to NOT tell xp what i spend his maintenance payments on?...

[mumatron]

xp is a knobber.

he had the dc an extra few days last half term, so he took it upon himself to half my maintenance payment.

apparently as they were not here, they did not need 'entertaining' so what did i need the money for?

i tried to explain that the payments are for making sure the dc have everything they need. inc a roof over their heads.

apparently it's for cinema visits and swimming.

the money was going to be used to buy warmer pyjamas and underwear.

apparently i should have more pride and buy it all myself.

would ibu to poke him in the eye?

i'll send you a poking stick

Is it an informal arrangement? I'm guessing yes if he can halve it at a stroke. Get it through the CSA then he has to pay a fixed amount every month.

i would get more satisfaction using my finger i think.

i should of said aswell, that he is now refusing to pay anything until i can assure him that its not being used to pay utility bills.

thats because, when trying to reason with him, i said something along the lines of ' do you think i could pay less gas/elec/water rates because they dc were here for 2 nights less?'

Go to the CSA, he is an arsehole.

Of course it can be used for utilities, does he want his children to be cold?

Dick.

it used to be through csa, he then began working 'part time' (16 hours on the books rest cash in hand) came to an agreement on £15 a week. as he now has step dc the csa will award me a whopping great £5 per week.

it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't gloat about how they are fiddling the bloody system.

tbh it is not about the money so much, it's the fact he thinks he can still control me like this.

i can live without the money but why the hell should?

If you can get proof, shop him to the tax people. This kind of thing really pisses me off. Cheating wanker. Sorry.

disco i have tried. the problem is proving it.

That's the thing isn't it? Story in the papers a while back where this guy who was a massively successful estate agent, with a Bentley Continental, million pound house the lot, was paying £2.50 a week in maintenance!

He was employed by his own business and only declared a certain amount of income. His accountant advised him on what to do. It's disgusting.

I hope you win the lottery tomorrow night and rub his nose in it.

If its not about the money then just get it through the csa. It'll be less but it means he loses control over it which is what is pissing you off.

Or you could just threaten to report him if he doesn't stop fucking around.

i did have to laugh though, when he text me yest saying i am obviously jealous that they are doing so well for themselves.

they live in a temporary council house after making themselves homeless, he works on a veg stall, scamming tax credits and rides a push bike after losing his driving liscence for drinnk driving...3times!

yes, i must admit i'm mighty jealous. i'm sorry i ever got rid of him now

don't go through csa unless he stops paying all together. regardless of how he pays you, you are still not obliged to tell him what the money is spent on. i he doesn't like that and stops it, then go to the csa.

report him for benifit fraud and then go to the csa

Tell him it goes on cinema and the like

I mean money in money out- doesn;t matter which is which?

But tell him you will only agree to discuss it if he reinstates it (And socnsider calling TAx credits on him, they ahte fiddlers).

What a prat; completely delusional about how he doing in life and controlling to say the least. Lucky that he's an ex frankly.

he is getting in a state now as i have refused to drop off/pickup the dc for visitation. haven't said he can't have them, he just has to get them himself.

of course i can't use the money he gives for petrol that isn't entertainment for the dc is it?

well if he isnt giving you it you cant possibly use it, tell him now you are £15 quide down you cant afford the petrol, what an arse.

i have told him the picking up and dropping off is stopping, i have always tried to keep the peace as much as poss, not anymore. it's about time he made the effort. the sad part is he has to pass here on his way home from work, it's just laziness.

now i'm a money grabbing bitch. oh well.

He's an arse.

My DP pays the same maintenance to the boys mum regardless of whether we have them more often or not... seeing them more often is a bonus to us and he wouldn't dream of cutting the amount he pays because he's bought them an extra pair of shoes, or we've had them for extra time. They are his kids and he provides for them. Whether that means when they're with us, or when they are with their mum it's all the same! And frankly, if she's got a bit extra and what he pays goes on treats or utility bills then thats fine! It's all for the DCs at the end of the day. I don't care how she manages her money, it's the kids who benefit and that's the way it should be!

He's not a man, he's a cock.

i asked him if i would be having extra in future when he goes away and doesn't see them for two weeks. he didn't answer that one.

what pisses me off is he dropped an overnight stay every wednesday because of work commitments, did i ask for the money to increase? no.

tosser.

and the half term in question he had them an extra night. how does that equate to half the money?

mumatron - i was you last year. I too stopped the dropping off/collecting - well, actually all contact stopped as DD refused to go.

After a few month, he saw a solicitor and we went to mediation. When he asks for money (as he did when DD was in hospital and he wanted petrol money to go and see her) i state that he was the one who wanted contact, so he should be the one who pays.

All of this kicked off because i eventually had enough and went to the CSA. Initally he packed his job in, and i got £5 per week But, after a few month of being skint of JSA, he finally got a better paid one, and i was right there with the CSA letter

From my own experience, i would say def go through the csa, it takes so much pressure off, takes the controlling aspect of money away from him (he cant decide when/how much etc) and has certainly made my life easier.
None of this "well i had them for an extra night etc". I did actually suggest that he has them more than the one night per fortnight he does, as a way to reduce his csa payment - he refused, as i knew he would
Ex's can be right twunts

be my guest lf i'm growing my nails especially for the eye poking.

i have just been speaking with his sil. i think most of this is down to his current gf. it's pretty sad really that he would put her first. she has a dodgy relationship with her dc's dad, does not allow access so he refuses to pay etc. apparently she does not like xp speaking to me, or giving money. although she does alot with my dc, swimming cinema etc.

had so many issues with this man it's unreal. i'm glad the dc are going through a phase of not wanting to go there.

CSA money isn't maintainance. It's money for the upkeep of the child. Maintainance is something England has (but Scotland sensibly hasn't) to be paid to 1 adult when 2 adults divorce regardless of whether or not they have kids.
The CSA calculation table does reduce CSA payments if a child stays with the non res parent more than so many nights a year. You don't reduce it when the kid stays though. You decide on how much 1 person is paying to the other and review it regularly (we review ours annually).