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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want children at my 30th birthday party??

67 replies

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 19:57

Hi, I've decided to have a party for my 30th birthday and I thought it'd be a great way of getting rid of the children for one night and having a proper adult get together. Several of my friends have children of my daughters age, 5. I really don't want it o turn into a childrens party or be stressed out about where they are and what they're up to.

My invertation e-mails say that "It'll be a nice chance to have an evening out without the children" I thought this was a subtle way of saying "No kids".

My brother in law has now phoned and said "What, NO KIDS!!!" he then said he couldn't get a baby sitter for his 11 year old son and asked if the other brothers children were invited and I said no.
He seemed really shocked and there was a hint of "Oh sod it then" in his voice.

I don't really mind if the older ones come, but I can't have one rule for one and another for everyone else.

I think I might just cancell it and go to the pub with my Husband instread.

I don't know what to do, I was looking forward to it but now I just think sod it, it's more hastle than it's worth.

OP posts:

Liluri · 07/11/2010 20:15

It's your party so obv you get to choose what type of celebration you have.

It is rather rude of any prospective guests to moan that YOUR mode of party is not to their taste.

BTW, I don't agree with the suggestion that children shouldn't be around adults drinking alcohol. We drink wine with Sunday lunch - tis just a part of normal family life.

CarGirl · 07/11/2010 20:16

I was just going to suggest that you farm your dd out if you can, makes for a more bearable morning the next day! When my 1st dh had his 40th my then 2 year old stayed awake unitl 11.30pm! We had farmed the 12 year old out though.

40someMum · 07/11/2010 20:17

YANBU
I had a fortieth and did NOT want kids. One friend who does not like sitters brought her kids because when she asked me outright i could just not say no.

Your party - your say

I would not DREAM of taking kids to an adults party

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 20:17

I always think I'm a much better mummy when I've had a couple.

OP posts:

MumNWLondon · 07/11/2010 20:17

YANBU, 11 years old and can't find a babysitter by that age old enough for a sleepover.

Only difficult if you have a tiny baby.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 07/11/2010 20:18

Yanbu at all to want an adult party I quite like getting invites without the dc's but I can also see your bil's point. If I was in invited to a family party without the dc's i would be disappointed that I couldn't go as obviously all or most of my family would be there thus all my babysitters. That happened recently for a family wedding and nearly none of us that had children could go because all the grandmothers were at the wedding. Was disappointed but that is what happens.
As much as I love invites without the children usually I have also accepted that I have reached an age and a stage in life that those nights are less and less because all my friends have children as do most of my family so I do try and do more family friendly parties and if at home with the option of a bed to pop a sleeping little one in.

alfabetty · 07/11/2010 20:20

There's a difference between having a couple of drinks, or wine with a meal, and an adult party where the drinking is likely to be heavier. Agree it's not appropriate for children and YANBU!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 20:21

I know, he is a pampered little boy who isn't even allowed to walk down the road to school on his own.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 07/11/2010 20:22

YANBU but if they can't get a sitter suggest they have dd for a sleepover as a birthday gift to you

PinkieMinx · 07/11/2010 20:23

Am I only one who gets drunk in charge of child then? On MN I mean - know plenty in RL

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 20:23

i'd love too, do you think that'd be too cheeky??

OP posts:

alfabetty · 07/11/2010 20:28

Pinkieminx, I drink with my kids with me, on hols etc (not many opportunities otherwise) but I don't expose them to other (unpredictable) groups of drunk adults.

CarGirl · 07/11/2010 20:28

I don't think I'd dare ask tbh!!!!

onimolap · 07/11/2010 20:30

YANBU at all. It's your party!

Perhaps next time include something on the invitation that would ensure no-one even thinks of bringing a child. Cocktails? Cocaine? Wild burlesque poledancers?

Or try hiring a bouncer to turn away anyone under 18.

PinkieMinx · 07/11/2010 20:31

I get you alfa - the randomness of drunken strangers and all that - has not cropped up yet but it's a good point.

Ormirian · 07/11/2010 20:32

If it's such a big deal to you, put your foot down. Let him deal with it as he thinks fit.

It might be that he sees it as a family party, and a family party involves children. But it's down to you to call the shots;

TrillianAstra · 07/11/2010 20:33

Course not. Having children around makes it a completely different kind of party, and it is YOUR party.

That said, you have to acknowledge that some people night not be able to come to a child-free party.

Tokyotwist · 07/11/2010 20:34

I don't think yabu, but then I don't think your brother is either. He, probably shouldn't have been so obvious in his response, but I think you have to accept that if you insist on no kids then some of your guests will be unable to come.

I would find it very hard to arrange childcare for my dd for such an event. It would probably mean either DH or myself not going.

Asteria · 07/11/2010 20:38

If you give enough notice then YANBU in the slightest. My father insisted that my DS (aged 8) went to my sister's 21st and although he was incredibly good and after being appointed official photographer (next Bailey IMO) had lots of fun - it really wasn't appropriate. I felt totally inhibited and had a shit time as a consequence.
Surely your BIL can farm out his son to a school friend for a sleepover or something?

ballstoit · 07/11/2010 20:49

YANBU, it's not fun to have children at an adults party. Actually I think your BIL is B pretty U, would he have asked to bring him clubbing if that's what you had chosen to do?!

Enjoy your birthday, dont cancel because someone else cant get a babysitter.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 20:53

I've spoken to my MIL and she thinks it's perfectly reasonable. She said not to pay attention to her son and that the boy is perfectly able to go to a friends for a sleep over. (She's great my MIL)

OP posts:

Sazisi · 07/11/2010 20:53

yanbu, having kids there completely changes the vibe of a party.

Think your BIL is a bit disrespectful, and ungrateful too. When I get invited to a party I jump for joy, I don't ring up the party giver to moan at them

You could always give the party a bondage theme to emphasise the point :o

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 20:56

Sounds FAB!!! I'll get on to the invites.

OP posts:

SandStorm · 07/11/2010 20:58

YANBU

I recently missed the 40th birthday party of a good friend because I couldn't find a babysitter for love nor money. Hubby went, I stayed at home (joint friend - more his than mine although he offered to stay home). I was upset to miss it but they didn't want children there and I respected that.

Enjoy your party your way.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 07/11/2010 21:22

Thanks. I'm so glad that everyone thinks it's perfectly reasonable, including my MIL!

All my friends with young children are looking forwad to a night off. It should be good.
I'm looking forward to it again now.

OP posts:

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