to be annoyed with mil over taking xmas present idea?

[soakingfromtheschoolrun]

About a month ago my mil asked if she should get ds2 a play kitchen for xmas, I laughed and said 'Actually, thats what we decided to get him'. No problem, she would choose something else, she said.

On Saturday dp got a phone call from Mil saying she was just back from toysrus and that she had got ds2 a kitchen, and that if I wanted we could get him one for our house as she was keeping that one their.

When he got off the phone and told me, I said 'We better think of something else then as no point him getting two kitchen, as we a lot so he will have the use of it, and we go to their house on xmas day after opening presents and he would get two in a row' but I was annoyed that she had ignored our conversation.

Dp then went in a huff and stormed off as he is a big mummys boy

So, aibu in being annoyed that she has gone ahead and bought this when it was one of my only ideas, and considering this is not a once off, she and fil are in no means hard up, and often buy both boys whatever we have said we are getting them without asking me if we have even got them, and would it be okay.

I'm not ungrateful in the least, (although it sounds it ) just annoyed she has disragarded everything i said.

Sits back waiting to be flamed

I'd have told her to take it back as I'd already bought a kitchen (even if I hadn't)

YANBU

you told her you were buying it

she went ahead and bought it anyway

she could have phoned you from the shop before she bought it, but she didn't, she phoned your DH AFTER

she is playing the 'oh silly me I didn't think you would mind' card to get her own way

if you moan you look hysterical and over the top, if you don't then she gets to ride roughshod over you without an argument

Call her or email and say

'oh DH mentioned you have bought DC a kitchen? I thought we had agreed that I was buying it

when she gives you the crap about having one at each house say

'well I think it would have been nicer for him to have different toys at each house instead of the same things, oh anyway it doesn't matter he saw a lovelyyyyyy thing in the shop the other day which he really really wants so we will just get him that instead ta ta

Why not just be honest with her, and say you were a bit disappointed about it. She'll then say oops, sorry, I just fell in love with it in the shop. You'll say that's ok, but next time please don't do that, as I find it a bit annoying. Job done.

I just don't get this game-playing .

Think I'll take him out to have a look at some other toys at the weekend, then buy them after pay day and keep quiet.

In other news, this my longest ever mn thread!

"In other news, this my longest ever mn thread!"

You'll have to start a breast feeding vs bottle thread .

YANBU - I'd be a bit narked after you said it was something that you wanted the pleasure of buying.

But I'd say its daft and wasteful to have two (will other children be playing with it?) for one child so you might as well give it to him for christmas. Then it is a shame as I'd been about to say I was hoping you'd get him his first (eg) trainset, dh and I had been trying to think of something special you could buy him just from you that you could add to each year for stocking fillers. But never mind we'll do that instead.

This is why since the age of 1 ds has had the most awesome trainsets ever and as of his birthday in May will be moving from oo guage to n guage .... and the gps now fund his very expensive hobby.

It pays to get the collectable items sorted early I find

I get this every year from my mum.

My strategy is to decide beforehand what would be nice for DC but not something I would get (and yes I do cynically chose an expensive present). Then when she asks I announce this is what I am getting. And viola she will ring in a couple of weeks and say she's already bought said expensive toy and you don't really mind do you? Not at all mum, not at all.

I have tried in the past to keep our toy decision to myself but invariably I blurt it out. This year I deliberately haven't decided yet so she can't do the top trumps anymore as she's bought the gifts.

As for this year, if you say anything to her you'll run the risk of looking foolish. Best advice is let it drop. Why don't you say that you're going to buy something else so the kitchen can come home?

ooh SDTG that could be an opportunity for her!
Surely next year they'd like something really dreadful and te mum can hide the good stuff somewhere else?

Unfortunately those strategies only work when you ar able to tell the mil what they want. My mil either quizzes the children or in the case of the dc getting them to tell her everything on their Xmas lists., she was there when it broke.

But they are very welcome to fund ds's Z guage!!!

Tell her how relived you are because you decided you didn't want the hideous monstrosity of a play kitchen in your house. [evil]

then buy something that doesn't take over half your house.

What would you have done if it was your own Mum who had done the same thing OP?

Admittedly she was a bit daft choosing the same idea as you and should really have chosen something different.

I tell my parents what to get the kids and I would tell my IL's but they never listen and always get some inappropriate crap that never gets played with. YANBU and I think in future you just don't divulge what is on the list and if she asks tell her what you would like her to get.

elphabadefiesgravity

heh heh!

I have explined to ds he MUST NOT CRACK UNDER INTERAGATION. DS intently saves his pocket money for stuff he wants so I pointed out that if he divulges ANY wishes then he may not be able to but them as soon as he has the money but will have to wait till December instead.

He now will see something he wants for xmas, run it past me first and decide whats for him to buy, to put forward for Nanny for christmas and what he wants Santa to bring!

buy them
not but them

You need to do what I do.

I give one list of things to Dh side and one to my mum for our side. Each have different things on so we don't have this.

mind you FIL id buy,ing DS his first trainset. but we not bothered as ds is the first boy in the family44 for 30eyrs.

Your MIL sounds like mine...

DD1's 1st birthday

Me "I will make DD a cake"
Her "OK"

Turn up at her house for DD's birthday and MIL has ordered a massive fairground carousel birthday cake...my little choclate cake with DD's name on it look pretty lame

DD1's 3rd birthday, same scenario only this time it was a fairy princess..

Our DD's have a whole adventure playground at their house, a sand pit, a wendy house complete with kitchen the list goes on.....

You have my sympathies, why don't you just get something different and then bring DS2's kitchen back to your house...? It is HIS kitchen so she can't force it to be kept at her house.

Sorry for typo's dd2 (3yrs) is helping.

I think she probably wanted to get him something she knew he would like, and couldn't think of anything off her own bat. In future I would either not tell her what you are getting, or tell her and then give her some suggestions of things she could buy.

I would also get some thing else and then take the kitchen home. FFS who buys a child a present and then says it has to stay in their house.
My Mum and Mil have a kitchen, garage a toy shop at their houses always bought during sales and never given to the dc as gifts which are noisy messy and go home with dgc's

I agree you should just bring the toys home.
Say, really, he just got this kitchen, it is totally unreasonable for a 1-2-3-4 year old to be parted from a gift received, after all it is HIS gift. You have so many of his toys here anyway, like the trampoline he misses daily. You wouldnt want him to be miserable now, would you?

or something to that effect.

Certainly irritating....i told my Mum i was getting DD a Cath Kidston dressing gown for christmas(she loves CK).
On the 'phone Sunday morning she says..
'Oh don't get DGD a dressing gown,i got her one from M&S,it's lovely'
F***G GRRRRR

If I was in this situation (cant stand my mil btw and she probably wouldnt spend money on any dc me and dh will have anyway) I would find out which one she brought and get a bigger and better kitchen

I think its very rude that she's done this after she asked you in the first place.

Moraldefective - why not just get your DD the gown that your DD would prefer and give your DMs one away? Why should your DD end up getting something she won't like as much?