to think my ex is wrong for leaving our children on their own?

[moirasings]

I have shared custody of my children with my ex. (It seemed like a good idea at the time.) They are 11 and 8 years old. I just recently found out he has been leaving them home alone while he goes to the shops etc. I have just started leaving our oldest alone for short periods of time by himself and I don't feel comfortable with him having that amount of responsibility. My ex disagrees and says he will continue doing it. AIBU? Even if other parents feel comfortable with their 11 year olds babysitting a younger sibling surely my views should count for something? I am their Mum after all. I think in another year or so it will be okay, but I just think he's too young, and it's not fair on him.

How long is it for?

He says 5 - 10 mins, children say 20 mins. Not long.

He is their parent, they are in his charge when he has them and you should probably trust his judgement unless you have good reason to doubt it based on past history. You can't expect him to run every parenting decision past you in advance although it might have been polite to mention it rather than you find out (presumably) from the children. You can't be in control of the children 24/7

if it is the shop next door and he is gone for 5 minutes then you may be BU

if he goes off to do the weekly shop at tescos then YANBU

my main concern would be what would your eldest do if there was an emergency or if your XP didnt come home, has he prepared them for emergencies?

Am not 100% sure, but I think there was a similar thread on here a while back and someone pointed out that it's against the law for children of that age to be left alone. But I may not be remembering right. That's happening a fair bit today!

I asked a similar question a while back - there is no law and I leave my 13, 11 and 8 year old for a few hours and my 11 and 8 yr old for short periods like nipping to the local shop - depends on the child though tbh.

20 mins is not unreasonable at that age. And yes, of course your views should count for something but so should his as their father.

2blessed it is not against the law. It is up to the parents as far as the law is concerned.

OP I tihnk as he (their dad) is in charge it is up to him, they are both old enough to cope for 20 minutes on their own in the house.

Maybe a good compromise would be for your ex to let someone else know when he leaves the house (his parents maybe, or even you) and ask them to ring the house or him in 20 minutes to check that he has made it home. My biggest worry when leaving DS alone is that something will happen to me while out, and no one would know and DS would be all alone for god knows how long. I always call my mum and ask her to call me in 20 minutes to check that I am back home.

As I said I may not be remembering right - that's fine. Especially since it means I don't need to feel like a criminal when I nip to shop for some bananas in a minute!

Are they upset about it?

TBH 20 minutes I would say is a reasonable length of time for him to make a decision over. If ti were going to be a couple of hours each visit then yes your views would be very important.

If the dc are happy enough and it is no longer than 20/30 mins I think YABU, sorry.

I'd say as long as your DC are happy with it 20/30 minutes alone is fine during the day

During the day to pop to the local shop then I don't see a problem with that.

It is illegal. You cannot leave a child under 12 with someone younger than 16. You could report him to social services if you wanted.

classy - it's not illegal

I would do this for short periods. If they're reasonably sensible.

Depends on the child - I could have happily left my DD on her own at 8. My DS on the other hand - who is now 9 - well it isn't always safe leaving him in another room on his own!

Friend was "shopped" to the SS by the job centre because she was leaving her 2 at home to go to work - with next door neighbour "keeping an eye" - but neighbour basically still in her own house - SS weren't bothered - said it was parent's discretion.

Depends on the child - I could have happily left my DD on her own at 8. My DS on the other hand - who is now 10 - well it isn't always safe leaving him in another room on his own!

Friend was "shopped" to the SS by the job centre because she was leaving her 2 at home to go to work - with next door neighbour "keeping an eye" - but neighbour basically still in her own house - SS weren't bothered - said it was parent's discretion.

not a problem,people mollycoddle kids so much.
god at that age my sister and I often didnt see our parents all day.

Younger I would worry but at that age no problem at all.

lol whoknows at the irony of your post on here about mollycoddling kids and you not seeing your parents all day.

and on the big family thread saying they wouldn't get enough time with the parent

(not stalking you honest just jumped from one thread to another)

It's not illegal to leave a child at home alone. This is from the NSPCC website.

"The law does not set a minimum age at which children can be left alone. However, it is an offence to leave a child alone when doing so puts him or her at risk."

It all depends on how responsible the child is. Some children will be okay some won't. In this case it's up to your husband to make the decision when they're in his care.

I think it's fine for a short trip too.
I am wondering at what age people would be comfortable putting their dc in a taxi on their own?
I suggested that the ex pop my 2 in a cab (10 and 12) for a 10 min journey back to me at xmas so he can still have a drink but he said no way!

I think that's OK. I leave my 9yr old for 10-15 minutes and have done for a couple of years.

If its only for 20 minutes or so then YABU