to be annoyed with mil over taking xmas present idea?

[soakingfromtheschoolrun]

About a month ago my mil asked if she should get ds2 a play kitchen for xmas, I laughed and said 'Actually, thats what we decided to get him'. No problem, she would choose something else, she said.

On Saturday dp got a phone call from Mil saying she was just back from toysrus and that she had got ds2 a kitchen, and that if I wanted we could get him one for our house as she was keeping that one their.

When he got off the phone and told me, I said 'We better think of something else then as no point him getting two kitchen, as we a lot so he will have the use of it, and we go to their house on xmas day after opening presents and he would get two in a row' but I was annoyed that she had ignored our conversation.

Dp then went in a huff and stormed off as he is a big mummys boy

So, aibu in being annoyed that she has gone ahead and bought this when it was one of my only ideas, and considering this is not a once off, she and fil are in no means hard up, and often buy both boys whatever we have said we are getting them without asking me if we have even got them, and would it be okay.

I'm not ungrateful in the least, (although it sounds it ) just annoyed she has disragarded everything i said.

Sits back waiting to be flamed

I'd be tempted to still get him the kitchen.
Chances are he'll say "oh Nana - I've already got one of these"! when he opens hers later.

I had thought of doing that Zombie.

When I was younger my parents told both sets of grandparents that they could spend a maximum of £20 on each of us (this was over 20 years ago) so that gift buying didn't get out of hand and we weren't spoiled. (All relatives were asked not to spend more than a set amount.) If a wealthier relative wanted to spend more they were told that they could put money in our post office accounts for our future or take us to a panto before Christmas or a trip out later in the year.

Our "main present" came from Father Christmas so there was no argument about "glory stealing" on the present front!

moral defective - just tell her it's great that it is m&s because that means she can take it back now to get the money back and get a present that your dd would like - no point her having 2 dressing gowns and your mum disappointing her with an m&s one if you know that you are getting her one soon-- have already got her the one she really wants

Turns out she bought the EXACT one we told her we were getting, and I just cannot think of anything else he wants. When I ask him he says 'kitchen'

Also dp snopped on mn, found this thread and said I was ungrateful!

soaking Doesn't sound like your ungrateful just frustrated with someone who's trying oneupmanship on you. Most men never can imagine their mother being in the wrong.

next time i'd just tell her you were buying something else on the list, or if the dc write lists get them to write seperate lists and just show her one.

Thankfully i don't have this problem i just tell my parents what to get, and if my mil wants to actually buy something (usually puts money into account) i'll give her an idea. Good Luck - might be an idea to go shopping one weekend see what he likes or "accidently" leave a toy catalogue out.

Yanbu, your mil is.

Your dh needs to cut the apron strings too. Ungrateful my arse.

Annoying, but she has said she'll keep it at hers. A play kitchen is such a great toy it's a good idea to have one at each house if he's there a lot. So long as he opens yours first then it'll be hers that is the disappointment - if it is.

So she's got DS a present but he isn't allowed to take it home? that's just stupid. YANBU there is really no point having 2 kitchens imo. Sounds like she never intended to go along with you. My MIL did something similar last winter with DD. I'd brought DD a coat for winter. MIL bought her 2 more coats can't think why any child needs 3 coats....

saffy85
So she's got DS a present but he isn't allowed to take it home?

We use to have this with IL first few years before we insisted on Christmas being for us.

MIL used to give them toys as presents then insist they had to stop at her house. This was odd as due to distance and circumstances we rarely visit them they tend to come to us. DH did pack odd one or two up on the qt but they got wise and put them away before he could. She apparently brings them out for visitors.

OP is your DP like mine - leaving all the thinking and shopping up to you? So not realizing all the work involved.

I would get a kitchen too. DS won't mind at all having a kitchen in two houses, and as long as he 'opens' yours first, he won't be too excited when he sees hers (initially) so you will get one over on her anyway! And next year tell her you've no idea what you are getting the children yet (when she asks)

masco just remembered something that still makes me my MIL wanted at one point to buy DD her first bike. Great me and her dad thought, first bike is a big thing to a child and how generous of MIL to offer to buy it. Except it came with one stipulation: this bike was to stay at inlaws house. Inlaws live nearly 300 miles away. We visit them approx once a year wtf is the point of that?! maybe it was a hint to visit them more often? I dont know but I hate presents that come with conditions.

Like MooMoo's idea of getting in there first and OP giving DS her kitchen first.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about this. We've hardly any money for Christmas this year so I'd love it if the dc could receive nice presents from somebody. I wouldn't feel the need to take the credit!

I've not encourageded them to write/dictate(!) a Christmas list this year because I can't risk them asking for anything expensive.

However, I can imagine it could be irritating if you were gazumped everytime.

Glad my relatives are sane and sensible, even my exe's.
Must admit I would never want my daughter to have a "play" kitchen. Kitchens aren't fun toys they're for interesting cooking or tedious chores depending on what mood I'm in. They definitely aren't toys. When she was young if she wanted kitchen experience she could come and make biscuits in the real kitchen. She didn't have "toy vaccuum cleaners" or "toy ironing boards" either.
If a grandparent did this I'd be asking (or getting ex to ask) what they are playing at as kids don't need 2 of anything, apart from clothing like pyjamas etc. I would phone up and experess my displeasure, but come on, it can't be hard to think of something more exciting than a kitchen! Give her something she can really play with, you don't have to stereotype her with domestic crap just because she is female.

2rebecca- the OP's child is a boy, if I've read correctly.

Oops, just seen it's a him. I still think a play kitchen is a crap idea for a present.
Can't you buy him stuff like a real ice cream maker or a load of ingredients and cookery books suitable for small sprog for making real food with. Waffle makers and waffle ingredients are another idea. Lidl was selling cheap waffle makers earlier in the year. Making real food is much more fun.

I am in nearly the same situation! I told my stepmother (sort off!) I was getting dd roller skates and that I had got a dolls house second hand for xmas and I was going to do it up, paint it etc. Like you I didnt really know what to get her other than this as she has tons of toys and we havent a lot of money so thought it would be a nice idea. She went out and bought her the exact roller skates the same day and gave dd them straight away! Then a few weeks later she reeled off a list off presents she had bought dd, a bike, dolls etc and you guessed it, a brand new expensive doll house bought that week . I told her again thats what I got her and she just smirked. I know shes just trying to outdo me, we dont really get on. We will see my dad and her on xmas day too so dd will get up, open a few presents here then go to her house and have loads of toys etc to open, better than we can afford. If I say anything I will look ungrateful and nobody else heard me mention it (more than once!) so prob wont believe me but I am really gutted as its the first xmas she will really understand (shes 3). I am still giving her the dolls house I bought as its looking really lovely and I have put a lot of effort in, her doll house will be sent to my mothers as I know it will piss sm off (evil cackle!) In any case I dont want to buy stacks of tat just so dd will have more to open from us than them but I cant help nut feel a bit down about it, pathetic as it is!

I'd be livid at that and having words with my dad, and telling him her actions make me want to have little to do with either of them. At least you know in future years to have very little to do with your stepmother and not to tell her what you are buying your daughter.
I'm a stepmother but she sounds more stupid than anything. The last thing I'd want to do is piss my stepdaughter off about her kids when she has any as she has control over when her dad and I would see them.

I have avoided telling my MiL for years what we're buying DSs or even DH. For the first few years we were together she would buy a version, if not the same of what I'd told her I was buying DH. In one instance she bought him what I'd told her my mum was buying him. It took a few years but I've learnt my lesson.

YANBU

Yanbu my mum does this with everyones presents and it's ultra annoying! I don't tell her anymore.
wiggles my dds got that sizzle grill thing for their birthdays this year and really love it. They also got the play washing machine and love that so those could be good shouts op.

I know 2rebecca, my dad is very much under the thumb, he truly needs to grow a pair although I dont think he knows what a schemer she is! I dont let them look after dd for various reasons so I think the excessive presents are a way of getting control. I dont ask them for anything or need them really, so it makes me feel like I owe them something when she buys dd loads of stuff. Usually its stuff like sweets etc, which she isnt really allowed. At halloween she told my db, "this will wind her (me) up", when she bought dd masses of disgusting sweets so I know the doll house thing is just to piss me off. I am seeing them his week, may tell her to take it back and keep the money as it will be a waste.