To NOT take DS's trainers to school after because he forgot them again

[memoo]

Ok, DS is nearly 10 and in year 5.

Since september I have had to go to school at least 20 times to take things to him that he has forgot. This morning I told him several times to put his trainers in his bag for school, each time he replied "ok".

I've just found his trainers lying on the floor in the hall!

Aibu to not take them today as a way of teaching him to take a little more responsibility for himself?

He doesn't have PE tday, he just wears his trainers at lunch time as they play football and have to change into their trainers first.

hully not taking in the trainers (in this instance), or helping a forgetful person learn how to cope with their forgetful ways isn't the same as being cross with them. It's about helping them longterm, by leaving them to face the consequences of their actions short term. Cross doesn't have to come into it.

May I direct your attention to the big red emoticon in the middle of the OP?

they're making fake bosoms in DT? Brilliant.

No, the thing is you don't need to be cross at all, because if the thing they forgot is important they have to deal with the consequences, be it missing footie or getting penalty points.

I am only cross about things DD forgets to bring home from school like her flute or coat. She doesn't care about not practising or getting soaked so my crossness is necessary as a 'consequence'

I was quite cross actually

I think the OP was cross because she was contemplating taking in the trainers. Now she's realised the error of her ways she should be all chilled.

Its perfectly understandable to get cross when your DS repeatedly forgets everything. Mine has no powers of memory whatsoever (unless it involves memorising crap about pokemon and the like). I just let him deal with the consequences of disorganisation. I am completely disorganised myself, and I'd like him to grow up to be a more competent human being than me.

I get cross because I think it's emotional blackmail. I don't want him not to have what he needs, or get in trouble (because he is always so genuinely remorseful) and so I help in a mad whirlwind frenzy and it's all so UNNECESSARY.

YANBU

I am very chilled now, eating branflakes and mumsnetting

And now you're all going to tell me to let him experience the consequences of his own actions and the errors of his ways.

I did remind him several times this morning too. Its not like I was expecting him to remember everything, all he had to do was put them in his bag on the way out fo the door.

Hully, let him experience the consequences of his own actions and the errors of his ways.

lalalalalalala LA LA!

Are you in some kind of pain Hully?

Well, if only I had worded my AIBU the way this OP did rather than mentioning clattering her about the head.
OP, YANBU.

Kreecher, I may well clatter him around the head when he gets home later

I have baskets and hooks in the kitchen to put all of the stuff needed in the mornings. I put stuff there the night before as I am crap in the mornings. Of course DC's are only 5 and 3 so it's not complicated at the moment. Could you do something like that?

Hully, help in a mad whirlwind frenzy every day.

But don't come whining to us here in years to come when his girlfriend/wife hates you for setting the expectation of unconditional support!

Grimma, as I will be carefully handpicking both my dc's spouses, I shall choose wisely, a nice biddable, highly supportive and yet high powered and high earning girly for him, and ditto the dd.

Sorted.

Ah but GTN it'll be her problem then

Hully, you must continue the frienzied whirlwinding after your DS has left home and married the girl of your his choosing. Your future-DIL will love you for it.

Yes Kreecher - weird isn't it, completely different set of responses to essentially the same thing!! Just replied to yours actually!

Memoo - you are being really mean not taking them to him, he's only 10.