to sell some family jewellery to pay for my wedding ring

[ElSkintos]

Name changed for this, not sure why, but I feel a bit guilty...

I'm getting married to my lovely DP next year. We have saved and are still saving, and have had some financial help from family (not asked for) but despite this the costs seem to be getting a little out of control. Mostly it's me completely underestimating what things actually cost.

Whilst we are cutting back where we can to keep in budget, one area that I'm struggling with is my wedding band.

I don't want to scrimp or get something that doesn't look right as, out of all the parts of the wedding, it's the aspect (along with the marriage) that will be there for the rest of my life. I think I'm looking at around £1000 for the ring I want, way over the £500 I had (naively) budgeted. The main cost restiction is the fact I have a platinum engagement ring so need to match the metal, and it is a lot more expensive than I realised.

I have a few items of jewellery from a great aunt that died when I was 15. I didn't know her well and had only met her a few times. She didn't have children, and left all her belongings to my DF and his DB, splitting the jewellery between them. It's kind of complicated because the jewellery I had was actually left to my DM (no idea if it was in the will or specified verbally) but she had just left my DF at the time GA died. My DF was very upset and passed it onto me. I think my DM was aware it was meant for her and knows i have it, but I think felt she had no right to it. I have worn most of the jewellery throughout the years.

I don't have a close relationship with my DF, but I'm not sure if I would be massively out of order to consider selling some of the jewellery (actually, just a ring that I do like, have tried to wear, but it's too big and gave me eczema. It can't be altered because of the way the diamonds are set). If I'm honest I don't feel any emotional attachment to it, and in some ways feel that perhaps it's kind of like recycling if it helps me get my wedding ring?

Hmm, I actually feel more uncomfortable about it writing it down, but is it a waste to have it just sitting there?

AIBU?

YANBU but you may wish to speak to your dm if you want to avoid a conflict. I would sell it. Look at it as your dga's wedding gift.
YABU to think £1000 is needed for your wedding ring, but if you want to spend £1000 and you have the resources to do so then I don't see why you can't.

i dont think you are BU. Every time you look at your wedding band you will remember the ring you 'recycled' to get it. just because you dont have the physical item of jewellery anymore doesnt mean you will forget about it or the story behind it. it is an item that you cannot wear and you will be using it to get you something you would always wear. i would probably do the same thing :)

Talk to your father but if he says no to you selling it you have to respect that.

FWIW I was given, rather than willed, something from someone it had been willed too and I sold it. Didn't feel guilty. I needed the money more than the item.

Sorry but I do feel that it is a bit off to sell these items which were left to you. I personally wouldn't sell them.

£500 is enough to buy a platinum wedding band as well so can't you buy one for this amount or save up some more between now and then as you have a while before you get married.

YANBU to sell it to somebody who will love and wear it.
YABU £1000 for a wedding ring

1k for a wedding ring?

We used this company for our rings.

I wonder if you will always feel guilty that you sold the jewellery when you look at your ring?

There is plenty of time yet to look for another ring or save some more.

I have a platinum engagement ring. My wedding ring is a plain white gold band - £15 from Argos - they actually match really well! I was heavily pregnant when I got married so bought that ring as a bit of a temporary measure, as I couldn't bear to wear any jewellery when I was pregnant. I thought it would do for the day, and that I would replace it with something 'nicer' later on. However, it looks fine so has stayed!

I don't think you are being unreasonable to to recycle the jewellery (and it could be a lovely way for a family story / memory to be passed down), but £1000 for a wedding ring - really?? I think it is easy, when caught up in wedding planning, to get used to spending vast amounts of money for everything - a wedding ring needn't cost that much!

I think you should sound our family out about it. They might think it's a lovely idea.

Just to explain the £1k thing - a plain band seems to be around £600 - because of the shape of my engagement ring it needs to be bespoke to fit (or would just look stupid). It needs to be platinum apparently or the two different metals would wear each other? That's what I've been told? Have you noticed any problems 2ticks? Otherwise white gold would really help with the cost.

I also want some diamonds in it - it's hard to explain without showing my engagement ring, but the plain band to fit didn't look right, kind of chunky...

and phipps - do not have a great relationship with DF so don't really want to even mention it. If the jewellery is actually ethically mine (I know my DM would see it as so) then am I under any obligation to him? If he said no because of 'family values' I'd be a bit because he doesn't exactly demonstrate it to me very well...

Oh and thanks for the link danceinthedark I'll check it out

I would just sell the ring and enjoy the lovely wedding band you buy instead.

Argh OK now I'm confused - where is everyone finding these super cheap rings??

Can you use the diamonds you already have in the new ring.

I sold my great grandmother's jewellery to buy my son a slalom boat

It was a load of Victorian stuff I never wore and I asked my mum if she'd mind - she thought it was great to make sensible use of the money.

Sell the jewellery and get your ring. You will be wearing it for years to come and enjoy it mor ethan the old stuff.

2ticks I think I had the same one it looked just as good and didn't have the funds for anything else at the time.

OK I don't feel guilty any more! Hurrah! Thanks everyone

Your wedding ring plan sounds nice.

Go for it, sell the jewellery.

Oh and deste probably not, they are a bit too big (not great quality either I suspect)

BTW OP you do need a platinum wedding band if you have a platinum engagement band - our jeweller (who actually made jewellery v's salesperson who doesn't know anything about jewellery) told us the same thing re metals wearing differently based on their "strength".

A grand for a wedding ring???!

Should your wedding ring not be your future dh's concern to get instead of selling off family heirlooms from your side?
Kind of ruins the symbolism?

My wedding certainly wasn't done on a budget my dress was £2.5k but the wedding ring was less than a hundred.
Surely it's just a plain of plain gold ?

I see your point Zondra but we are going to go and choose our bands together. We are both saving as much as we can for the wedding so not sure how DP would find any extra just from him to sneak off and get it.

Not sure why that ruins the symbolism?