to ask DN not to use her phone at the table?

[ChristmasTrulyReigns]

This has been an ongoing teeth-gritting, temperature-raising situation for me.

Every time BIL's family comes over for, granted, a very informal meal, she just seems to be constantly on her iPhone, whether it is sending texts or using the apps.

I would mention it very pleasantly, and in a joking fashion, but I am just concerned that as her mom doesn't tell her not to, it's not really my position to override her mom's parenting skills.

So, AIBU to gently and teasingly ask her to put it down while we are sitting eating?

YANBU. But forget 'gently and teasingly' and move straight on up to 'straight forward not acceptable' mode. If BIL's family object, they should be the ones feeling sheepish....

YANBU.
It is rude and bad manners- phones are banned from our table.
Mobile phones are the equivalent of dummies for adults/young people.
Suggest that if DN is so bored with conversation, perhaps she should stay at home.

No, I don't think so. you could just say, in a suitable pause in the conversation, what do you think x? we'd like you to join in - or something like that. She should realise that in situations like you describe she is being rude (albeit unintentionally i guess).

Don't you think I'm treading on her parents' toes though?

No I think it's one of those 'my house my rules' situations.

I'd say most young people would not think this rude at all as they are growing up with this technology where as we had to get used to it over time. Have had arguments with Dh that I don't want him on the his lap top at the table as he really doesn't get that IMO it's incredibly rude and not how I want our family meals to be conducted and he is in his 40's. He also used to be constantly texting when just the 2 of us were out for a meal, sometimes actually getting up from our table and wandering off to speak to a friend while leaving me on my own. he just didn't get it and thought i was being totally unreasonable which I might be being as it comes down to out different opinions.

Not treading on toes if you say 'I don't allow mobiles at the dinner-table, can you put it away please?'... Keep it polite and matter-of-fact, same as you would a visiting child that was picking its nose or something else horrible.

Chil and Elsa are right - you have every right to say that texting/using apps etc at the table is not allowed at your house. Be prepared for sulks from the teenager, though.

I think I may just be brave and give it a go next time it happens.

Who knows it may make her mom think twice about texting at the table, too.

It may be that her mother doesn't want to make a fuss at your house and is actually gritting her teeth each time?

I would say 'look I'm sorry but I'm fed up with this constant use of the phone at my table, we don't allow it here and you'll have to wait until we've finished', but to be honest if you've never said anything before it's probably a bit late to kick up a fuss now.

Its incredibly rude. FFS! And incredibly rude of her parents not to say anything. Just say something. And you too begonya.

I have actually, had loads of arguments over it and said I didn't want to go on holiday one year as it was becoming ridiculous and even our young children were noticing. Lot better now but he tried the PC at the table tonight again and we had words. He really doesn't get it and thinks I'm just being a nag.

Begonya.. did his mother let him read at the table? Could this have been nipped in the bud when he much much younger as is the OP's niece. OP tell her that if she wants to share the meal she puts the phone away - if she wants to use the phone she goes to another room but not both at the same time. You are the host, not her mother.

Another 'my house, my rules' here. DSS had a friend over recently and I told him that we didn't allow mobiles at the dinner table.

When his mum called, he apologised and asked my permission to leave the table to answer her

That's incredibly rude! DSD is a bit like this, drives me bonkers. I have said something to her before, felt anxious about it but she was fine about it, hadn't really realised how rude it was.

Well maybe that's it - she doesn't realise that it's rude because her mom does it too.

Which is what, I feel, puts me in the more awkward position.

YANBU although why the parents don't say something I don't know? I feel a lot of parents are scared of their teens?

A friend recently had a birthday meal with other friends. Her dd (age 13) used her nintendo ds for the full 2 1/2 hours and didn't even look up! My ds1 is the same age and wouldn't even dare take his blardy ds when we go out.

YANBU.

I had this with my father (who should have known better) at Christmas day dinner. I had to confiscate his phone in the end as he was constantly texting his ladyfriend (who depised me greatly).

begony

YANBU,it IS rude
However we all used to read books at the table.
But not when we were out for dinner or at friends/family.
I HATE the tv being on when we're eating.

YANBU - It's very bad mannered.

My DH makes me when he reads at the table. We don't have many family meals together so it really annoys me when he's got his nose buried in his bloody magazines and our 2.5 year old is desperately trying to get his attention on the other side of the table.

I don't care if he reads when it's just he and I but my DS isn't a big talker and you'd think DH would take the opportunity to encourage him. I've mentioned it to him plenty of times but my pleas fall on deaf ears.

YANBU Im 28 and when I visit my mum she tells me off for checking my phone (I dont do this very often of course). She also does it when she's visiting my house too lol

I'd probably involve her parents, say something light-hearted like "is x going to join in the conversation, then, or are we boring her?". Maybe they'll take the hint and realise she's being rude. If they don't, well they're rude too.

I wouldn't be able to zip it, and would probably offend everyone in this situation!