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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think 12 hours in a car is a pretty miserable way for a 3 yo to spend a weekend with grandma?

46 replies

Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 11:09

Dd1 is supposed to be staying with grandma this weekend. Been planned for ages. She goes once a month or so for a night but this time my mum said she would take her 2 nights to make more of a weekend of it. She hasn't been for ages & this coincided with me needing someone to look after dd so I could volunteer at the nct sale (I'll also have dd2).

My mum lives about 2.5 hrs away. Usually we meet at services halfway but I suggested to my mum that she come just a little bit further & meet us at my MIL's as I now have dd2 7 weeks & don't want to spend 3 hours (round trip) driving.

Anyway my mum has just said that she is picking my sis & nephew up from the airport on Saturday. That is at least 2.5 hrs away from her. So by the time we heve driven to Mil's which is a slight detour, her and my mum driven to mum's, driven to the airport and back then back to ours on Sunday that she will have spent 10-12 hours driving which is a bit crap for a 3 yo. My mum doesn't seem to think anything of it.

I've questioned it & my mum doesn't see the problem , but said she would have her next weekend instead if I would prefer. That's fine but I needed someone to look after dd this weekend. Am now going to have to ask one of my sil's which is what I was going to do anyway buy could have arranged weeks ago if I had known Angry. AIBU to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 11:29

Anyone? Too dull? Grin

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 10/11/2010 11:30

I can see why you wouldn't think it an ideal way for DD1 to spend her time with Grandma, but if you really need her to mind her then its up to Grandma how she spends her time with DD1 (I think).

jybay · 10/11/2010 11:33

Well if I were your mother, I'd tell your sister to arrange her own transport - not do a 5 hour round trip - but that's not really the point. As your mum's doing you a favour, I don't think you can really dictate how she does it.

bigchris · 10/11/2010 11:33

Why do you need someone to have her this weekend? Presumably you'll still have the 7 week baby with you?
I'd definitely cancel and go with next weekend
have you got a dp who could look after her?

cory · 10/11/2010 11:37

Speaking as someone who once took her nearly-2yo on the train to Berlin (17 hr journey each way) I would say it depends on the adult who is taking her- would grandma be able to make this a pleasant experience or not? We often had to travel 6 hours each way to see grandparents at the weekend when dcs were little, but it was the only way they could see their grandparents at all, so seemed worth it, and tbh I don't think dcs suffered. I suffered from the endless talking/storytelling/singing that you had to do to keep them quiet but that is a different matter.

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 11:39

I'm volunteering at the nct sale. I can have dd2 in a sling but it's just too stressful with both of them. The thing is I didn't specifically ask my mum to have dd, was going to ask sil but my mum was supposed to have dd (her choice) a few weeks ago but had to rearrange so I suggested this weekend. To be honest it's not so much the childcare that bothers me just that my mum, who is usually great, doesn't see that this is a bit of a crap way for dd to spend her weekend with grandma.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 11:43

I know if we had to do it it would be fine but she doesn't have to, this is meant to be a fun weekend for her so thing I will reschedule & hope one of my SILs can have dd1 or I will have to take her to the nct sale armed with a laptop and DVDs!

OP posts:
alfabetty · 10/11/2010 11:49

So you'd rather inconvenience your mother and sister and nephew - she's agreed to do the airport run etc - than miss out helping out at the NCT sale....?

I'd give the volunteering a miss, on the basis that it's just not practical this weekend.

BadgerAdrift · 10/11/2010 11:55

It is dull. And YABU.

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 12:06

How am I on inconveniencing anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 12:08

And one of the reasons I help out at the sale is that I get to do shopping in the morning before the sale starts. I need things for dd2 & can't afford to get them new.

OP posts:
LaurieScaryCake · 10/11/2010 12:11

You think your childcare arrangements are more important than your mum picking up your sis from the airport? Hmm

You really think you should dictate how your mum spends her time?

sorry, yabu - either look after your own child or keep schtum about how your mum looks after her.

CerealOffender · 10/11/2010 12:12

yabu - kids love going to teh airport

CerealOffender · 10/11/2010 12:13

forget the nct sale and go to matalan (snigger)

mazzystartled · 10/11/2010 12:13

well your mum's tuck between a rock and a hard place isn't she?

because presumably your sister needs her help too?

yep it's a bit crap for your dd1 but your mum's trying to do her best for everyone.

if SIL can have her it's no biggie is it? really?

fel1x · 10/11/2010 12:13

What time is the pick up on Saturday? If its evening then DD will just sleep in the car both ways probably and wont even know she has done the additional time in the car!

If not, then just arrange for SIL to have her instead if its your preference that she doesnt go with your Mum in the car.

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 12:15

Erm no I don't think my childcare arrangements are more important than my mum going to the airport. Is there anywhere on this thread that I have demanded that my mum refuse to pick my sister up? And by all means have an opinion but please don't be so rude.

OP posts:
jeee · 10/11/2010 12:16

My three eldest children always slept in the car. If your DD1 sleeps I don't see any problem. But in any case, your mum sounds a saint, child minding for you, taxi-ing your sister.

So you have two options. You either accept your DD will spend a long time in the car, or you don't send her to your mum's. Either way, don't try and guilt trip your mum for trying to help out your sister as well as you.

MsKalo · 10/11/2010 12:17

Get your SIL to have her as that long in a car is no fun for your poor DD. Then rearrange for grandma to have her another time

MmeLindt · 10/11/2010 12:17

I do agree with you that it is a crap way for her to spend her Grandma weekend.

BUT - she will get a trip to an airport which is exciting - and she will see her cousins, also exciting, no?

MmeLindt · 10/11/2010 12:19

And I have to say, you are getting a bit of a hard time here.

I understood it that your mum likes having your DD occasionally for the weekend, not that you are dumping your DD on your poor stressed out mum.

Does your DD sleep in the car? Mine would, and then not sleep at night. Might be hard on your mum.

mazzystartled · 10/11/2010 12:19

the ONLY way to get anything decent at an NCT sale is to volunteer and get first dibs. and that with 2 kids in tow would be v stressful.

do you have an OH bumper? can he/she not have your DD? and yes it must be irritating, but you may find yourself in yer mum's shoes, wanting to help out two daughters/grandkids with conflicting plans in 20 or so years time......

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 12:20

The annoying thing is I could have arranged for my sils to have dd weeks ago. Now one can't do it. Waiting to hear from the other. I didn't specifically ask my mum. She wanted to have dd & I said this weekend would be helpful. If I'd known she was going to spend it driving I wouldn't have agreed. She already has a crap enough time at home since we have had dd2, I want her to have a fun time with grandma.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 10/11/2010 12:26

Dh is working unfortunately. Believe me my mum doesn't 'child mind'. She makes it very clear she has dd because she wants to & that's fine.

I'm just surprised she doesn't see a problem with all that driving. Plus I've done 5 hours in the car with dd a few times, the first three are fine, by the end I want to drive the car over a cliff!

OP posts:
deepheat · 10/11/2010 12:28

I can understand why you don't think DC would enjoy 12 hours in a car over the weekend, but YABU if you're automatically expoect your Mum to feel exactly the same way. It sounds to me like she is trying to do her best for you and for your sister. Bearing that in mind, I'd have thought she'll try and do her best for your DC as well.

I certainly wouldn't expect your Mum to change her plans rather than you give up the volunteering.