Children's Party Politics

[Zipitydoda]

AIBU not to invite DS whole class to his party? He is in Y1, we are having a party at home and I cannot fit his whole class (30) plus close friends in other classes and outside school in my house.

I feel bad because he wants to invite them all as he says it makes him sad when other people have parties and don't invite him, which I think shows empathy I would like to encourage BUT will be a nightmare in practical terms.

Other children have just girls or boys to their parties but his close friends are a mixture. Or they hire a hall and entertainer and have a huge party. But DS cannot stand these huge parties with disco etc and v loud and spends the whole time in the loo/entrance hall/trying to escape!

I have helped him cut the list down to 30 (20 would have been better) and I feel bad for those not invited and cringe at the school gates.

What do others do?

If you're only inviting half of the class - might be better to ask the teacher if invites can either be discreetly put into bookbags (I've done this before when changing reading books) or if your son can go into class slightly early and post invites into the relevant children's trays. Assuming your child isn't the sort to loudly broadcast "YOU'RE COMING TO MY PARTY BUT I COULDN'T INVITE JACK AND JAMIE" completely obliviously as he gets to the school gates (and Jack and Jamie's mums are inevitably stood right behind)!

If it's 50/50 going/not going - no problem... if it gets to like 75/25 it becomes more unpleasant. If it gets to 98/2... downright nasty.

' But DS cannot stand these huge parties with disco etc and v loud and spends the whole time in the loo/entrance hall/trying to escape!'

Exactly- and it is supposed to be for the DC! Do any of them enjoy them. I never had more than 10 guests-just get your DS to invite close friends. If people didn't go for the madness of whole class parties there wouldn't be an expectation of being invited-and all the upset it causes!
I think that huge parties are for the benefit of the parent.

I agree with a maximum of half the children invited, and half the children not invited.

I also think that parents' need to manage children's expectations so that they do not expect to be invited to every party going. My DD one would probably be disappointed if she was not invited to her best friends party, but beyond that she does not expect an invite and knows that mummies have budgets (and therefore limits on numbers) and this means that she will be invited to some parties but not to others.

I allow my DD to invite up to half the girls and half the boys. When you add in her outside school friends (hobbies, children she has grown up with etc), that soon turns into a party of 30, and I'm struggling to limit numbers, and she still hasn't managed to invite all of her friends!