Children's Party Politics

[Zipitydoda]

AIBU not to invite DS whole class to his party? He is in Y1, we are having a party at home and I cannot fit his whole class (30) plus close friends in other classes and outside school in my house.

I feel bad because he wants to invite them all as he says it makes him sad when other people have parties and don't invite him, which I think shows empathy I would like to encourage BUT will be a nightmare in practical terms.

Other children have just girls or boys to their parties but his close friends are a mixture. Or they hire a hall and entertainer and have a huge party. But DS cannot stand these huge parties with disco etc and v loud and spends the whole time in the loo/entrance hall/trying to escape!

I have helped him cut the list down to 30 (20 would have been better) and I feel bad for those not invited and cringe at the school gates.

What do others do?

Have huge hall without loud disco? If he wants all friends I'd let him - it's not nice to be left out.

How many out of the class are not on the list?

I agree with Christmas's question. How many people in his class have not been invited.

I think it's fine to invite say half the class, or just the boys etc. It's definitely not ok to just miss out a few.

Yep, that's where I was going Littlef.

If he's only in Y1 you're making a rod for your own back if you invite whole class - just close friends is the norm unless it's everyone. Anything in between is a recipe for disaster. Good Luck!

Inviting 12 from the class. So 17 not invited.

PinkieMinx - it's not just the disco aspect - the kind of noise you end up with in a party in a hall makes him go kind of weird (have been thinking he might have some sort of actual auditory/sensory problem; it seems painful to him to be in that kind of noise)

Might be worth investigating hyperacoustia zipity.

I agree - 12 is fine.

30 is still alot to have in your house (unless your house is mahsoooooooove). Any chance you could cut the list down further by having a series of small tea & play parties?

My dd is having 10 friends at home for her birthday, and I'm dreading it already!

12 sounds no problem

We just had 10 from a class of 24 (mixed year group class, invited all the girls). This was fine, but I have seen a few similar where just one or two girls are not invited and that makes me even though its not my DD who is not getting invited.

Nope, as others have said, 12 is fine - it's just when 27 are invited out of 30 that is terribly bad form.

What's the invitation-handing-out protocol at your school?

If it's only 12, is it possible to hand them out discreetly to the parents as you see them?

I think I'm out-voted here (so I'm probably BU!) but personally I wouldn't invite just 12 out of 27 unless it was just boys/girls. I'd probably only allow maybe 4 or 5 close friends or all boys/girls or the whole class. I just don't like that vibe where you have a whole bunch who are 'in' and another group that are 'out'.

petelly but they're not the 'in' crowd with everyone - just this little boy - he won't be 'in' with all of them - that's life.

Do you always include every child? Must cost a flippin' fortune!

Petelly; why isn't it the same thing if it's all the boys being excluded or all the girls? - I could never do this as DS is probably friends with equal numbers of girls as boys - he would end up not inviting his best friends to his party because they are the 'wrong' gender.

Cat64; yes I am unstable, bonkers (and pregnant - hence the unstable and bonkers part!)

Thanks Porcelain, I will have a look.

Just because that way a child who's not invited wouldn't feel excluded personally.

But obviously if your DS has close friends of both sexes, then that wouldn't work. My DD (Y2) has asked to have a girls only party because she wants to invite children from other classes as well and it was the only way we could do it without it either being insanely massive or breaking my 'no more than 4 or 5 per class' rule. She has a couple of boys she plays with who aren't invited but they're fine with this because it's a girls' party so nothing personal.

I definitely seem to be minority view - most people think inviting 12 is fine - so I'm probably over-sensitive to children being excluded but I still wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

I have a boy and two girls.
This seems to always be the issue.
So I always stick to ''boy'' themed parties or ''Girl'' themed parties!!

That way it works out roughly half the class, and at that age I think it is fair.

Plus as someone already said ..you invite the whole class this time...then it will be expected every year...nightmare.

My mum always had a rule that if I went to someone's party, then I had to invite them to my next one. And I was only allowed about 8 kids in total to my parties, (I agree that you're mad to have 30 kids in your house!! Lol) so that meant I had to be select in who I invited, and I had to turn down some invitiations. I don't remember anyone feeling 'left out' when they weren't invited, and I was fine about missing other people's parties if they weren't really good friends of mine. My niece is allowed to invite whoever she likes, and go to whoever's parties she wants to, but there is one girl who is never invited, even though she invites my niece to all of her parties. I think that's just mean.