to not put myself out for DH 's family?

[BlackBag]

He can't be arsed with their birthdays, Christmas presents and special get togethers so should I step up to the mark and do it all for him or just back away?

I have maintained for years that the whole card and gift industry would collapse if women stopped bothering with Christmas and birthdays.
Why do we do it?
Are we perpetuating something that doesn't need to be perpetuated, given that half the population don't seem to bothered about it, and most women seem to be doing it for the sake of appearances...

My favourite expression this week is
"grow a pair"
After 15 years of coaxing, cajoling and giving in I think I have finally had enough. I love DH but he makes NO effort for me,
wedding day - ok he showed up,
my 30th - 'but you were away working'
Ist anniversary - nothing,
my graduation - zilch,
10th anniversary - 'the tickets you bought were a joint present, right?'
and you can forget birthdays.

His 30th - Huge Welsh house for house party
His phd Grad - over £250 for fancy dress, tickets
His 40th - Hired house for a party

So I like his parents and have for the last '15' years protested but done the decent thing but since having had the DDs (5&3) have fallen out with MIL (told her last year that DDs presents should be roughly 'equal' and just a tatty charity shop book for both not just the non-favouite.) So frosty now. Passive aggressive SIL is not helping.

I'm gonna try and grow a pair.

Have protested in a steadily louder way the last few years, have listened to you all and giveitago at Mon 08-Nov-10 17:43:49

Do it with love or don't do it at all.

has really stuck. At the end of the day they are DH family, they don't love me and it's compare and contrast with the grandkids so I think I shall sit back this year.

Does anyone say if they're refusing the burden, eg. put an advert in the Times?

Oh and it's not me booking the crazy shit for him, he does all that himself so he can do it.

BlackBag - am with you on the 'they don't love me reasoning'

After 7 years of running my stumpy little legs off each year trying to find just the right thing for everyone in dp's family and getting generic tat in return i am officially quitting buying presents for any of them.

I get the 'they just don't know you very well line every year. Oh yeah? They don't know me at all because in 8 years none of them have ever taken the time to ask me a personal question. Too busy getting sympathy from me about all of their various ailments

Oops, that turned into quite a rant, sorry (climbs down from soap box and retreats) :)