to sell some family jewellery to pay for my wedding ring

[ElSkintos]

Name changed for this, not sure why, but I feel a bit guilty...

I'm getting married to my lovely DP next year. We have saved and are still saving, and have had some financial help from family (not asked for) but despite this the costs seem to be getting a little out of control. Mostly it's me completely underestimating what things actually cost.

Whilst we are cutting back where we can to keep in budget, one area that I'm struggling with is my wedding band.

I don't want to scrimp or get something that doesn't look right as, out of all the parts of the wedding, it's the aspect (along with the marriage) that will be there for the rest of my life. I think I'm looking at around £1000 for the ring I want, way over the £500 I had (naively) budgeted. The main cost restiction is the fact I have a platinum engagement ring so need to match the metal, and it is a lot more expensive than I realised.

I have a few items of jewellery from a great aunt that died when I was 15. I didn't know her well and had only met her a few times. She didn't have children, and left all her belongings to my DF and his DB, splitting the jewellery between them. It's kind of complicated because the jewellery I had was actually left to my DM (no idea if it was in the will or specified verbally) but she had just left my DF at the time GA died. My DF was very upset and passed it onto me. I think my DM was aware it was meant for her and knows i have it, but I think felt she had no right to it. I have worn most of the jewellery throughout the years.

I don't have a close relationship with my DF, but I'm not sure if I would be massively out of order to consider selling some of the jewellery (actually, just a ring that I do like, have tried to wear, but it's too big and gave me eczema. It can't be altered because of the way the diamonds are set). If I'm honest I don't feel any emotional attachment to it, and in some ways feel that perhaps it's kind of like recycling if it helps me get my wedding ring?

Hmm, I actually feel more uncomfortable about it writing it down, but is it a waste to have it just sitting there?

AIBU?

mama I have explained why it's not just a plain band of gold above (blame DP for getting me a platinum non-normal shaped engagement ring!)

I don't think I could ever sell something that was passed onto me. I am very sentimental though, so perhaps someone who wasn't like me could do it. No judgement, I just know I couldn't. I would feel guilty every time I looked at my wedding ring, and that would not be a feeling I would want associated with such a special piece of jewellery.

I really don't think you can do this without checking with your dad. Is he coming to your wedding? And giving you away? I think if you have any kind of relationship with him, you need to sound him out on it. I don't think it's your mums place to give you permission, since it was not her family it was passed down from IYSWIM.

If your dad does approve of you selling the ring, deste has a great idea (using the existing diamonds). This would cut down on costs, as well as grease the wheels as far as your dad is concerned.

I haven't noticed any problems with the metals wearing each other - only 6 years on though! I guess if it happens it would be the platinum that would wear down the gold as platinum is the harder metal? In my case, if the gold band did get worn down, then I imagine I'll be able to stretch to another £15 Argos one to replace it with when the time comes...

Obviously this won't be so simple if you are having a bespoke ring - don't think that Argos does a bespoke range!!

I do love the idea of recycled jewellery though - I have my grandmother's engagement ring that I might do something with one of these days...

Palladium is cheaper than platinum but looks exactly the same and is in fact from the same alloy family.

Sorry am knackered ignore me lol

I also think that perhaps getting your heirloom jewellery remodelled may be the way to go also. Diamond set wedding bands can be very nice.

If the jewellery is gold and you are bothered about the mismatching colours then do not worry.

You an actually have your gold jewellery rhodium plated which makes it look exactly the same as platinum.

Rhodium plate is actually used on platinum and silver rings anyway as it is what gives the ring the great shine, without it the metal can be quite dull and tarnish easily.

Rhodium plate does not last for ever, if you were wearing the rings every day I would expect to have to get it redone once or twice a year depending on how hard you are on your hands.

Cost should be about £30 for one ring but if it's done by the jewellery who remodelled your ring then quite often they will do it for free or for a fiver.

Oh I am a jeweller by the way just in case you thought I was talking claptrap!

Hmm I do like the idea of getting the ring remodelled, but it is white gold and the diamonds are too big to go with the engagement ring (it is a pretty chunky ring tbh) so I don't think it would work. Unless diamonds can be cut smaller, but is that complete madness?

My engagement ring is platinum and so is my wedding band.

I had it specially made by a little jeweller in the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham. Cost £500.

oh and bethel I thought that platinum didn't have to be rhodium plated and that was the appeal of it? i.e. less maintenance than white gold?

It's probably not worth getting the stones cut smaller- but the setting that you are looking for your ring will dictate what you can and cannot do.

You might find, depending on the cut, that instead of using all the stones you could use a few channel set to frame your engagement ring.

What shape is your engagement ring? Is it marquis cut?

You may find that you get a better deal from the jeweller that your DF bought your engagement ring from as well. They like keeping the business.

Strictly speaking, nothing NEEDS to be rhodium plated but the majority of all new platinum jewellery is. It's just the standard. It's not something that's advertised it's just an industry standard en generale. But all white coloured metals do look better, more shiny, reflective etc with a fresh plating on them.

White gold is slightly more malleable than platinum so it's fair to assume that the rhodium plate would wear a bit faster.

But as an example, my mother wears a white gold emerald 3 stone and her platinum diamond set wedding band together. She gets her rings rhodium plated twice a year, or once if she's being lazy. The only places where she notices any wear tend to be on the sides of the fingers where it makes contact with skin and on the inside of the ring itself. There doesn't tend to be any great noticeable difference between the two though even at their worst.

Hmm I think it is brilliant cut, but it is tension set and the shape of the actual ring around the diamond is very thin. Hard to explain, but the diamon is flush with the top of the ring, and the edge of the diamond overhangs at the top and bottom kind of 'suspended' there.

I really haven;t explained that well.

It's a designer ring and the designer quoted £1500 for a plain platinum band to fit

I know what kind of ring that you mean.
Am I right in thinking that to fit around it you would have to cut a horseshoe into the band or would it be a deep V?

Ahh you'll be paying for the designer nametag then unfortunately ;)

I would recommend speaking to a local jewellers (not Ernest Jones or the like who will extort you) and you will surprised at how much you can get for your money. Most would rather make a couple of hundred quid profit on rings (which I think is fair) - rather than nothing at all. Especially in this difficult trading period.

If you have the metal and stones then the only thing you are paying for is the craftsmanship and any additional metal that needs to be added if need be.

The quality of the shop that I work in is fabulous (but not in your area most likely! Glasgow) and is akin to more trusted brands like 'The Ringmaker' etc but is monumentally cheaper because you aren't paying for branding.

Have a look around and make some enquiries, they don't cost anything!

Hi, I know what you mean about the ring needing to fit. I have a marquise cut solitaire. I needed a wishbone wedding ring - a straight band wouldn't fit, also bespoke to fit the shape of the solitaire. I also had mine diamond set with 9 little diamonds. I had yellow gold.

I think selling the ring is fine.

I have my mother's engagement and wedding rings from when she married my dad. I've asked her if I can sell the engagement ring to start baby's bank account off and she thought it was a great idea. I keep her plain gold wedding ring cos it fits me and when I go on holiday or into London I don't like wearing my diamonds.

Hope other people don't think I'm showing off, not trying to, and far from loaded myself. Just had a few similar experiences. Was v lucky with wedding and engagement ring DH fancied me for 2 yrs before I split up from exbf and had been saving since then just in case we split up!

bethel it needs to be a wishbone shape, but because the width of the engagement ring band dips down to 1mm a normal wishbbone looks too thick and chunky, so I want to have one that is a twist so it looks thinner. I've tried a few off the shelf and they don't sit right at all, it's a pretty unusual design.

I'll have a think about talking to my DF about selling the ring. I'm just wary of the can of worms it will open if he says no...

Or actually yes, I guess a shallow horseshoe might actually be a better description

Get a white gold ring, you don't need them both to be platinum. Really.

My mother's engagement ring was platinum, the wedding band white gold. I don't think she ever got anything plated, and wore it over 22 years.

If you haven't got the cash to pay for it, you would be silly to stretch and sell stuff to fund it.

Keep the heirlooms for something really important. that £1000 you spend on a designer ring is never going to be worth anything near it if you resell it later.

I have a plain platinum band that was much cheaper, but then I'm not a ring person, don't have an engagement ring and wanted something basic that I don't notice. To me a grand on a ring sounds mad.
I would have no quarms about selling off jewellery I didn't like and which didn't fit me.
If I leave any jewellery to anyone they are free to do with it as they see fit. It's just "stuff" after all.

A 'wishbone' tends to be a lot deeper than a 'horseshoe' ifyswim. But very dramatic if done properly.

Either way, no matter the outcome you have plenty of options. And to be honest, both of them are fun when you get into it.

But £1500 for a plain platinum band is ludicrous. I'd expect it to be harvested from a unicorn for that price.

Remember that all the prices are a lot higher at the moment as well due to inflation so shop around to get a good deal or you might find that in a few years that you have a ring that isn't worth what you paid for it.

My wedding ring cost £39. Still shiny and pretty 13 years later. You do not have to spend £1000 and if you haven't got that much without selling something that was actually meant to go to your MOTHER (divorce or not) I think you should rein in your ambitions.

I had a "bespoke" wedding ring too, but in plain gold. I went to a local independent jeweller and they designed a very irregular wavy shape that snugly fitted alongside my engagement ring, and it was not expensive, about £400 (can't remember exactly).

This was not the place I had bought the engagement ring from - so don't think it has to be "designer" to match your engagement ring - any jeweller can do it.

Quite right MrsDepp.... to be fair, Jewellery is not rocket science- so the world is not going to end if two things aren't from the same maker!

YANBU

My engagement ring is platnium and when we went to h sauel to eget our wedding rings i kept repeating to myself that i would t skim on price and i would get platnium. I couldnt do it, it would have been nearly £800 instead i went for Palladium and got both of ours for under £400

I did look into white gold but was told it was not good with platnium.

Palladium has been touted by the industry magazines etc as being the 'Next Big Thing' in jewellery.

Given that it is substantially cheaper than platinum but equally, if not more, durable as well as not tarnishing at all in air.

If I were looking for a new ring, that is what I would go for.

I had no idea that platinum needed regular re-plating! I'll stick to gold, thanks.