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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS escaped from school and thats just the start of it.....

40 replies

AliceInWonderBra · 07/11/2010 12:55

i will try to make this as short as possible honestly :)

Ds is 3 and half years old, and attending nursery, his teacher called DP in on thurs to say he managed to get out of the school yard, the teacher then made out that DS was the naughtiest child in the class and he spits, and pushes other children off the chairs, he's snatching toys etc.

now i know parents think their LO's are angels but i am not ashamed to say DS has his little moments at home, where he'll be sent to the naughty corner, but he is definatly NOT the child they are describing. He has always played nice, he is well mannered, etc i would say he is well behaved, and we can take him any where and not have him play up.

i arranged a meeting then with his teacher and the head master, to discuss his behavior.

they "had a go" if you like, about him getting through a gap in the fence which is big enough for a table to block up, which is what they done and DS climbed over and into the school carpark which the gates are always open on to the main road.
i asked them if they were going to fix the fence and their reply was "he should know the danger"
i said to them, well he is a 3 year old he has never been in a position of danger, and obviously doesnt understand.
it wasnt even the teacher on duty who realised that he was out, it was a teacher who was in the staff room!!!!!!

i asked them then if he tried to get out on friday, and they said "no we made him hold our hand around the yard, so that he didnt try" i burst into tears and told them, well thats a punishment when he hadnt done anything wrong that day, and he should be allowed to play with the other children,
their answer was "well better safe than sorry" i was like "no, the answer is to fix the damn fence"

am i being unreasonable? they want to do a Naughty book on him, so i asked well if you're doing that i want you to do a good book on him too.

the long and the short of it, is i think they're shit scared that a child of his age got out, and now to cover their tracks are trying to label him as a naughty child and make out that, thats why it happened.
i have told them not to label him has naughty but i feel like im the let down here.
he really isnt the child that they are making out to be and lots of friends and family are completly shocked at what has gone on.

please tell me what you think of this, and some advice of the next stage would be appreciated please.

OP posts:

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 12:57

why the hell was no-one watching him and why the hell have they got a massive hoel in teh fence taht they have no intyention of fixing? i would be reporting them to ofsted.

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 12:57

sorry for atrocious spelling.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/11/2010 12:58

The next stage would be complaining about them to Ofsted, in my opinion.

It is THEIR duty to keep him safe, not his.

colditz · 07/11/2010 12:58

Inform Ofsted, for starters. Your instinct is right, they are trying to label his normal curiosity as abominable naughtiness because they neglected their duty, and as a result, a child was put in danger. So ring Ofsted and report that although they are aware of the insecure yard, they are refusing to make it secure.

Secondly, remove yourchild. Cunts who will label a 3 year old rather than examine their mistake are not fit to look after children.

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 12:58

seriously, i would expect that hole to be fixed over this weekend if that had happened in my dcs school. this is not your ds' fault.

scurryfunge · 07/11/2010 12:59

They have a responsibility to ensure the safety of your child at the nursery. They should not be making excuses based on a 3 years old sense of keeping safe.

You have to work together too to improve his behaviour -a naughty book sounds archaic though.

Faaamily · 07/11/2010 13:00

A three year old child manages to ESCAPE and they are criticising his behaviour and calling him 'naughty'? Report them to Ofsted and find another nursery.

Original poster

AliceInWonderBra · 07/11/2010 13:00

well thats what i want to know, and it really really upset me to think he's not allowed play time now because they wont fix the fence :(

BTW my spelling leaves a lot to be desired too ha ha

OP posts:

mummycreepynora · 07/11/2010 13:00

I think if there is a huge hole in the fence someone should have been watching it like a hawk and they should have been arranging to get it fixed ASAP - report it!

And yes - the next day they were punishing him - which is also out of order

backwardpossom · 07/11/2010 13:00

Two things really - I think the school are acting appalingly (based on what you've said) and I agree that it sounds like they're labelling him 'naughty' to cover their own backs. I wonder what OFSTED would say if they knew there was a hole in the fence that children are escaping through.

Secondly, as a teacher, I know many parents are surprised at how their DCs behave in school as it is often VERY different to how they behave at home. Is it possible that they could be telling the truth about his behaviour?

I hope this is resolved soon for you all, as I can feel the frustration in your post.

RealityBomb · 07/11/2010 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin · 07/11/2010 13:01

I'd complain to ofsted. That's outrageous. My 3 and half yo has no sense of danger and would think nothing of escaping through a fence and trying to get home/to the park/to the shop.

Infact we ahve to leave our front door locked permanently for that very reason.

PaisleyLeaf · 07/11/2010 13:02

I would contact ofsted about it too. They're not safeguarding your son.

Naughty book? - sounds like the most stupid thing ever. I thought pretty much all places now were using positive reinforcement with stickers etc.

MadamDeathstare · 07/11/2010 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gelflingirl · 07/11/2010 13:02

Move him to another nursery! Id be very worried for my child there. Poor safety with the fence, teacher not even noticing hes gone!!! what else!! not worth the risk.

Original poster

AliceInWonderBra · 07/11/2010 13:03

i asked them everytime he is naughty i will come in and we can discuss it, and their reply was "most parents are embarrassed about doing that" can you believe it???? i am really annoyed (and thats putting it politly!!)

OP posts:

booyhoo · 07/11/2010 13:03

OP had tehy ever mentioned his behaviour before this happened?

diddl · 07/11/2010 13:05

Well if they had enough staff for one to be holding his had all the time, then they have enoough to be watching that no one climbs on/over the table.

I´d report the place & take him out.

Original poster

AliceInWonderBra · 07/11/2010 13:05

i have to go for an hour, to help my mum shopping, but will be back to reply properly to you all,

thankyou all very much tho :) xxxxx

OP posts:

nymphadora · 07/11/2010 13:08

OFSTED would fail them in an inspection for the playground. If they HAD to use the playground & it COULDN'T be fixed that day they could have had a member of staff by it.

IF your child is that difficult then they should have met you earlier & he would have behaviour plans in place.

I don't like OFSTED but if you have such a crap response from school contact Governors with a complaint & inform them you will contact OFSTED if they don't act

gorionine · 07/11/2010 13:10

I would complain to Ofsted with regard to the fence issue and the school considering that a 3yo will realise the danger on their own.

Now WRT his behaviour, is it possible that he has a very different behaviour in schiool tha at home and that what the teachers told you is actually true? Maybe he is not really happy ther?

What is a naughty book? Is it something that will encourage him to change his behaviour positively or just a way off compiling every situaton and then tell you about them?

tibni · 07/11/2010 13:12

I would also request an incident report which includes staff in attendence, times etc. Also ask to see the risk assessment for the playground and who had autorised a table to be acceptable. Ask to have in writing when the fence will be fixed and whose responsibility it is to ensure that it is safe. Nothing like putting things into writing to focus attentions.

Even if you decide to remove your child the school needs to sort out their safety. This is not just an issue with your child but any child using the facility.

onimolap · 07/11/2010 13:14

There are two things going on here:

a) the hole in the fence. This is a major H&S breach, and should be fixed as soon as noticed. Until then, either all children should be kept inside (or a temporary blockade arranged - with an extra staff member on duty solely to prevent escape or injury from the hazard). If this is not being done, report them.

b) your DS's general behaviour. I agree with backwardpossum: children's behaviour at nursery can be very different from that at home. This needs tackling, in partnership with you. The escaping should be left out of it, as those were circumstances they should never have exposed him to. Many, many children go through bad patches (eg my DS for a brief but awful time when he was a biter). The setting should be able to describe specific problems and tell you how they are tackling it - there are, self-evidently limits on how you can intervene in setting-only issues, but your general support is vital.

LisaD1 · 07/11/2010 13:14

I'm an ex chilmdinder and oh my god Ofsted would have a fit! Firstly, they are failing in their duty (the nursery) to provide a safe environment, they are aware of the issue and seem to have no plans to rectify it. Seconldy "naughty-book"? What on earth are they thinking?

Complain and remove until fence is adequate would be my next move.

thumbwitch · 07/11/2010 13:15

OMG - can't believe they are trying to devolve responsibility for their dereliction of duty onto a 3yo!!

If you report them to Ofsted, they will likely be closed down until they do fix the fence - and if not, they bloody well should be!

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