To NOT take DS's trainers to school after because he forgot them again

[memoo]

Ok, DS is nearly 10 and in year 5.

Since september I have had to go to school at least 20 times to take things to him that he has forgot. This morning I told him several times to put his trainers in his bag for school, each time he replied "ok".

I've just found his trainers lying on the floor in the hall!

Aibu to not take them today as a way of teaching him to take a little more responsibility for himself?

He doesn't have PE tday, he just wears his trainers at lunch time as they play football and have to change into their trainers first.

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

but option 3 is much more fun, emptyshell

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

The thing about them constantly forgetting is that, imo, there is a certain "I don't have to bother trying to remember things" about it.

The (unconscious maybe) attitude that they don't have to be responsible, mum will sort it out.

Same as the men who never remember their mum's birthday and other things. Their partner takes care of it. They forget. Because they know that they don't have to bother to remember.

If you are always bailed out, you learn that you don't need to bother. You may not say that, you may not realise you think that, but at the back of your mind is the knowledge that some muggins will sort it all out for you.

Well, far better to know that there is no muggins. It's you or nothing. Amazing how much memory improves. And how quickly...

[emptyshell]

You take them in - he forgets them again tomorrow.

You don't take them in - he can't play football today, and tomorrow morning he thinks "oh I want to play football today, I need to take my trainers."

Or you take them in at lunchtime, wear your most embarrassing clothes, get the cooperation of the office staff to hand them to him in person and do your most mummy "snookybunnkins give me a kiss goodbye" routine ever so he's so horrified he never forgets anything again in case you stage a repeat performance.

Option 1's probably quicker than option 3.

[ChippingIn]

Well, there you go then! I'm sure if you don't have one, someone on here will have a spare one they'd be happy to send you!!

[memoo]

DS would definately be mortified if I took his stuff in a Disney bag!!! Don't think he'd mind me wearing my PJ's though

[ChippingIn]

LOL Missed that bit - that makes me feel a bit better. Kids are growing up so fast, 10 is young enough to be embarrassed by a Disney Bag... 5 was just

[jeee]

ChippingIn - no she's year 5, ie. 10 years old.

[ChippingIn]

Jeee - she's 5 and would be embarrassed by a Disney Princess bag?

I find that really sad :(

[jeee]

My year 5 dd forgot her swimming stuff two weeks on the trot. I told her that if she forgot it again, I'd bring it in in her little sister's disney princess bag. She hasn't forgotten it again.

[DamselInDisgrace]

DS1 is dyspraxic too. Laminated lists don't work either, he forgets to look at them. I get to be nagging mum all the time, and he often tells me off for reminding him AND then forgets to do it anyway. Argh.

[Niecie]

YANBU for not taking the trainers today.

YABU for doing 20 times this term!!

My DS1 has dyspraxia and is cronically disorganised and forgetful but the only time I would take things into school is if he forgot his lunch (not often as he is a boy after my own heart and likes his food) or if he forgot his clarinet for his lesson because I don't want him wasting the music teacher's time.

If I have repeatedly told him to pack things and he hasn't done it then that is up to him. He will have to live with the consequences. He is in Yr 6. Life will not be getting easier if he doesn't start developing his own strategies and stop relying on me when he starts secondary next year.

DS's OT suggested putting a laminated list by the door for him to check on his way out. Perhaps your DS could have something similar then the only thing he has to remember is to check the list!!

[DamselInDisgrace]

Great plan, Hully. It'll be a happy home for you all.

[Hullygully]

Damsel, yes, I think it will be best if they live with me. The girl can cook for the whole family and do the washing and stuff, when she isn't at her high powered job, and I can look after my lovely boy frenziedly.

[ChippingIn]

Put your pyjamas back on and get yourself down to his classroom!

That'll fix his memory!

[ChippingIn]

Yes Kreecher - weird isn't it, completely different set of responses to essentially the same thing!! Just replied to yours actually!

Memoo - you are being really mean not taking them to him, he's only 10.

[DamselInDisgrace]

Hully, you must continue the frienzied whirlwinding after your DS has left home and married the girl of your his choosing. Your future-DIL will love you for it.

[PMTeepee]

Ah but GTN it'll be her problem then

[Hullygully]

Grimma, as I will be carefully handpicking both my dc's spouses, I shall choose wisely, a nice biddable, highly supportive and yet high powered and high earning girly for him, and ditto the dd.

Sorted.

[GrimmaTheNome]

Hully, help in a mad whirlwind frenzy every day.

But don't come whining to us here in years to come when his girlfriend/wife hates you for setting the expectation of unconditional support!

[PMTeepee]

I have baskets and hooks in the kitchen to put all of the stuff needed in the mornings. I put stuff there the night before as I am crap in the mornings. Of course DC's are only 5 and 3 so it's not complicated at the moment. Could you do something like that?

[memoo]

Kreecher, I may well clatter him around the head when he gets home later

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Well, if only I had worded my AIBU the way this OP did rather than mentioning clattering her about the head.
OP, YANBU.

[memoo]

Are you in some kind of pain Hully?

[Hullygully]

lalalalalalala LA LA!

[memoo]

Hully, let him experience the consequences of his own actions and the errors of his ways.