The age old Christmas debate...

[Pinkjenny]

OK, so, here are the facts so far:

Dh (has one older brother with a ds and dd)
Me (only child)
Dd 3.7yo
Ds 11mo
MIL and FIL (live hour and a quarter away)
My aunt (always does Christmas at her large house)

When dh and I were childfree , we used to alternate Christmas Day. Since we had dd, Christmas has been spent thus:

2007 My family (us, mum and dad, aunty, cousins, nan and grandad)
2008 Dh's parents attended my family Christmas - it was a little awkward, tbh
2009 My family Christmas (ds was 2 weeks old and v. poorly, so thank God we were near home)

So, now dd is 3.7, she is very excited about Christmas, and I want to go wherever she will enjoy it the most, regardless of what we've done in the past.

The ideal scenario in my eyes would be to spend it with MIL and FIL, with BIL and SIL and their dc, who dd loves, and whom are her age.

However, SIL's father is undergoing chemo, so they are unsure about what is happening at Christmas. SIL is very insular anyway, and her preferred Christmas Day is with the dc at home, with no guests, regardless of what's happening with her dad.

Dh is worried that his mum and dad will be on their own on Christmas Day (despite MIL's protestations that she's not bothered, whether you believe that or not).

If BIL and SIL are not going to be at MIL's house, then I think we should spend Christmas Day with my family, whom are a little more, erm, excitable, shall we say? MIL and FIL are steady, to say the least, and dd would be bored to tears spending Christmas Day just with them.

Dh has suggested that we change tradition and have my parents, along with his parents to our house. I cannot get him to understand, that my extended family (and by that I mean my nan and grandad, and my aunt etc) would be really upset about this, and I know my mum wouldn't consider it, and I understand why.

So, we are at a stalemate. I just want dd to enjoy herself, and if her cousins were going to be there, then I would absolutely go to MIL and FIL's house. But it seems that they're not, and I don't want Christmas Day to be spent staring at the in-laws, and watching the tv.

AIBU????

I am gently introducing her to the idea that I am cooking dinner. She is silent on the subject at the moment.

She might not actually mind you know. Some people don't.

And BIL/SIL are perfectly wthint heir rights to spend Christmas Day on their own. They should not feel pressured to have to change their idea of a nice Cristmas either. I do just that, with DH and DD and we have a really lovely day. It is our day to relax, have fun, have no stresses and no rushing about. We have no intention of changing that any time soon unless we find we need to if a parent is left alone, etc.

Can you hve Christmas morning with PILs, and Christmas lunch - if that is what they and you prefer, and then spend the later afternoon and evening with your family?

Hulababy - of course bil and sil are entitled to do as they please. Anyway, it's sorted now, I will do the dinner. And the reason I don't want to go out late afternoon/evening is because ds is still only little and will be beside himself by 6pm.

I have major hang-ups about disrupting his sleep routine, even for one day, as dd has never slept through. Ever. I need to keep my one sleeping child's routine as it is, lest I lose my marbles.

Yay - well done I think you've made the right choice. I'm sure your mum will come round and either join you or at least stop sulking

Good luck with the cooking!

I am seriously p-d off now. Just spoken to my mum who was, on the surface, fine about it, but she really annoyed me. I said, 'Well, I'd invite them to aunt's, but it didn't really work'. Mum said, 'Well that wouldn't be fair on aunt, I mean, they're your relations, not hers'. I mumbled something about the reason why we can't have everyone together is because of the lack of flexibility in my family, and the fact that we always have to go to my bloody aunt's!

I am seriously, seriously hacked off now. Apologies if the above doesn't make sense, it just feels a bit like my 'poor' aunt is the one who this is all for and contingent on.

Btw - I don't actually call her 'aunt'

Did your father´s parents have every Christmas with your aunt?

Sorry, but Christmas with ILs tends to come with the territory

Have you ever had a Christmas with just you & them?

Never had a Christmas with just us and them. My dad isn't especially close to his mum, but she goes off to my dad's sisters for a few days over Christmas anyway.

It's the 'poor aunt' connotations that are really winding me up.

Unless everyone gets on,you do tend to end up alternating between parents.

Anyway, even if everyone does get on, there´s no reason why ILs shouldn´t have a Christmas with their son, his wife & their children, without their DILs parents always being in the picture!

I know, I hate upsetting my mum anyone, though.

Hahaha, beloved aunt!!!

Look on the bright side: Be grateful that both sets of parents are still together so you only have two families to worry about, not four!!!

nattiecake - genuinely, I applaud anyone who has to deal with this level of drama times two. Or four.

"I know, I hate upsetting my mum anyone, though."

But she´s an adult.

She can surely cope without her adult daughter on CD, especially when she will be with other family?

And really,you shouldn´t see it as upsetting her imo.

It´s not a deliberate snub, you have other commitments.

I would blame it all on the aunt.

And this is why we have Christmas Day on our own, right from the first year we moved in together, before DD as around. We knew we never wanted to ever deal with this kind of hassle, deciding where to go, not wanting to upset people, having to drive about, etc.

Christmas Day is supposed to be a lovely, happy, relaxed fun day IMO.

Can't you make the most of it and leave PIL to babysit for a few hours while you go over to "aunt"'s house?