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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

think how could a women know she wasn't pregnant

83 replies

AuntiePickleBottom · 08/11/2010 00:10

i have been watching, i didn't know i was pregnant, and think how did they not know

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 08/11/2010 10:27

My mum didn't know that she was pg with me. She had very bad endometriosis and had been told it was 'unlikely' she would ever conceive.

She went to the doctor with a urine infection and obviously they tested her wee. She was nearly 7 months...

She had thought the bit of extra weight was cake! She put on general weight but did not really ever get a pg belly even though I was 7lbs 7

BuntyPenfold · 08/11/2010 10:32

My sister was on the pill, and having 'periods' - the regular pill-break bleeds, until 6 months pregnant.

She had never meant to have children and just thought it was an extra bit of tubby middle.

Amazing to go full-term though.

EverythingsRosie · 08/11/2010 10:37

What I really really really can't get my head around is.....

I know of a girl (and from reading this thread, she is clearly not the only one) who is very very slim, and suddenly went into labour wearing her size 8 jeans.

Now, I saw this girl 2 days before she had the baby and there was not a shred of weight gain.

BUT THE BABY WAS 8lb 4oz!!!!!

Now someone please tell me - physically where the hell was that baby when I saw her 2 days earlier? A baby that size is a proper armful to carry and this girls waist was about the size of my leg!!!

BoobyMcLeaky · 08/11/2010 10:38

This happened to a girl I grew up with, twice Shock!

The first time she gave birth down the toilet (hadn't even realised she was in labour Envy, let alone pregnant!). The second time just over a year later in the bath.

Maybe I am stupid, but I don't understand it. My DD was a footling breech and back to back. I would have taken myself to A&E if I'd have felt those down below kicks without knowing I was pregnant Grin.

Tee2072 · 08/11/2010 14:07

Well, my asked my friend for a link to the website she posted on, but it's been taken down now. But she very graciously sent me the following: -

"How to have a baby and not even know it.
by Teresa

I am not entirely sure where to begin. The short version is that in 2004 I gave birth to a gorgeous 8 pound, 9 ounce baby boy. The complication is that I was unaware of the pregnancy until three hours before my delivery by Cesarean Section.

A simple glance at that makes you think I?m an idiot or mentally ill, or naive, or in denial... but non of those are true and it?s not that simple. I actually fit into a group of women where this is fairly common, each having all three of a trifecta of complaints: 1) older (mid-late 30's, early 40's), 2) history of chronic health problems, especially fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and the like, and 3) long history of infertility issues. Every doctor and nurse I've talked to about it since says yes, it's far more common than we realize and they are all quite familiar with the phenomenon.

In retrospect I guess it was obvious that I was pregnant, all the pieces fall in place when you look back on it, but hindsight is indeed 20/20. As the events progressed it was not so clear, not to me or to anyone around me. Lack of insurance and regular medical care was the first culprit. Having recently moved to a new state and a new relationship, those things hadn't really fallen into place yet, and I honestly hadn?t been sick enough to go to the doctor, except for what we now know was the very beginning of the pregnancy. I don?t recall that they asked to do a test, but if they did it certainly didn?t come back positive. I did three tests myself during that early time period, and two were negative. One was inconclusive. All my symptoms were explained totally by other health problems I suffer. Everything as it happened was easy to pass off on something else ? and having been told many times over my reproductive lifetime that I would probably never be able to get pregnant, I was reluctant to get my hopes up again. I'd been what amounts to child-free for most of my adult life, but after my father's death I'd started to be more interested in having a child. We weren't trying, but we weren't trying not to.

Let me start at the beginning and try to explain the progression of events. In case you wonder why I?m bothering to explain all this, I'd like to have a reasonably coherent account of the details for my son someday, just to help him have more of a sense of who he is and where he comes from. There's been so much curiosity and misinformation about it out there that I wanted to share it publicly as well.

Apparently I conceived in November. With a birth date (and apparent due date) of August 6, the conception would have been after Halloween, definitely. I wasn?t aware of anything until I got sick with a cold at the end of November, right after we returned home from Thanksgiving with my Mother. The cold was pretty nasty, and turned into a sinus infection after a week or so. I went to the doctor at that point (around the first or second week of December) and he diagnosed the sinus infection, but not a pregnancy. I don?t remember if the subject came up, but if he or a nurse had asked, I?d have said no I wasn?t. He gave me an antibiotic and I went home. For several months after that I was still congested, and I threw up a lot from it. That was unusual, but I have never had congestion like that before. It was a bad sinus infection.

At three different points from December through about April, I suspected that I might be pregnant. Each time we went out and got a test. Two times it was negative. One time it was inconclusive. Each time I had a symptom, I told myself that I was nuts to attribute it to pregnancy. I forcibly slapped myself down each time I got my hopes up, with echoes of all the OBGYN diagnoses I?ve had over the years, and all the doctors who?d told me that I?d never be able to get pregnant.

So yes, I had morning sickness. It was just the sinus infection. Yes, I had backache and fatigue. I have fibromyalgia. Yes, I?m obese, so my belly was distended. Yes, I had a small amount of movement, but I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Altogether I didn?t have that much change in my life ? enough that in hindsight I should have known, but not enough that in the day-to-day any of us would really know. Suspicions at various times? Yes. Enough proof to actually go to the doctor? No.

The final stages of the saga are probably the most amazing. About a week before I gave birth I thought I was starting my period. I had a very small amount of rusty blood discharge, typical of me. I also had some cramping. The discharge stopped, but the cramps continued, and started getting worse. By Sunday evening I was really in pain. Monday I started getting lower back spasms. This was coupled by what I thought was a bladder infection that had seemed to be coming on for some time, and when I could finally not pee at all on Tuesday, I went to the urgent care clinic. The doctor there diagnosed me as having a bladder infection, and asked me to let him admit me to the hospital to check out the back pain, since it was too low for the kidneys. I?ve had the same lower back pain for 8 years previously (been without the last two, thank goodness) so I wasn?t about to go to the hospital for something I thought I could just get rid of by doing my PT exercises again. I came home, and it got worse. By Thursday night I was being wracked with violent low-back spasms. I couldn?t eliminate. I was miserable. I suffered for another hour or so, and at about 12:30 I woke my partner up and asked him to take me to the hospital.

At the ER they figured out what the "problem" was, much to our complete and utter astonishment. I will skip the details of the birth, let's just say it wasn't perfect because I ended up needing a c-section, but it went as easily as could be expected. I gave birth at 8:15 a.m. to a perfect baby boy. He was whisked away for tests, but everything was just as it should be. Now it's six years later. Our son is the happiest, healthiest, most amazing kid around. He's smart and funny (this kid has a wicked sense of humor) and is currently excelling in a very intense half-day kindergarten program. He's barely been sick (except for an eye issue which I also had as a child), and he's my reason for living. We have a great life, and I'm grateful each and every day that I have such an amazing partner, such an amazing child, and the ability to stay home and raise him. ~~ "

She's in America, hence the reference to no medical insurance.

You can believe it or not. But it's 100% a true account.

booyhoo · 08/11/2010 15:06

tee, thanks for posting that. it really is an amazing thing for a woman to go through. i cannot imagine how much of a shock that must have been.

tyler80 · 08/11/2010 15:27

I think the lack of healthcare played a big part in that story tee. Certainly I don't think there would be the reluctance to go to hospital on doctor's recommendation over here to save money.

Tee2072 · 08/11/2010 15:31

I don't see where she says there was a reluctance due to money. I know she was reluctant due to being crushed emotionally before regarding having a baby.

My friend obviously knows I posted this here and I've suggested she come post herself, but I don't know if she will or not.

tyler80 · 08/11/2010 16:03

She talked about not going to hospital for something she could fix at home I thought and it was just the general impression that I got from reading that.

I've lived in the US and I know from personal experience how much longer I would hold off going to the doctor when it costs you 100 dollars per time (and that was with insurance). I can imagine that this reluctance would be more likely to lead to situations like this than where there is free and universal health care.

Sidge · 08/11/2010 16:12

I think for some women that aren't planning or trying to have a baby that pregnancy is so far from their mind that they don't even consider it, despite some minor symptoms.

I think some women knew they were pregnant but managed to completely deny it to themselves, hence acting surprised when they have the baby.

When I was working in A&E we had a woman in with an unexpected pregnancy, in labour. She said after delivering her baby (in A&E!) that she thought she might be pregnant but didn't want it to be true so just pretended it wasn't happening. The mind is a powerful organ.

isthisanEA · 09/11/2010 01:21

but how do you ignore a large, hard, wiggling baby shaped lump in your abdomen? Seriously?

expatinscotland · 09/11/2010 01:26

Well, my grandmother had a baby when she was 47. And she wasn't exactly slight. He was her 6th baby, too. She bore them all at home, breastfed till they were 2, even served as lay midwife loads of times.

She thought she was having the menopause.

Believe you me, I'm 39, 40 in 3 months, and you get all sorts of changes around that time. Funny things. Cramps just a week after you finished your cycle, bloating, pain in the cervix, diarrhoea at ovulation, if you have it, stomach upsets, etc.

She had no period. She figured she was going through the change.

She was nigh on 8 months along before she found out.

There are several women on here who conceived on the Mirena. It had stopped their periods.

So they had no idea.

When I worked in A&E we had a lady come through, she'd had Depo. Well, she must have ovulated just before or just after, because she gave birth to her 4th then and there and hadn't a clue. She was in her 40s, obese, no periods, it had just been put down to side effects.

Totally healthy baby boy, though. Her 7th. Age 43.

expatinscotland · 09/11/2010 01:28

Sorry, she did have 7. Just 4 still at home. She'd had her first at 15.

otchayaniye · 09/11/2010 09:01

"but how do you ignore a large, hard, wiggling baby shaped lump in your abdomen? Seriously?"

I never felt my baby move for the first seven months, only felt movement, and that was slight, at month 8, had her at 35 weeks. I was never that big either -- if I'd been fat it's possible I wouldn't have looked at all pregnant.

Given that so many women have children, and more than one and in many states of health, I'm prepared to accept that there are all sorts of variations and it's not always done to psychological denial.

NinkyNonker · 09/11/2010 10:38

If my sister (who has PCOS amongst other things) had a pregnancy like mine she could easily get to mid-20 wks without realising. I had no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever (we were trying so I found out at about 7 wks), no bump until around 24, 25 wks. Even then it could have been cake to be honest.

Team that with her very irregular/odd periods and you can see how it happens. It happened to a friend, she fled an abusive ex and missed a couple of periods, docs put it down to stress. When she started feeling 'odd' she went back and pushed for more tests. She was nearly 6 months gone.

NinkyNonker · 09/11/2010 10:46

Oh, and I didn't feel movement till late 20-ies. I had an anterior placenta. Looking back I felt flutterings, but if I didn't know I was pregnant I wouldn't have thought much of them. I knew all was fine as I heard the HB at midwife appts, she was a healthy 7lb-er.

TryLikingClarity · 09/11/2010 12:05

Recently I've been experiencing symptoms similar to those I felt when I was pregnant with DS (he was a planned pregnancy).

I did a test this morning, result was negative, but I still don't feel right IYKWIM.

I've been on mini pill since DS was born, so haven't had a period in a long time (DS is 9 months old) s even if I was pregnant I couldn't guess from lack of bleeding.

I'm hoping it's my mind playing tricks on me or a UTI or something making me sick. Another baby so soon after DS would not make me a happy TLC.

Tee thanks for posting that from your friend, is interesting.

faverolles · 09/11/2010 12:20

A friend of mine felt no movements at all throughout her 2nd pregnancy. She had regular scans, and for the last few weeks had to be monitored every other day to make sure everything was OK.
At the scans, the baby could be seen wriggling around, but she couldn't feel it, and never saw her tummy move!

I also know someone who didn't have a bump at all - her uterus faced the wrong way (or something like that!) and she stayed a size 10 throughout.

Some people have periods all the way through as well, so it's not a great leap to get to the fact that some people just don't have the normal symptoms of pregnancy.

nameymcnamechange · 09/11/2010 12:24

Don't you mean How could a woman not know she was pregnant?

lola0109 · 09/11/2010 14:04

Happened to a girl I know at 25, was putting on a bit of weight but had a holiday coming up, went to gym obsessively to fit into bikini, did in fact fit into bikini, with just a hint of excess weight, not a bump, all over. Went to hospital with stomach pains, gave birth to a 7lb 5oz boy.

She said she honestly didn't know, she was a size 12-14 and maybe went up to a 14 wwhen she went into hospital. Had periods throughout!

it really Shock me, I actually was as wide as i was tall at full term with my 2! Amazing really!

RoxieP · 09/11/2010 14:09

My friend had PCOS so had very erratic periods and was told it was unlikley she could conceive, so when she fell pregnant whilst still using contraception she didn't know for ages! Can't remember how long, but she actually started to show before she suspected - and it must have been past 24 weeks as she couldn't have had a termination even if she'd wanted one!

loubeedoo · 09/11/2010 14:32

I was left home at 19 to live with friends. Long story short. Very traumatic relationship during a very volatile and crazy time in my life. I moved out of house share and back home where my parents helped me through a few things. Then I met someone else and we moved in together.
Never had regular periods, in fact since age of 12 had been seeing doctor about vvv painful and heavy periods which had once or twice a year.
Thought I was pregant around 6 weeks, but doctor said, 'actually 28 weeks', scan said 31 weeks.
Stunned, scared, world collapsed. Hopsital doc said I was in denial because of circumstances of conception.
I didn't show at all, was a size 12 and even day DD was born was size 12. Not maternity 12, only had a bump size of grapefruit when gave birth.
DS is now 14.
2nd DS is 5 and I was 17 weeks before the doctor told me I was pregnant. Scan this time said 18 weeks. This time I was heavily overweight and didn't show at all.
Still have irregular and painful periods. Although both labours were very quick and relatively pain free. Had more pain with 2nd DS stitches.....
So yes OP it can happen, twice, although circumstances were highly charged at the time in both cases. Mind you if it were to happen now it would indeed be a miracle...
(sorry if that offends anyone!!!)

loubeedoo · 09/11/2010 14:41

Having read more posts, would like to say that during both pregnancies felt no movement (had scans which were all ok), no nausea or any other problems.
My mum said I blossomed with my first (sadly she died when DS1 was 1), and my friends say I did with second pregnancy.
Just to say that I now have 2 very happy, healthy, energetic boys who I wouldn't change for the world. (Well ok some peace and quiet now and then would be good...)

HappySlapper · 09/11/2010 15:25

I didn't know I was pregnant with dd until 18 weeks. And I was a nurse! I'm not naive, or stupid Hmm - and we were trying for a baby. In fact I was having blood tests at the time to try and determine why I wasn't pregnant yet as we had been trying for 2 years.

I had regular, normal periods, and had 4 false negative pregnancy test results...

xstitchsparkler · 09/11/2010 15:44

Not quite the same as this girl knew she was pregnant but kind of illustrates the point. There were several of us pregnant at the same time in my work and we were discussing baby movement one Friday. One of the girls said that if she didn't know that she was pregnant she would have thought the movement was her bowels. That was what it felt like. She was 29 weeks at the time and didn't even have a definite bump just looked like she had put on 2 or 3 pounds. We even discussed when she was likely to look pregnant. She never did because she gave birth prematurely on the next Monday. This baby is now at school

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