11/2010 13:04

DS1 was in reception last year, and when it came to giving out his invitations, I tried to be all tactful. I mentioned to the teacher that he was inviting about half the class, and asked if it was okay to put the invites in trays. She told me to give them to her, and DS1 could hand them out at circle time, saying the kids understood that not everyone can be invited.

SparkleSoiree · 15/11/2010 13:06

"She told me to give them to her, and DS1 could hand them out at circle time, saying the kids understood that not everyone can be invited."

Shock
KERALA1 · 15/11/2010 13:06

I like my friends story - she took some invites to her 3 year olds nursery and asked one of the assistants to identify the children her dd had said she wanted to invite. She thought some of the names were abit unusual. It turned out that all the "friends" were actually imaginary - ideal party guests I would have thought Grin.

yellowflowers · 15/11/2010 13:06

I think 5 year olds can be nasty - it's often learnt behaviour from parents - I'm not saying that any children are born nasty - but I know kids younger than that who are bossy or mean or bullies too.

PixieOnaLeaf · 15/11/2010 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

disappearhere · 15/11/2010 13:13

Woah! Januaryjojo, your 'Nasty little bitch, I very nearly slapped her!!' comment is really not ok.

RipMacWinkle · 15/11/2010 13:16

I think it's a no-win situation.

But I would actually potentially disagree with rjrabbit

When I was young you either didn't have big parties, had family parties with cousins etc or whole class parties but it wasn't the same as now i.e. it was in the house or back garden, few games, jelly ice-cream, bit of disco dancing (showing my age!) and then home.

Now it's all big parties when kids are 2, 3 etc and it's soft play, laser quest and all the rest.

Now inviting a whole class to that just costs a fortune.

I'm dreading DS going to school and party politics. He's a sensitive wee soul.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/11/2010 13:17

5 year olds can definitely be nasty. I was bullied when I was 4. The girl in question was very pretty and knew how to suck up to the teachers. So she would be asked to hand around the crayons for writing and drawing. She would snake around the classroom particularly so that I would be the last to get to pick out a crayon, and only the stubby useless ones were left. She would look at me too, and smirk to make sure that I knew what she was doing. She was certainly crafty, as her bullying in the playground was very subtle and designed to look like "playing" from a distance.

Luckily I was a goody-two-shoes, and when I told my Mum, both she and the teacher believed me. :) But had I been an awkward or challenging child, I wouldn't be so sure that she wouldn't get away with it. :(

Anyway, back to the matter at hand - I think that it's OK to hand out a very small number of invites, or the whole class, but not anything in between.

wannaBe · 15/11/2010 13:22

the thing is, if children are the types that will taunt other children about them being invited and the others not they will do it regardless of how discretely the invitation is handed out.

Personally I think it's much better to be up-front about having a party etc than be all secretive about it.

And not being invited is just life.

fel1x · 15/11/2010 13:49

Its all well and good saying that the children understand thata they cant all be invited and if they dont get invited this time, they will next time etc
But its horrible for the children like my DS who has NEVER been invited to any of the birthday parties Sad
I'd rather they did it discreetly and he didnt see the envelopes tbh

Tikitikitembo · 15/11/2010 13:57

YANBU we have given up on parties. Some parents can be so thoughtless.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 16/11/2010 12:35

Utterly OT - but Tiki I love, love, love your name!

I'm get all misty eyed about it now..

Tikitikitembonosarenbocharribarriroochipipperipembo!

Now off to Google to see if I got the words right :)

badfairy · 16/11/2010 12:41

Look this is how it goes......not every ones child will get invited to every ones party....fact. The easiest way to ensure all children who are invited get an invite is to take them to school and give them out.

My DS sometimes gets a bit miffed if he hasn't been invited to a party and his friends have but this is a life lesson that just has to be learned and I do get a bit fed up with parents who think that their little Johnny should be invited to everything.

As I explain to my son, you won't get invited to everything and likewise you can't invite everyone to everything you do either.

badfairy · 16/11/2010 12:46

....and can I just add that not all 5 year olds who are excited about giving out their party invites are nasty, they are just excited and happy about inviting people to their party.

Original poster
fifitot · 17/11/2010 08:58

badfairy if you read my original post I did say that I recognised that not all kids will be invited to every party. That is not my complaint. Not sure why so many posters kept saying 'not all kids invited, fact of life, blah blah'. Yes I see that, no problem with that whatsover.

The issue was the tactless mother who didn't think there might be an impact on the children.

Never mind - thread run it's course now but thanks all for the replies.

OP posts:
CardyMow · 17/11/2010 17:56

YABU - Not everyone can afford to invite everyone in the class to a party, DS2's 7th birthday is in 2 weeks, I can afford to invite 15 children to his party. And FGS, it's a life lesson that dc have to learn that they cannot be invited to everything. there have been plenty of parties that my DS2 hasn't been invited to, he doesn't get upset, he understands that the parent's income limits the numbers, the dc that can afford to invite everyone have more money, those that invite some rather than all the class don't and they are obviously going to invite their closest friends.

huddspur · 17/11/2010 17:59

YABU- the kids would have found out who was and wasn't invited anyway

CardyMow · 17/11/2010 18:04

And the mother wasn't being 'tactless', she probably (like me) is useless with children's names, and got her dc to hand the invites out so they went to the right child. How is it HER fault that you couldn't be bothered to exlain to your child that they won't get invited to everything, and not everyone has enough money to have a party for everyone?

I agree it's horrible when your dc isn't invited to any parties, I had that with DD all through primary (she went to ONE party in all of primary) because of her SN's. But still, she never took it to heart (upset me more than her) because she didn't have any close friends then. It has improved since she started secondary, she goes to the parties of her 4 closest friends (two are twins so 3 parties).

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