Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Think It's Probable My Mum Has HIV

44 replies

midori1999 · 12/11/2010 16:07

Just when I think things can't get any more complicated. Sad

My Mum found out last night that her ex partner of ten years has recently been diagnosed with HIV. She doesn't know how long he's had it at the moment, (although apparently they can give a rough idea) and they have no idea how he could have got it.

She is booked in for a test on Monday. Am I wrong in thinking if she has been with this man for tens year and he is exhibiting symptoms which caused the hospital to test for HIV, she in very unlikely not to have it?

My Mum is very angry and upset and in pieces, as are myself and my sister really.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 12/11/2010 16:09
Sad
BooBooGlass · 12/11/2010 16:09

AIBU is really not the place for this

DooinMeCleanin · 12/11/2010 16:10

Yes it's very likely she has it, but not certain and if she does it is no longer a death sentence. With the correct medication etc your mum can continue to the rest of her life in good health.

Very sorry that you are having to cope with this.

smallwhitecat · 12/11/2010 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Megglevache · 12/11/2010 16:15

I really hope that she is ok Midori.

truffleshuffle · 12/11/2010 16:15

Well it obviously depends on when he caught it and whether they practised safe sex.
YANBU at all though to be worried, how awful for your mum.
Though being HIV positive is not a death sentence like it used to be. My friend was diagnosed in 1999, as was her husband. They have no idea when and how they caught it or who gave it to who. They are both on medication but lead very normal healthy lives.

FindingMyMojo · 12/11/2010 16:25

Oh my goodness - what a shock for you all.

Agree with those who say it's not the death sentence it once was. My friend has lived with HIV since early 90's and although in the early years he had some close calls and got very sick & he was involved in lots of the experimental HIV drug tests in the 90's where things took a huge leap forwards treatment wise. He is now fit as a fiddle & I doubt his life expectancy is much if any different to mine (we were born a week apart).

I hope she is OK - but do remember she is likely to be OK even if she is positive.

QueenStromba · 12/11/2010 16:58

I'm really sorry - this must be a terrible worry for you.

I'm a virologist working on similar viruses to HIV so I know a fair bit about it.

Do you know what symptoms he has? A few weeks after person is first infected with HIV they undergo seroconversion which presents as severe flu like symptoms - it's not unknown for people to be diagnosed at this stage so it could be that he was infected very recently.

When did your mum and her ex break up? Some strains of HIV can cause AIDS symptoms very quickly so even if they only broke up in the last couple of years he may still have caught it afterwards. Also, different strains of HIV infect via different routes more effectively so if he picked it up from IV drug use then the virus might not be passed on so readily through intercourse.

I get tested for everything every few years (because I think it's the responsible thing to do), my last test was over the summer and if it's any comfort I heard back within a few days. It might be worth looking to see if there is a walk in clinic running in your local hospital - I just went upstairs after my cervical smear and they saw me straight away.

Here's a link to a page on seroconversion and feel free to PM me if you have any more questions you don't want to discuss publicly.

aids.about.com/cs/conditions/a/syndrome.htm

QueenStromba · 12/11/2010 17:05

Oh, and 2% of north west Europeans are effectively immune to HIV because they have two copies of a mutated CCR5 gene (one of the receptors that HIV normally needs to infect a cell) and about 1 in 7 have one copy of this gene which makes it harder for them to become infected.

Original poster
midori1999 · 12/11/2010 17:08

Thankyou very much for all the replies.

Queenstromba, that's very helpful, thankyou. They split up properly about 6 months ago. The symptoms that alerted the hospital included lumps under his arms/lymph glands/nodes? Not sure what others. He is visiting my Mum to discuss with her this afternoon, she felt it needed to be discusses face to face.

I imagine it's likely he caught it via intercourse. He's had no blood tranfusions and isn't a drug user. They lived in Thailand for some years and he did recieve treatment in a very remote hospital there, which my Mum seems to think is a possible cause, but surely this is unlikely?

They were having unprotected sex, she went through the menapause at a young age and I suppose she's just of the generation where they don't think you need an HIV test prior to unprotected sex with a new partner. Sad

OP posts:
beebuzzer · 12/11/2010 17:15

So sorry midori, Its not impossible to have contracted it in Thailand, although I'm not sure what the HIV infection rate is over there.(I have been treated in a remote place in Nigeria and believe it it wasn't pretty!)I always worried that I had picked up something while abroad, as I Used to travel a lot. Lymph nodes being swollen throughout the body would indicate an infectious disease if they are constantly swollen.
What treatment did he recieve do you know?

spacedog · 12/11/2010 17:18

How awful for you both, am so sorry. Is it helpful to know that people with HIV diagnosed now are, on average likely to outlive smokers? As others have said it's no longer a death sentence. Fingers crossed for your mum she is ok. There is rapid screening available now so no need for drawn out wait.

Mahraih · 12/11/2010 17:19

Hey,

So sorry you've had this news.

My dad died of AIDS (don't worry it gets better!) and my mum doesn't have it. My stepmother unfortunately has it and my half-sister is HIV+. But she, through a combination of taking care of herself and good doctors has a viral load that's barely detectable, and her life expectancy is as long as mine, so it isn't a death sentance at ALL.

She's healthy, happy and lives a full life, has a boyfriend, is at university, and she was born with HIV. It is a shock to hear when someone first gives you the news but if she does have it (and she may not), it can be managed.

There's really no way of knowing how long your mum's partner had it for and therefore how much exposure she had, so try to keep calm and just see what happens.

If it turns out she does have HIV and you'd like to talk to someone, I've been there (more than once!) and would be more than happy to talk :)

QueenStromba · 12/11/2010 17:32

HIV is pretty common in Thailand and the main strain there is also a strain that is a lot easier for a man to catch through heterosexual sex than most. While I hate to make assumptions about people I haven't met, I reckon he probably cheated on your mum while they were in Thailand. I'll have a read up about the Thai strain and let you know what I find out but I have to tell you now that I'm not very optimistic.

When exactly were they in Thailand and has he been back since they broke up? Prevalent strains do change over time so if he was infected a decade ago he'd likely have a very different strain to if he was infected last year.

Original poster
midori1999 · 12/11/2010 17:40

Thankyou all again.

beebuzzer, I just assumed they would have precautions in place in hospitals to limit/prevent the spread of HIV?

Mahriah, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and your family. Thankyou so much for posting and the offer to talk.

Queenstromba, thankyou again. They were in Thailand until about 18 months ago, for several years. It wouldn't suprise me(or my Mum with hindsight) at all if he had been unfaithful in Thailand.

She is booked to have a test on Monday and they have told her the results should only take a day or two.

OP posts:
Litchick · 12/11/2010 17:52

Midori - I hope all goes well.
However, as many other have said, treatment is very effection today.

One of my friends is HIV and he is absolutely fine. Works full time, leads an active life, co-parents a child with his cousin.

badfairy · 12/11/2010 18:18

hideous hideous hideous......I had a boyfriend years ago that I lost contact with and then some years later discovered he had died of an HIV related illness and was convinced that as I had slept with him I must have it too, but I didn't - the fear and panic that sets in is horrendous so I will be keeping everything crossed for you all Sad

ForMashGetSmash · 12/11/2010 18:28

So sorry for your Mum and you...what a hard wait for you both.

I am so glad that it's not one of those things which we can't talk about anymore...thankfully it's lost most of it's stigma and the ignorance has faded...I think for the situation you are in, it's going to be hard to think about anything but HIV until your Mums results come through...

I don't know if you're religious or not...but I'll say a litle prayer now...and if you're not religious well then I will make a wish for your Mum for good measure.

bumpsoon · 12/11/2010 18:45

queenstromba could it be possible that the lymph node issue was related to recent infection? just curious .
midori hope all goes well for your mum , hiv as others have said isnt a death sentence ,she lives in a country where the best treatment is readily available and her early diagnosis (if she is +ve ) will all work in her favour .

QueenStromba · 12/11/2010 19:09

Bumpsoon:

That's definitely possible, it could also be any number of secondary infections or cancer.

Northernlurker · 12/11/2010 19:15

How horrible for her Sad She may very well be lucky and not have caught it. That is very possible. If she is positive then it's treatable. I know it doesn't seem like it now but this isn't the worst thing that could happen. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with of course - it's very scary - but what you are talking about here is a virus that has had a lot of time and money addressed to it and there are treatments now to mediate the effects very successfully. There is a lot of support and advice out there and there would be a lot of sympathy for your mum. She has nothing to be ashamed of.

booyhoo · 12/11/2010 19:17

oh midori, i am so sorry to hear this. i really hope your mum tests clear. will they be able to tell on monday?

nikki1978 · 12/11/2010 19:19

When I had an HIV test the results were back in a few hours. This was at St Georges in Tooting. Is there nowhere near you that can do it faster :)

nikki1978 · 12/11/2010 19:20

Oh god sorry I don't know why I put a smiley there!

Hope things work out ok for your mum.

Mumcentreplus · 12/11/2010 19:26

So sorry to hear what's happening with your mum..sending support and ...