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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is my mum right about primark?

48 replies

Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 21:31

My mum is a very wealthy lady, but doesn't spend her money on anything other than Rolex watches. She treats her four children fairly and equally - she doesn't do or give any of them anything. Me bitter? No never.

Anyway yesterday I was going shopping for the day by myself, and I mentioned it to mum, and she said that she'd love to go shopping, so I invited her along.

We spent two hours in primark, with her saying how fantastic the stuff was and that I should buy the stuff from there as that's what one of my sister's does. I didn't comment that's because my sister is in up to her eyeballs in debt, and only earns minimum wage.

I then got her out of primark and we went into M&S and Next and every item I looked at anything whether it was £15 or £50 my mum was telling me that there was no point in buying that as the one for £5 in primark was just as good quality.

This went on for 9 hours, I came home with underwear for the kids in the end as that was all I was allowed to buy, and my dd was horrified that my one shopping day, had been ruined and that was all I had been able to purchase.

AIBU in thinking that primark has it's purpose in society, but is not as good quality as other places, and that for the vast majority of stuff it is obvious to see the quality difference?

AIBU in thinking it's my money therefore my buisness what I spend it on?

AIBU if my mother was trying to guilt trip me into primark being the only place my sister can shop, she is the one in the position to help her out?

OP posts:
BarbieLovesKen · 07/11/2010 21:40

Its Penney's over here and I dont buy anything in there (even though Im completely skint!) because its such shit quality it ends up costing me more in the long run.

I.e. I buy a top for dd in penneys. I was it once/ twice and its wrecked. I buy a top for maybe ?5 more in Dunnes or Next and she wears it until it doesnt fit her anymore.

Anyway, I find primark stuff is a really bad fit on top of being shit. dd always has a builders bum in them as obviously, at 5, she doesnt have hips and they dont seem to allow for this.

Makes more sense IMO.

tummysgottogo · 07/11/2010 21:43

You shopped for 9 hours?! Shock

Casmama · 07/11/2010 21:44

YABU - its your money and you can spend it how you like, you just need to tell your mum that you disagree with her view and don't go shopping with her again!

Bingtata · 07/11/2010 21:44

It depends what you are buying. Pyjamas, underwear and socks is not huge amounts of difference. I have basic Primark T-shirts and jeans that have outseen Next and M&S ones, but proper clothes that you want a nice fit are not going to be in primark.

KurriKurri · 07/11/2010 21:45

I don't understand how your mum stopped you buying things you wanted to, as you say its your money, you can do what you like with it.

With regard to Primark - well people shop where they can afford or like to shop, - doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

But nine hours shopping? nine hours ? - that is mind blowing.

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 21:45

I window shopped for 9 hours - that was worse!!!

My mum kept saying a) why did i need to wash it, stuff doesn't get dirty. I said now you are getting disgusting, I said 2 children, and animals things need washing, and b) if you do wash it put it on a low quick wash with no detergent and it does no damage I also said it did no cleaning either!!!

OP posts:
Tokyotwist · 07/11/2010 21:46

I'm not a Primark fan either but I don't really think that's the issue here.

From an outsiders perspective and based purely on what you've written, I'd say your Mum wasn't trying to guilt trip you re your sister only being able to afford Primark.

It sounds more like she is very frugal and was just thinking why spend more on stuff when you can buy it for less. Many of the older generation are like this as they have lived in much harder times.

Not sure why you didn't feel able to shop where you wanted though. Hope this doesn't sound too harsh but if you expect her to bail her kids out financially then you can't complain about her giving advice.

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 21:48

This was knitted wear (jumpers/dresses), coats, work clothes (trousers/skirts/shirts).

Every thing I picked up, she put it back, I went to buy a pair of boots, she told the shop assistant I wouldn't be buying them and could she put them back. That shop i just walked out!!!

OP posts:
IheartRPatz · 07/11/2010 21:50

My mum buys DD stuff from Primark, and I got her a few bits from there, and they really fit the "it doesn't matter if she only wears once at the price" comments that gets said.
Yes the clothes are cheap, but I dont think they wash well, my DD gets irritated by the label inside (the tags) so I take them out and the clothes just seem to fall to pieces.
Pajamas and pants seem to be okay from there.
If I'm looking for cheap clothes for DD, I much prefer Asda or Tesco.

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 21:50

I think what annoys me is that she bangs on about how hard it is for my sisters with no money, but does sod all about it, and as I'm the most financially successful sister, I'm told that I shouldn't spend my money.

It's most certainly not a case of me splashing the cash in front of my sisters. And we are talking next and m&s here not prada.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 07/11/2010 21:53

Don't ever go shopping with your mum again...

Personally after 9 hours shopping I would have told her some home truths about my sisters...but that's just me

scottishmummy · 07/11/2010 21:56

how old are you that you need mums approval?spend your own money how you chose without traipsing your mammie about

i have limited sympathy about your predicament.you answer your own question.your money spend how you wish

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 21:57

I obviously began to slip with my tongue, honestly can't recall exactly what I said, but was told that I was a horrible sister. Probably when a cheap top was picked up, and I said 'that'll suit x'. And the sarcasm came through!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 22:00

I left home when I was 16, and although my mother lives 5 miles down the road from me, I see her approximately 4-6 times a year, normally when she wants me to work for her. I speak to her on the phone about once every 2 weeks. I was shocked she wanted to come shopping with me, and thought it would be nice to spend mother and daughter time together.

9 hours later I realised I would need another shopping trip, and why I don't spend mother and daughter time!

OP posts:
Pen29 · 07/11/2010 22:02

Someone told me that the people who make the clothes for shops like primark are working overseas in horrible conditions for a pittance . That puts me of shopping there but not sure if its true

scottishmummy · 07/11/2010 22:02

9hours shopping,that is gruelling.why not go online get yourself some stuff

redflag · 07/11/2010 22:03

I have stuff from Primini and its great quality, don't know what you are all going on about. OK some of the stuff doesn't wash that great, but i can say the same about next too.

I have a friend who spends roughly £600 a MONTH there. (most of it goes back, she is in a constant state of returning and re buying) but she always looks great.

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 22:04

Would your friend like to take my mother out shopping??? Grin

OP posts:
BeaSpellsaLot · 07/11/2010 22:05

Agree with Barbie.

I buy underwear, pyjamas and socks from primark/penneys and that's about it.

I have so many things shrink/lose shape/get ruined that it really is just a false economy.

Original poster
Mushroomflumps · 07/11/2010 22:10

Oh I tried the false economy line - I got told I was an old fuddy duddy and why did I need my clothes to last, as I should just buy again, and as the style would then be the new fashion I would be uptodate.

I said because I don't want to be going shopping every couple of months. And I tend to go for classic attire, so doesn't date terribly, and also doesn't take too much thought in the morning, as mix and match pieces.

OP posts:
maktaitai · 07/11/2010 22:12

I would never shop for a full day with any other person, so well done for that.

If i were you I would stick with low expectations of your relationship with your mother. It sounds like you are extremely different people. Good try to have some mother and daughter time. It can be fun for me and my mother to go to garden centres - she has never spent a penny on clothes but will lash out without looking at prices on plants, and she is the expert on gardens so I am in a 'child' place again where she can advise me, and I don't care two hoots about gardens so there's no stress. And there's usually a cafe - for some reason she will buy coffee at a garden centre but would never do so in a town centre cafe Confused Something like that perhaps?

BangingNoise · 07/11/2010 22:12

YANBU. Primark is cheaply made tat that looks awful after one wash (that's if it survives the wash).

pissovski · 07/11/2010 22:19

I buy stuff from Primark (so shoot me!)and have actually found it lasts and washes quite well. i have a top that i got 3 years ago (ish) that i still wear and still looks fine for example.

If you don't like it, just ignore your mum and shop where you want

BeaSpellsaLot · 07/11/2010 22:27

MIL used to be like this, but once she saw how long other clothes last for, for the children and how they can be passed down, she is kind of getting on the same wave length.

I couldn't afford to be buying new clothes every couple of months and have no sense of style anyways!

dexifehatz · 08/11/2010 23:30

my Primark stripy tops' have just conked out after 2 yrs! Well worth the £1.50 spent...altho' that may have been the annual salary of the child making them...