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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OK maybe I am but I'm sad.

41 replies

mumbar · 08/11/2010 17:39

Got a call at work Friday at 2.15pm to say DS very pale, feeling sick and very quiet. I said I'd collect him and was there 10 minutes later - apparently he'd been a bit sick during that 10 minutes.

He looked awful when I got there and I thought he may have got the bug thats going round. I noticed he hadn't eaten any lunch and mentioned it and school secretary said she knew. I was a bit they hadn't called me 2 hours earlier but let it go.

Got home and he slept for an hour then awoke wanting dinner . Coloured had returned and I told him I didn't think he should eat if sick but he insisted he was fine.

Role on 2 hours and he got very upset again, I thought he may vomit so got bowl, towels etc but he was sobbing.

Turned out there had been an incident whilst waiting for th minibus at breakfast club where a man had tryed to get DS to go with him to prove something to him. DS had said no and the leader praised him for it. (a non-incident really with another parent over-reacting).

Anyway as he was fine I guessed this was what was bothering him as he was really scared and worried and why when he was with me again he was OK.

Now there is the 48 hour rule with D&V so it would stand to reason that with a bug DS would have been ill over the weekend and therefore not fit for school today.

I rang the office before school to let them know he'd be in, that he'd been fine after a sleep and so I didn't know what was wrong with him except maybe he had worried himself sick over the incident? But to let them know he had been ok for the 48 hour period.

Now I was extremely by the secretaries reaction. She began telling me theres no such thing as a child worrying themselves sick, and he had all the symptoms of sickness bug, he'd been pale and quiet and hadn't eaten.

I said I knew that, it was clear when I collected him he wasn't right but thought it courtesy to inform them that he had been ok for 48 hours and he'd seemed to sleep it off and to inform them of the incident in case he mentioned it at school.

She then started again getting really arsy with me, saying he'd mentioned nothing last friday when at school, he'd not eaten etc.

I just reitterated they did the right thing about calling me, and if he doesn't eat lunch again they can call me earlier, I would rather him be with me if he's ill I'm just letting her know he'll be in and had been fine.

AIBU to be really annoyed about her defensive attitude and rudeness or am I'm overreacting??

I want to know before I decide wether to raise it with the HT.

OP posts:

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 17:43

Am I understanding this correctly? That your DS foiled an attempted abduction? I cannot comment more until I know that's what heppened...it's hardly a non-incident!

smockingtillerfiredeers · 08/11/2010 17:48

It sounds as though the secretary has got fixated on the issue of whether he could have worried himself sick, and overlooked the point that even if it WAS a bug he's over it. Maybe she's got a thing about parents trying to pass off D&V bugs as other things so they don't have to keep their child off school, so grabbed a chance to give someone apparently doing that a flea in their ear.

TheChamomileLawn · 08/11/2010 17:49

Do the police know about the man?

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 17:51

No they were waiting for the minibus and a man reversed into the disabled space, infront of where they were waiting and then got out of the car with his DS who began running around. DS asked the club leader if he should be parking there (leader said it was quietly) and the man tryed to pull ds to his car to see his disabled dd in the back. (she was in a car seat). DS backed off terrified.

It was a case of DS just innocantly asking and the man taking the huff - but I don't want this turning into a invisable disablilties thread as DS is 6.

OP posts:

Rhinestone · 08/11/2010 17:54

Mumbar, I really think the main issue is that the school didn't inform you that a man assaulted your DS. And the leader seemingly did nothing?

And tbh, it seems that you haven't tried to investigate this further. I think that's your priority, not the receptionist.

TheChamomileLawn · 08/11/2010 17:55

Oh right. No wonder your ds was upset!
Doesn't sound to me as if the secretary was actually rude though, just annoying. I would let it go, it's not worth it.

TheChamomileLawn · 08/11/2010 17:56

The man was completely in the wrong by the way, no excuse for what he did.

canyou · 08/11/2010 17:56

No wonder your poor ds was upset who knows what the poor child thought the man was going to do, How ever annoyed he was there was no reason to approach never mind manhandle your son.

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 17:56

That seems very confident behaviour from a child of six...does he usually challenge adults? Not saying it's wrong...it would be good in a bad situation...a real attempted abduction for exampkle...but could get him into some upsetting situations like today...that man was very wrong...if he didn't like your DS asking him that then he should have spoken to the leader...

It sounds like your son has had a big learning experience and you were not atall unreasonable to speak to the secretary.

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 17:57

example...not exampkle!

GiddyPickle · 08/11/2010 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canyou · 08/11/2010 18:01

ForMash he could have explained to the poor child that his dd was in the car with out touching him or frightening him, a friend of mine is in a wheelchair and has no problem explaining to children that his legs don't work etc, Small children will always ask questions its what they do rude or not

canyou · 08/11/2010 18:03

Sorry Forsmash I may have taken your comment out of context

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 18:04

canyou....I never said it was rude! Did you read my post in full?

I said her son sounded unusually confident...not rude...I never said the man was right! I said he was wrong!

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 18:04

Ah x posts

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 18:07

formashgetsmash Reasonable question I thnk. He didn't challenge the adult but I work in a SEN school so his perception of disabled transport is minibuses and ramps. I have explained the others to him now. DS tho questions everything. If a builders building a house whys he not building flats and vice versa etc.

The Breakfast/after school club is at the local sure start centre and I asked them about it this morning and they apologised they hadn't informed me yet, the manager was going to tell me but because DS came home early he never went there.

Obviously was serious enough if they wanted to tell me in hindsight.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 18:08

Oh and sorry he asked the leader in a quiet voice not the man, leader says she's surprised he heard him tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 18:09

giddypickle Fair enough but I work in a school and had already said to her I'd let her know monday how he was but obviosly if a bug he wouldn't be in due to 48 hour rule.

OP posts:

canyou · 08/11/2010 18:09

I was shocked that an adult would approach a child my brain was not in gear and my 7 yro can be rude he has not got the ability to speak quietly or think before he speaks. I always fear he would be in a situation like this, we are working on it but it is defiantly a work in progress

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 18:10

formash no he's not confident I think this is why he was so upset by the situation.

OP posts:

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 18:11

What did they DO about it though? Its not ok imo to let somE random man grip 6 year old boys by the hand and lead them off...I am not surprised he was emotional about it.

Rhinestone · 08/11/2010 18:11

But why didn't the leader speak to the man concerned? He manhandled a 6 years FFS!

ForMashGetSmash · 08/11/2010 18:14

I would reiterate that if he ever thinks or susects anyone of wrong-doing...that he must trust his instincts...and that tis experience was a rare one. You dont want him getting scared to speak out against adults.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/11/2010 18:17

The receptionist sounds like she was being a bit bumptious and condescending. Maybe she was feeling testy,

I don't think your son did anything wrong

Original poster

mumbar · 08/11/2010 19:47

This is not slealth but there is a reason I'm wondering whether to speak to the HT.

DS has mild allergies, hives, swollen eyes, itchy tongue and throat. GP said to up his dose of AH to 4x a day so I rang office to ask what I needed to do to change his dose from as required to 12 noon. She got really shirty with me then saying he'd asked the day before for some but she'd refused as theres nothuing wrong with him . He had the day before come home with bad hives but I hadn't known he'd asked for the meds. GP prescribed another bottle stating 4x a day instead of every 4-6 hrs as required and she agreed he could have it but wanted a time scale as 'she wasn't going to dose him up willy nilly on my say so'

I wrote and complained to HT saying this was a child health at risk. It was sorted.

(if anyone saw causulty Sat its like the girl, hives come up and he's fine for a bit but if its treated the facial swelling occurs.)

Because of this I'm wondering whether I should just let it go or whether there really is a problem with this secretary and the HT needs to know. I do know she has been like this to other parents before.

OP posts:

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