AIBU or is my mum right about primark?

[Mushroomflumps]

My mum is a very wealthy lady, but doesn't spend her money on anything other than Rolex watches. She treats her four children fairly and equally - she doesn't do or give any of them anything. Me bitter? No never.

Anyway yesterday I was going shopping for the day by myself, and I mentioned it to mum, and she said that she'd love to go shopping, so I invited her along.

We spent two hours in primark, with her saying how fantastic the stuff was and that I should buy the stuff from there as that's what one of my sister's does. I didn't comment that's because my sister is in up to her eyeballs in debt, and only earns minimum wage.

I then got her out of primark and we went into M&S and Next and every item I looked at anything whether it was £15 or £50 my mum was telling me that there was no point in buying that as the one for £5 in primark was just as good quality.

This went on for 9 hours, I came home with underwear for the kids in the end as that was all I was allowed to buy, and my dd was horrified that my one shopping day, had been ruined and that was all I had been able to purchase.

AIBU in thinking that primark has it's purpose in society, but is not as good quality as other places, and that for the vast majority of stuff it is obvious to see the quality difference?

AIBU in thinking it's my money therefore my buisness what I spend it on?

AIBU if my mother was trying to guilt trip me into primark being the only place my sister can shop, she is the one in the position to help her out?

YANBU, horses for courses.

Why the fuck are you letting your Mother decide what you buy and what you don't?

[baffled]

OP it is really strange reading your post. My Grandparents are very wealthy and she also never buys main brands, always cheaper versions.

Never could understand why. I am a big believer in you pay for what you get. I.e. you buy cheap you get less quality than if you were to fork out a bit more and get better quality. (I am not wealthy btw).

Primark seems to be ok for pjs,underwear, and some other things eg boys cords are fab.

But some stuff is badly made, and doesn't fit well, from man made materials and lasts 2 washes before looking old.

Seems to be pot luck.

I think is Primark stuff is good, as long as you are in the understanding that it would last only for one season and with extreme care probably 2.

Having said that, I don't buy things for DS there, it is just counterproductive, things are priced half the price that I pay in Gap Outlet, but they are ruined so fast that end up costing more in the long term. Besides, as the fabrics are so thin, EVERYTHING needs ironing, regardless of how careful you are at hanging up the clothes, so IMO false economy.

Grow a back bone already and stand up to your mum. If you want to buy stuff in M and S or wherever, then get on with it.

I find Primark is a bit hit and miss myself. I get work tops there as well as knickers, socks and pjs. They are usually no different to M and s. As far as kids stuff goes as a rule of thumb Primarni stuff gets cut up into rags after it's had it's day/been grown out of and M and S etc gets passed down to my niece.

You seem unduly influenced and controlled by your mum. Make your own decisions for yourself and come to terms with the fact that she chooses not to help you financially even though she could.

Sorry you had a crap day, hopefully this won't happen again.

I have Primark dresses that my dd has worn for years. And trousers that have been through several seasons with ds as trousers and then another few years as cut off shorts for first ds and then dd.

Hang on, have some of you not read the OP's posts?! She says that her Mother told shop assistants that she didn't want things.

Are the responding posters actually suggesting that the OP should have a row with her mother right there and then?!?! Hm, classy!!

OP, I have a (male) parent a bit like yours, but rather than clothes, I will get "advice" on technology that I don't want/need.

I think when people, esp. parents of adult children are so firm in their views, I would just ignore and get on with my own life, dipping in and out of family life as it suited me. In fact, that's what I've done the last 5-6 years.

I love Primark!! My son had all his jeans and cords from there when he was younger!! He loves going in there now with his own money and buys his tee shirts etc from there!!

YANBU - If she buys rolex watches, why should you buy cheap stuff from Primark because that's where your sister can afford to buy from.

Sorry, I would have told her that its my money and I've earnt it and I'll bloody well spend it how I want.

If it was like that for 9 hours not only would I have been going mad (I hate clothes shopping with a passion), I would have told her that she's in a position to help sister financially and to stop telling you how to spend your money and I wouldn't be going shopping with her again.

FWIW - I buy DD's jammies from Primark and they've lasted really well.

Yanbu. Never shop with your mum or talk about clothes with her again.

I'll also add my voice to those saying that Primark is a bit shit. I've had a few bits and pieces from there over the years and they've all fallen apart at the first wash, transferred dye onto my skin etc.. A pp has already mentioned concerns about the working conditions of those producing Primark clothes. The company recognise that there's a problem and say that they're going to try to 'progressively improve' the conditions of their workers.

There's usually a good reason why new clothes are cheap - it isn't some kind of miracle. They're typically either very poor quality or produced by people who are not being fairly paid. In the case of Primark I suspect both are true.

On a tight budget I'd tend to opt for charity shops and sales.

Not many people would want to buy underwear or pyjamas from a charity shop

I love Primark. AFAIK the conditions of workers making their clothes are similar to those making all high street chains. I have some clothes from Primark that have lasted years, with one coat that I wear from time to time that I have had since I was 20. What do you all do to make them fall apart after one wash?

YANBU, Some stuff in Primark is fine but other stuff is really not good quality,

that was all I was allowed to buy

What are you? Seven?

Fatty: But most of us don't want socks that turn your toes black or knickers where the tag rubs your skin away either. For underwear better to wait for the sales at somewhere decent perhaps...

Ridiculous predicament. Why oh why ...

(a) shop with your mother
(b) resent your mother for not sharing her money with you - because that rings loud and clear from your posts

It's all mad. Just go to the shops that you normally shop at, buy the stuff you need, walk away and buy your mother a coffee at a coffee shop

No worries and no issues

Unless of course you feel that your mother should fund you and your siblings through adulthood and beyond? What exactly was that remark about Rolexes about/

OP - YANBU - never go shopping with her again.

I don't quite understand how you managed to last 9hours though - I'd have been done with her after 2 at the most. I actually mostly hate shopping with someone else anyway but I would have been outraged if someone was trying to tell me that I couldn't buy stuff with my own money!

Ok, DH does that sometimes but he earns all the money in this household so I might let it slide, depending on how much I want X or how essential X is.

Give up on trying to bond with your mum - she doesn't sound like she's that interested, more nosey and controlling.

My dh's aunt bought the dds some pjs from Primark & bought them with her when she visited.

They were a double set.

She was here 4 weeks. Before she left the seams had gone on dd1s bottoms & I replaced them with leggings, so she can still wear the shirt.

The print off dd2s shirt was lifting. The seams on the bottoms were unthreading.

They lasted a few more weeks. Dd now has 2 shirts in tact, but no bottoms (not counting the leggings) and dd2 has 2 bottoms & no shirts.

The shirts are also very misshapen. If you lay one flat, one shoulder is higher than the other!

Biggest waste ever! I am all for bargain shopping & dd2 (5yrs younger than dd1) is wearing dd1s Tesco, George hand me downs etc. So they do & can last.

But these are fit for nothing!

yanbu to OP.
Maybe only because I have been very pleased with the quality I get in M&S or Next (or even George/Tesco).
Don't take her with you in future!

Just to clarify -

point about rolexs was saying she knows about and can afford the finer things in life, but with regards to what I do I was only meant to be in primark.

regards 'only allowed to buy' if I picked up anything off the hanger, it was literally taken out of my hands, I'd then quitely re pick it back up again, and was told 'why are you always looking for an argument' so to keep the peace as was pointed out rather than make a scene in a shop, I made a mental note of what I liked, and have since bought it. Again same with boots that I liked, mum told the shop assistant I wasn't having them, rather than looking like an idiot in the shop saying 'mum i really want them' like a teenager, I just made a note of their style number, and have since bought them.

With regards to her money, no it is her money, same as it is my money, but I continuously got, your sisters don't spend there money on these clothes, they can't afford to buy these clothes, so you should be only buying what your sisters can afford. She then proceeded to tell me all about her latest £10k watch, and when I said my sisters couldn't afford a £10k watch, she shouldn't be buying that 'I was told I was picking for a fight'. By this stage I probably was.

But I wondered if I was missing the wonders of primark, but have decided I am not, and will not be going shopping with my mother again.

Completely irrelevant but to the coffee shop comment - during the day I took us for lunch, afternoon tea, and dinner after the shopping.

Why on earth did you keep shoping for 9 hours if you were not actually purchasing anything and not enjoying the experience either?

I hope you took your mum to the crappest chip shop in town "as everything else is just a rip off and the food here is just as good."